Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Save Liberace from Michael Douglas


I am very concerned that the reputation of Liberace may be besmirched by Michael Douglas. If film trade reports are to be believed, the former sex addict has pretensions to bring to movie life the (let’s use a standard newspaper euphemism) “flamboyant” pianist who was plainly a fur-loving, rhinestone-outfitted cock-cocker. Even worse, Matt Damon may play one of his old boyfriends Scott Thorson who sued him for palimony. Prepare for the big question to the two actors when promotion times comes around : “What was it like to kiss?”

What’s interesting is the selection of two resolute cock-cunters to play the queens. Is it possible that, given Hollywood’s deranged homophobia, it was thought essential to make the subject-matter of Liberace palatable to the land of Sarah Palin and her foreign parts by casting two actors synonymous with catalogue-constructed masculinity?

The thinking probably goes like this: cock-cocking is box office smeg but why not launder the exercise by presenting two straight stars acting. Normally actors act so we forget they’re acting. In the case of Liberace, it’s essential the actors act against type so that we know that they’re acting. In this way a Trojan is created to sneak in the matter of the cock-cocking.

My preferred alternate Liberace/Thorson combos (of varying sexual types, all interesting):

Rupert Everett/Limahl
Kevin Spacey/Vin Diesel
kd lang/Christopher Biggins
Robert De Niro/Al Pacino
Christopher Lee/Zac Efron

18 comments:

drf said...

I think you may have made one of your very rare errors of judgement, Madame A. The Douglas/Damon pairing would surely be brilliant - the best upside-down casting since Lemon/Curtis in Some Like It Hot. Douglas actually looks like Liberace and, as we know, nobody does a creepy fucked-up gay boy like Matt.

with best wishes, Duncan Fallowell

Anonymous said...

brilliant, Madame.
It's why I read you every day. Superb.

Madame Arcati said...

Why thank you anon poppet. I purr.

And Duncan, I shall consider your thoughts - Madame Arcati can be wrong, rarely, but it happens. Perhaps one has to be straight to act plausibly gay. Life is a paradox. But then there's the problem of Rupes who only seemed gay when he told us he was and now can't act straight, much. Oh dear, I'm all confused ...

Anonymous said...

kd lang as Liberace - oh that makes me hooooorny! Who's this Biggins?

drf said...

The thing about Liberace was the massive self-belief. You mustn't camp that up. It needs gravitas - cf. Joan Crawford/Michael Jackson. Those US entertainment freaks have no irony. I met him a couple of times at AD8, April's restaurant. Huge, sweet, like a scented polar bear raised on chocolate.

Duncan

Duralex said...

<< But then there's the problem of Rupes who only seemed gay when he told us he was and now can't act straight, much. >>

Rupert Everett played a very convincing Valmont opposite Catherine Deneuve's Merteuil in an otherwise rather forgettable modern adaptation of "Dangerous Liaisons". I think this happened after his coming out as gay. The French are not so prejudiced about those things as you Anglo-Saxons are. Everybody knew that Jean Marais was gay, and yet he was cast to play the straightest roles all his life long. He was incredibly popular, nobody cared about his sexual orientation. Significantly, he never made it in Hollywood...

Anonymous said...

Funniest posting I've ever read anywhere. Are you crazy?

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Duralex. Your comments are always an elegant education. Let it be noted that Duralex has outed Jean Marais - what a gosser!

And Duncan ... "a scented polar bear raised on chocolate." That's almost erotic, and you don't get to say that in a sentence with Liberace in it as a rule.

drf said...

Remember that polar bears look cuddly but aren't. They eat people as well as chocolate; in fact they can't tell the difference.

Duncan

Duralex said...

<< Let it be noted that Duralex has outed Jean Marais - what a gosser! >>

ROTFL ! I bet you're asking for more. Beware, this is a tabloid bomb : Jean Cocteau was gay too, and Jean Marais's "daddy" ! :-)))

Oh, but as a Brit you might prefer to fantasize over John Lennon's alleged lust for Macca, I guess...

Regarding the casting suggestions, the Christopher Lee/Zac Efron pair made me burst out laughing. Now let's see... Why not Arnold Schwarzenegger/Danny DeVito? Or Judi Dench/Helena Bonham Carter ? Eh ?

Anonymous said...

Is that THE Duncan Fallowell? I can't believe he's on this monstrous blog. I read Satyrday once. Better than Amis (Jr).

Madame Arcati said...

mmm Shwarzy is an interesting one -I can see him at the piano or being humped by Danny. I suppose there might a script rewrite.

Did Macca and Lennon have a shag? I think we'd better start an internet rumour.

Duralex said...

<< Did Macca and Lennon have a shag? I think we'd better start an internet rumour. >>

Well, it's all over the place already, chéri. Just Google it and you'll get yourself "au parfum".

I don't believe a single word of it, of course. All this gaymania and outing rage in the media is quite ludicrous, if you ask me. ;-)

Madame Arcati said...

Even I don't believe that about Lennon and Macca, but what a delightful rumour. Rumours should be spread and always doubted. Fancy Duralex spreading a rumour. I think the Brit tendency had got to him.

I wish Jean Simmons would make a porn movie before she dies. May be she did once, who knows? There, another rumour.

Duralex said...

<< Rumours should be spread and always doubted. >>

"Always doubted and never spread" would certainly be a wiser motto, but then what would become of those counless gossip bloggers all over the internet ? Out of work, starving, how tragic that would be ! ;-)

<< Fancy Duralex spreading a rumour. I think the Brit tendency had got to him. >>

No way. Duralex only spreads the truth.

Madame Arcati said...

Duralex spreads the truth - I can't think of a better rumour to spread.

Duralex said...

Okay, you win. I confess I've been lying about Jean Cocteau and Jean Marais. They both were as straight as an arrow. ;-)

Madame Arcati said...

Liberace was a Taurean