Vanity Fair, its Exiting Just-So Editor and Gwyneth Paltrow

Rhadika Jones is soon to exit the Vanity Fair editorship. Thank goodness for that. She seeks to climb a new career Matterhorn, as you usually do when the bosses leave the exit door ajar. Ages back I wondered aloud at the sheer dullness of her VF. Cover after cover out-wallflowered the last on the magazine shelves, desperate not to excite or be noticed. Quite why she was appointed in the first place is a mystery to me, though I suspect Anna Wintour had a lot to do with it. Darling Anna will have wanted le total Graydon Carter Exorcism, a ridding of vulgar political engagement, controversy, and funny hair (Graydon's). In its/his place? The joys of just-so. Rhadika strikes me as awfully just-so. She and I could spend an hour together over a Matcha Three Mint tea in a Dorchester tea room and t(w)inkle in light convo. Faint giggles. Not one reputation would be pulled apart. No gossip exchanged. We would depart the hotel in a state of sobriety, before I rushed headlong to a local boozer for restoration of stupefied clarity. 

It is then a surprise to discover the latest VF with Gwyneth Paltrow as its star image. In her dying days as editor Radhika decides at long last to produce a not-uninteresting cover. Gwyneth is nonchalance itself seated (not sat) on a carpeted staircase, long seemingly bare legs crossed in Saint Laurent elegance. The SL scanty torso clobber is a tease: the cliched sexy tropes may give rise to sub-Hefner concern, but are struck dead in an instant by Gwyneth's unsmiling countenance. The hauteur of self-possession (or CEO power display - a male [XY!] thing for too long). Her expression is fuck you with a touch of Miss Whiplash admonition. What have we peeping toms done to be admonished about? For causing Gwyneth to pose in high-end lingerie? Which has been volunteered into our lives courtesy of mega-stardom? Courtesy of VF? Punish me!

Smile-seekers will be disappointed when they turn to the fawning, almost unreadable PR piece on (sorry, interview with) Madame Goop. More flesh is revealed yet the face remains inert, joyless, wrinkle-free strategic. Commercial. More lingerie is displayed out in the garden on a sun-lounger, and in other places. She is saying: I don't have to smile or please/I don't have to say cheese. It all seems so novel not to smile until you recollect that runway models rarely smile, either. What could Gwyneth be selling?

It's not a cover to ignite the world. Not like Tina Brown's Demi Moore one or Carter's Caitlyn Jenner. But in its own terms, the Paltrow triggers a low-wattage glance on the just-so spectrum. A pulse is detectable on the gurney. It's elegant, dry, sexless and noir-glam. It's a welcome spritzer after a tiring day before the cocktail hour. That's about as nice as I can be about our Radhika's editorship. See, I am all heart. Almost.   

Farah Damji seeks a Volunteer Editor while resting in the Dock

In a long life one is bound to come across all sorts of people - and who can be older than the Madame Arcati blog? Almost 20! In online terms this must surely be a near-record. Madame has encountered saints, sinners, cunts and countesses. It's a wonder a commode is not my new logo, with halo of air freshener. Among the clattering cans tied to my social rear bumper is the creature Farah Damji ['she/her'], once a frenemy of this site before I realised that among her many talents is the ability not to stay out of jail, here and overseas.

I have much to say about dear Farah even if I understand she is unwell, shackled to her cell bed. According to an odd Mirror report she has cancer. That is as may be. But more particularly she is on trial. Again. She is accused of harassing an ex-lover, among other allegations. Allow me to share this recent Times report lest I be accused of making things up...

Oh dear. Innocent till proven otherwise, poppets, even if the reader is cursed with deja vu. But while Farah pays visits to a courthouse in the UK, unshackled from her cell bed presumably, my attention is drawn to a job ad on LinkedIn (algorithmically brought to my attention via a shared contact with Cherie Blair KC) supposedly posted by someone called Farah Damji. The lucky applicant will become the 'Volunteer Editor' of The View, a publication dedicated to the wellbeing of female prisoners, such as Farah herself. Here it is...

Don't apply all at once. Farah describes herself as a 'Human Rights Activist and Justice Reformer' which could be true as far as it goes, but the CV omits 'Professional Jailbird' from the Robin Hood-style self-advertisment. Someone called Clare Simms is listed as a director, but this is Farah herself, allegedly - part of her modus operandi is to create a dramatis personae of pseudonymous Farahs who operate from different email addresses. If the real Clare Simms would care to get in touch with evidence that her dental records differ from Farah's I'd be most grateful. I won't hold my breath. But the matter remains open and subject to conjecture. Farah could be as pure as the driven coke. 

Certainly The View offers an opportunity for career development, though the word 'Volunteer' suggests that he/she/neither might be looking at a pay break.  

Horoscope: Your 2025

Here's your horoscope for 2025. 

Aries 

March 21-April 20

The uphill struggle ends abruptly in February when your ruling planet Mars moves direct. An event enables you to assume your preferred pace – super fast. This could be to bring something to the boil, or you enter a whole new phase of growth. From June, bountiful Jupiter blesses home and family matters: a residential move can’t be ruled out, or more property is bought. In July a major new era commences lasting years, favouring all forms of communication and ideas. You are likely to be more outspoken, more independent in your thinking and more prone to casting away any situation (or person!) who has restricted or bored you. Yes, a lively, volatile year. Which frankly is how you like it.

Taurus 

April 21-May 21

The first half of 2025 focuses on the company you keep: friends, colleagues and groups. This is because your ruler Venus is retrograde for a while. Who is loyal Mercutio? Who is treacherous Brutus? The use of this is to weed out people who undermine or fail to support you. In this phase there’s ample opportunity to make more money through enterprise: so, do what you can to put yourself out in the world. Many Taureans will be undergoing a massive change of life direction under Pluto’s new sign, setting a new pattern in career or public responsibilities. Though ‘change’ is not your favourite word, embrace it now. By the end of the year, new alliances are helping you progress.

Gemini 

May 22-June 21

Fortune continues to favour you under profitable Jupiter in your zodiac sign. This influence continues to June. Already you will have benefited from this influence so long as you are proactive and prompt in your dealings with people. Jupiter prefers workers, not the torpidly entitled. The theme of growth continues in the second half of 2025, again under Jupiter which will be moving through the chart house of income and assets well into 2026. A chance to make more money should be grabbed. And look to November for a career opportunity under practical Saturn. With Uranus in your sign from July, expect the unexpected as you act more from inspiration. Your word of the year? ‘Kerching’.  

Cancer

June 22-July 23

If you seek a partner or new friends, 2025 will not disappoint – you now prefer people who understand responsibility, not wastrels and spendthrifts. Spiritual energies are heightened to June: many of you will immerse in religious or philosophical supports to better understand life – and this takes on greater significance from July when more unorthodox ideas start to appeal under inspirational Uranus. When Jupiter enters Cancer in June a whole new energy takes possession for the rest of the year. Not only will you be a lot more adventurous, but fate itself urges you to broaden horizons and take a few risks as you grow increasingly impatient with moribund situations. This is a year to do what was once unthinkable. 

Leo 

July 24-August 23

There are alternative ways of putting this. Either you’re in battle mode, ‘slaying’ foes right, left and centre. Or such is your determination to see something completed that you cannot fail. Major projects can be launched in 2025. You’re spoilt for choice! With Mars and Pluto opposed, it is inevitable that much can be achieved by not always surrounding yourself with ‘yes people’. Great things can be achieved by negotiation and listening to advice from those who know what they’re talking about. Also, this is a year to sort out or settle financial matters, though later in the year favours this. From July, seek the support of mavericks in your social and professional circles – get (slightly) weird.  

Virgo 

August 24- September 23

Career issues are greatly benefited by Jupiter in the first six months of 2025. Expect promotion or developments that bring you closer to a sense of vocation. Do not fear moving on from work that no longer satisfies you. More problematic are certain relationships. Tread cautiously with people who never quite reveal themselves or seem ‘mysterious’. But don’t doubt it: you’re in the mood for love (or more love). From July to December, life in the world (such as career) orients you to greater independent actions – and expect a jumble of events that prepare you for the unexpected. You may not welcome this news, but it will stimulate you mentally. Prepare for major change in day-to-life.  

Libra

September 24- October 23

A major theme of 2025 is your need for a complete overhaul of social company, especially intimate relationships. Naturally, you treasure the ‘old faithfuls’ yet there is sufficient vim and vigour in you to seek (in addition) more exciting companions, or even a lover. From June, career or public responsibilities are accentuated for progress: no matter your vintage or work status, there will be a major opportunity to expand. Pleasant surprises are in store. There’s an ongoing need to maintain a sense of balance in workload and/or wellbeing: take greater interest in limits and rest. From July, the self-improvement bug takes root, and this may be expressed in a desire to study or travel. Update your passport if needs be.

Scorpio

October 24-November 22

A caring-sharing year lies ahead. In your dealings with or about banks, trusts, tax people or inheritance – expect a gain. Any enterprise involving a shared investment (such as a joint mortgage) is under Jupiter’s sweet gaze. From June to December, there is the raised likelihood that you’ll be heading to an airport for the sheer pleasure of adventure. So far, so good. A new influence grows in power from July in that what is shared financially may feel stifling: it’s as if you must exercise greater freedom. But be careful what you wish for. Tread with caution. If a new responsibility to care for another arises, welcome this as a chance to apply your moral principles. Be good.  

Sagittarius

November 23-December 21

We all must balance competing claims on our time. It’s the struggle between what we want for ourselves and what others (usually family) want from us. This the theme of the Saturn/Neptune conjunction for you. The direction of travel is finding more space for own creativity and gift for fun, especially as the year matures. Do not feel guilty: view this as ‘evolution’. Similarly, your relationship with other people is in a period of growth and this usually manifests in multiple associations as you separate the wheat from chaff. Later in 2025, you will start to bond with people well out of your comfort zone – this is a long-term pattern. Important domestic decisions will have to be made. 

Capricorn 

December 22-January 20

The question of personal history or even one’s ancestry has elevated importance in 2025. The need to understand one’s identity is central to most people, and you’re no exception. Family-related issues rear up through the year, not all of them problematic. Some will enlighten. But you maybe accused of being too self-preoccupied. Ignore this criticism. In the second half of the year, there is a greater likelihood that daily routines are disrupted by unforeseeable events – you may not always welcome these, yet the outcome is renewal and release from tiresome duties. From June onwards, social life enters an exciting period. New connections take you into new worlds: so, boldly go where you have not gone before.

Aquarius 

January 21-February 19

You probably know that Pluto entered your sign last November. It stays with you for 20 years! Pluto has a bad reputation, but that’s false. This is the planet that promises rebirth. It may not happen immediately. Yet sometime in 2025 or beyond, expect a personal liberation; a new way of living your life. You’re in a very buoyant mood as we enter 2025, open to fun activities and expressing your soul. From June onwards, expect opportunities to find greater satisfaction from work or wellbeing exercises. Take out more me-time. A power struggle is indicated in a close relationship, yet this can have its passionate side – especially if you both have a sense of the absurd.  

Pisces 

February 20-March 20

This is a makeover year. A chance to remodel yourself. Not just outwardly in your personal appearance, but spiritually, as you embrace the need to get more anchored in the world. Pisces can struggle to adapt to actuality, tending to put dreams or projections first. Result? Collision with reality. But not in 2025. Practical Saturn in your sign sees to that. If you have wondered at times what your life purpose is, it will become a lot clearer as the months progress, especially in the latter half of 2025. Idealistic Neptune will deepen self-insight. From July, the home area requires greater attention and there may be some kind of departure or ending of a situation. Prepare for a fresh start. 

Molly Parkin with George Melly

Vintage fans of Madame Arcati will recall that I was once the permanent fiance of Molly Parkin who is now in care. In our pronoun stew of a world that last sentence will make some sense to the few. Let me share a fabulous photo of her with the late jazz thingy and writer George Melly, a sometime lover of hers. The photographer is the brilliant Brian David Stevens. Check out his work here. And here is the art...

Sam Taylor: The True Star of The Lady magazine

Sam Taylor

Rachel Johnson is in today's Times reminiscing about The Lady magazine which has gone up to the "great boudoir in the sky" as she writes in her payoff. I believe her salary was an incredible £100,000 a year, or more, a sum that the fiercesome Julia - the matriarch of the Budworths, known as the "Gorgon of Deerbolts Hall" (her hice) - came to resent. There is a movie in all this. If directed by Quentin Tarantino I am sure we would see Julia throwing Rachel out of the latter's office window, in an 'alternate history'. We would not be spared the street gore. Slow-mo natch.

But we must not over-preoccupy ourselves with darling Rachel Johnson who I think once offended Dame Joan Collins by alluding to the star's purported financial limitations. Today, I want to celebrate the true hero of The Lady - one Sam Taylor. After Rachel's editorship there was Matt Warren's and then Sam took over from him. I did wonder whether she would get rid of me as the magazine's first and last astrologer, but I must have done something right. I survived. Actually, I thrived under her stewardship. I always did get on with Aries types. Not only were my human horoscopes welcome and placed well away from the arse end of the book, but she suggested I write horoscopes for pets. For our friends of fur, feather and fin. Suddenly, we were in the menagerie of Libran cockatoos and Aquarian Tiger Barbs. The column didn't last long (I can imagine somebody upstairs thought it all very silly) but I am told it was popular with readers. Perhaps humour was its engine rather than the celestials, and it has been my curse to collide with laugh-free bollards.

All the media coverage of The Lady's winding-up has neglected Sam's considerable contribution to slowing the decline of the magazine. In response to my previous post and a video, she messaged me this afternoon on Facebook and she agreed I should publish her remarks on this site. She writes:

"At the risk of incurring the wrath of Madame Arcatti, I was actually at the mag for almost 9 years - hired initially as features ed when dear Rachel was working out her notice and to shore up the lack of experience of her replacement, Matt. And whilst I cannot claim to have persuaded you to adorn its hallowed pages, I did set about encouraging a first class team of writers to join the mag including Louis Barfe, Liz Hodgkinson, Maureen Paton Maguire, Robin Dutt, Richard Barber, Rod Conway Morris, Ivo Dawnay, Richard Ingrams, Thomas Blaikie...I asked heavenly Juanita Coulson to become the Fashion AND Literary editor which she continued to do with all the style and expertise that made her sections sing. I want also to thank designer Lee Southey and my entire editorial team. In the end, I served as editor for almost 5 years, steering the ship on a tiny budget but with a remarkably talented team including Melonie Josephine Philips and Lorna Wilson and James Crawford Smith. We had huge fun, were nominated for 8 awards, and I was always happy to personally pay for those contributor lunches that were so uproarious - although I'm sorry you felt the beady eye of RI [Richard Ingrams] on occasion! Even after I left, I adored the mag from afar and I am thrilled that Madame A believes it was sparkling till the last...but then, how could it not with such a stellar cast still sprinkled over its pages ? Very much looking forward to raising a glass or ten to the joy that was The Lady...."

I have to say all the above are great talents and it's a mark of an excellent editor to hire and keep them. Even better, they survived her departure. My hope is that they all move onto greater glory.

The Lady magazine: Madame Arcati Reminisces

The Madame Arcati blog was the first to report on the demise of the British publication The Lady. Four days later, the sloth-like gosser Richard Eden at the Mail picked up the story followed by The Times in which I am quoted (online version). The Lady Limited is being wound up and liquidated as I write. Reportedly the magazine owes £360,000 to HMRC. In addition there will be outstanding sums in wages, writer fees, subscriptions, rent, image uses, etc.

The title had lasted 140 years. It was founded in 1885. Queen Victoria reigned then and Oscar Wilde was yet to frequent London's male brothels with Bosie. Despite subsequent two World Wars and strikes galore it never ceased to come out weekly - even Covid could not interrupt it. It once operated from a grand, off-white Georgian quartet building in London's Bedford Street: as a structure, it resembled Miss Havisham's wedding cake, prior to the crumbling of rejection. Within this sweet place, beyond the front door, one was met by a pub-like hinged counter which would be raised for admittance once it was established that one was not a psycho. All around on the ground floor sales staff worked the phones. I noticed that the word 'advertisement' was pronounced adver-tisement which is not the English way so far as I know.

The editorial floors were upstairs and there you risked life and limb. Past issues of The Lady were piled high in rooms and corridors, along with books and other things. A minor earthquake would have brought these multi-storey collections crashing down on one's head. What a way to go. 'Offices' resembled converted drawing rooms. The editor's office may have once been a bedroom for a child. Getting lost in this labyrinth was one peril.

An old man lived at the top of the building, and he lurked silently about. I understand he was the previous owner of The Lady and related to Ben Budworth who owns the title. There were rumours of a ghost in the basement and a much-told tale we might term 'turd-gate'. The past was very much alive here and that was part of the challenge the magazine faced.

I was hired by Rachel Johnson as the magazine's astrologer back in 2011. Rachel became editor (I think in 2009) and commissioned to drag The Lady into the 21st century. In a sign of sanity and alertness, she was a fan of the Madame Arcati blog and amused that in one story I retitled the The Lady "The Old Cunties' Weekly". On the basis of this (I presume) she asked me to write for the magazine and finally was persuaded to run my horoscope column.

I only met Rachel once, at a Molly Parkin party at the Chelsea Arts Club, maybe around 2012. She had the air of someone permanently in transit, or en route. She purposely homed in on the useful of the guests before exiting fast, Anna Wintour-like. She had other parties to zip through. The one thing Rachel did do successfully was raise the profile of The Lady, or remind the public it was still extant. Channel 4 broadcast a wonderful documentary about life on the magazine (The Lady and the Revamp). Feuds and fallings-out were witnessed that included a nonplussed outgoing features editor, a numpty noisy 'literary editor' and the bereft daughter of the previous editor (who would later ask to be my PA after she got the Rachel boot). 

The documentary I think sealed Rachel's fate. Following one filmed row between her and Ben, she described The Lady as a "piddling little magazine that no one even cares about or reads". This enraged the Budworth matriarch Julia (now sadly passed) who threatened to throw Rachel out of her office window. Thereafter, matters deteriorated further. At some point, she published a Jilly Cooper fiction extract which included the term, "lady gardens", a reference to the nether regions of ladies, not to horticultural matters. The only way was out, though to this day I don't know whether she was fired or she chose to leave.

I think Sam Taylor followed (or she followed Matt, see below) and she lasted two or three years. Everyone agrees she was a very good editor. But when Ben decided to move the magazine out of Bedford Street, Sam was off.  

Someone called Matt Warren followed, once a young star of the Daily Mail. I was seated next to him at a Lady literary lunch one day when he turned to me and said/joked, "We only hire you because you're cheaper than Russell Grant". He was off my Christmas card list after that.

Matt was followed by a Maxine something-or-other. She didn't last long. She scarcely ever responded to my emails. One sensed her distress across the ether. One hopes she recovered.

Ben's wife Helen Budworth was The Lady's last editor and I must confess I always liked her. Glamorous, smart, sharp, Aries (like Ben). She had led the advertising team at the magazine, and was the company's managing director. Her Lady sparkled. But by then it was too late. For decades the magazine had been in decline, and the world had moved on in its moods and tastes. I don't think anyone could turn this great vessel around.  

The Lady social events were always huge fun. Before Helen became editor, Richard Ingrams and assorted gossip-rakes attended the magazine's free 5* lunches. Ingrams always turned to stone the moment he spotted me as if I were a trans-Medusa. Perhaps I am. An exotic dandy called Robin Dutt would diffuse his way through parties and lunches like a Clive Christian No 1 fragrance, but bearing a default grim countenance. This would be replaced by joyful animation the moment his attention was focused on fresh quarry.  

Scarcely any magazine now is in its pomp. Vogue is as skeletal as its models; Vanity Fair a flaccid ego stroke. Reader's Digest is no more in the UK. The same with Glamour. Could The Lady re-emerge in another form in the hands of a souvenir guru dedicated to the service of the rich and famous (or merely well-to-do)? Let's ask Grok.

 

     

The Lady horoscope for April 2025

As I reported the other day, The Lady has ceased publication. So here is my April 2025 horoscope that would have appeared in the next issue of the magazine.

April 2025

Aries 

March 21-April 20

A dramatic or eventful month, particularly after 18 April for several weeks. Ruler Mars is then in a better position for direct action after a longish period of holding your horses. Any project fired by your passion benefits from decisiveness. Even so, avoid impulsiveness. Your best strategy is: ‘premeditated intervention’. Something is ready to rock ‘n’ roll. 

Taurus  

April 21-May 21

Ruler Venus turns direct on 13 April, ending a perplexing period in any group situation. Thereafter, you’re in a much better place to assess who best to align with and who to show the door. New friendships can be formed, particularly with those who share your politics, ideals or charitable instincts. Your raised charm does the trick. 

Gemini 

May 22-June 21

If the career area has felt stuck in the mud, there are subtle shifts to suggest that change is afoot, as ruler Mercury’s retrograde ends early in April. The advice is to get out and about. Share your thoughts with friends and allies. Their observations could trigger an entirely new way of looking at your life. 

Cancer

June 22-July 23

Finances are set to improve under pushy Mars and Pluto – in other words, take the initiative and ask for a raise. You may have under-valued yourself. Time for a correction! The best moment for this is after mid-April. And pensioners will be pleasantly surprised by a useful uptick. But don’t splash out as a result.

Leo 

July 24-August 23

Do not fear instability. Its chief virtue is that it challenges the status quo in your life, holding out the possibility of you having a greater say in how life can be lived. Uranus – planet of the unpredictable – is bringing all sorts of unlikely things and people into your life, increasing chances of a breakthrough.  

Virgo 

August 24- September 23

No better time than now to make financial plans and fill forms. And your new state of mind makes you more effective at discerning people’s motives. Which is useful if someone’s trying to be persuasive. In matters of wills and legacies, it could just be that a revision is required. Who has been neglectful of late?   

Libra

September 24-October 23

A ‘social makeover’ is due. Again. This time, events take you into new situations. And your mind is more easily bored by old anecdotes and lengthy accounts of ailments. If this sounds callous, it’s really about being honest and staying fresh to life. Stay kindly in touch with familiars while gallivanting with more sparkling types.

Scorpio 

October 24-November 22

The ‘spring clean’ can be applied to day-to-day life. Making even the smallest change in routine raises morale and triggers creative developments. Wellbeing, too, is a major topic. Whatever gives you space to be pampered or gently pummelled, go for it. A new kind of therapy attracts your interest and could be just what you need.  

Sagittarius

November 23-December 21

Property matters continue to dominate life. Unlike recent past months, April is an excellent month to move forward with any domestic, building or family project provided sensitivity to other perspectives is maintained. Loved ones are more likely to be agreeable to a plan because you are listening to them, even if they have reservations.

Capricorn

December 22-January 20

There’s much to be excited about this year yet you’re feeling uneasy. Your world feels under threat. What does the future hold? Have I missed an opportunity? Am I safe? Ruler Saturn soon enters a new sign, and such a transition is usually marked by nervousness, especially with Cappies. Take a more relaxed approach to what cannot be controlled.

Aquarius 

January 21-February 19

Local world matters don’t greatly interest you, such is the cosmic nature of your mind. Yet the skies decree that neighbourhood politics will preoccupy you. Council Tax? Traffic cones misery? Too many nail salons? Are you still awake? Yet, you will address any of these matters and more with campaigning zeal, to the horror of many. 

Pisces 

February 20-March 20

People will have noted an edgier you in recent weeks, due to ruler Neptune having moved into a bold, fast-moving sign. It’s going to be there for years. This takes time to get used to. On the to-do list is sorting out assets and income. Seek clarity. Fortunately, you have time yet to re-order priorities.