Monday, August 03, 2020

Madame Arcati's virtual background beach reads 2020

How sad that Lorraine Candy has lost her job at The Sunday Times. That'll teach her to cross astrologers and me in particular. Now, who are my top people right now? I am fickle and quickly fall out of love, so make the most of my kindness, bitches.

My summer read authors are as follows (set against a Covid-19-averse virtual background beach in my boudoir):

1. Lady Colin Campbell. Now known popularly as Lady C and Georgie to her friends. Riding high with her Meghan and Harry book and posting marvellous YouTube chat shows hosted by Prince Leo von Breithen-Thurn - who I am given to understand seeks a wife. Lady C thinks it a good idea that he marry a royal cousin, but animal husbandry advises against genetic localism. Listen to Madame. Lady C's verbal assaults on rapidly souring Philip Schofield (or "His Majesty of the Closet", as Georgie refers to him, cruelly) are sublime. Incidentally, Georgie plans to sue the Daily Mirror over some stories it ran.

2. Duncan Fallowell. A perennial favourite of mine. Thanks to him I have no need to travel to New Zealand. My carbon footprint is in intact. Do buy his new novel LONDON PARIS NEW YORK: a precarious tale. You won't find a better writer, though Will Self fancies himself.

3. Roger Clarke. A master of mists and energies in empty spaces, aka ghosts. The Anna Wintour of spectral fashion trends, poppets, though far, far brainier. Headless ghosts are no longer in vogue apparently. Do read his fab book A Natural History of Ghosts. Perfect as nights start to lengthen. And then re-read.  

4. Andr√© Leon Talley. His memoir The Chiffon Trenches is bitter and therefore divine. He bangs many nails into the coffin of American Vogue editor and former ally Anna Wintour, to add to all the others. Indeed, she is starting to resemble Pinhead in Hellraiser. She'll be great in one of the franchise horror sequels. No script to learn. As for Andr√©, well, let's just say he writes as he speaks. I suspect his memoir was gossiped into a dictaphone.

5. Lyndsy Spence. I can't wait to read her Maria Callas biography. Her Insta account is a dedication to the book-in-progress and I am intrigued to learn that the opera diva was so into astrology. While you're waiting why not read another of Lyndsy's biographies, such as Mrs Guinness: The Rise and Fall of Diana Mitford, the Thirties Socialite. It enraged Daphne Guinness for some reason so it's worth finding out why. Zebra-haired Daph designs and sings - a duet with Nicky Haslam should be expedited. But put away the cut crystal first.

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Shelley von Strunckel stars no longer at The Sunday Times

Shelley von Strunckel

PS to this post: Lorraine Candy has been fired from The Sunday Times. One can only hope someone saw sense and removed this dreadful secular and pop-psycho cliche.

I have only to turn my back on the world for a few years and look what happens. Trump and Johnson get to power, Earth is locked down by pandemic and...Shelley von Strunckel parts company with The Sunday Times! This last happening is perhaps the worst to bear. Sufficient to stir Madame Arcati from her afterlife boudoir - and yes, uniquely I am able to reconnect the mortal coil. At will.

For those of you unacquainted with the divine Shelley, she was until last Sunday the astrologer to the above newspaper. One Saturn Return-ago (approximately 28 years), editor Andrew Neil - formerly aka Brillo - had a revelation: his newspaper needed Shelley and her horoscope column. A Uranian-style inspiration. Sleekly spiritual, Californian, honey-voiced (useful for the phonelines), opera-loving, versed in all things astrological and blessed with a reassuring answer to just about everything, Shelley was and remains the high-end media counterweight to darling Russell Grant who had already cleaned up from the TV and tabs mass markets.

Before either's ascendancy, the late Patric (no k, darling) Walker ruled the media astro-world. Then e-coli reportedly finished him off. It was rumoured he had murdered his Harpers & Queen predecessor Helene Hoskins ('Celeste') by booting her down a staircase. A very Baby Jane-sort of thing to do. I was prepared to believe it. In Hell, he now tells me that this was a joke. Legend has it that Shelley was his chosen heir apparent and that he was instrumental in getting her the ST gig. Patric neither confirms nor denies - he is such a tease. He won't even tell me if he ever went to bed with actor Richard Chamberlain. 

So, who knows? 

Quite why Shelley is no longer at The Sunday Times can only be guessed at. It seems odd that after three decades as one of the publication's go-to fixtures, she was seen off with a two-word "final column" in the intro as the only indication of her defenestration. The column ran in the After Eight Mint-thin Sunday Times Style magazine and somehow survived the ambient flow of narcissistic and self-regarding drivel that populates the supplement. Only people lacking style could treat it as any kind of inspiration to keep up. But at least Shelley was there to encourage readers to rest their ego-driven anxieties and tip-toe into expansive cosmic reflection for a minute or two. You never know, such tentative trips can turn into productive voyages. 

Without Shelley, Style is now the fully-fledged monoculture for scented boo-hoo mirroring that only its editor could dream of. Speaking of whom, if the Style editor Lorraine Candy is so antipathetic to astrology (do we imagine that she fought hard to save the column?) why not relocate it to another part of the newspaper bundle? It is the abiding habit of many editors to turn their publications into self-extensions with all the usual prejudices, assumptions and lack of curiosity. Occasionally, an editor is found with an open mind, a sense of adventure and an awareness of life beyond the parochial. Not here.

Ironic really when you consider that astrology is big among monied millennials. Odd that Style can't keep up. 

To stay in touch with Shelley, visit her website.

Friday, December 28, 2018

Kevin Spacey is hugged by a Steph

Aw...Kevin Spacey with his former sister-in-law Stephanie Mastini, once married to his brother Randy. It was your dear darling Madame Arcati who years ago told the world of Spacey's proactive sex life of the young men variety. The stories I could tell. I do have to laugh about the Old Vic bitch now fainting at the thought that Spacey's cock quivered in the presence of spunk incarnate. Do fuck off. I have most fascinating transcripts on this topic.  Chauffeur deary! I hope Spacey's career is revived. He is just another daft old queen who thought he could kid kidders. He is guilty of nothing much.

Stephanie's blog is worth visiting. You lazy complacent bastards.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

John Ford is, er, coming. Oh - hello Tina!

The frightfully delightful John Ford, former blagger/hacker extraordinaire for The Sunday Times, will shortly be paying a visit to my psychic parlour and naming names on the astral plane.

Meanwhile, another tale from the phone hacking annals, at the Sunday Mirror under Tina Weaver, disgraced former editor.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Madame Arcati: Why were my online knickers rummaged in?

Thought I'd gone away did you? In your dreams, hybrid bitches and bastards. I have been summoned to life by a most peculiar revelation. Madame Arcati's online knickers were rummaged in. Or to put it in your prosaic terms, someone illegally broke into the Madame Arcati email account for reasons yet to be ascertained. Sometime in 2007 or thereabouts.

People familiar with the world of Arcati will be used to surprises. So here's another. The person who rummaged about in my online knickers is a man called John Ford. He was a private investigator seasoned in the dark arts of blagging - conning his way past the underpaid lumps employed to protect our privacy in various organisations in order to gain access to confidential data, such as contained in bank or email accounts. His principal hirer was The Sunday Times - and if you need further education, this piece in the Guardian is a good starting point.

This is a scandal rumbling under. Mainstream media are sitting on the vibrating spin dryer of this tale of shame and, for all I know, deriving much pleasuring from the experience, with eyes wide shut. Many, many famous people were blagged, claims Ford. Some are well known - Cherie Blair, John Prescott, for starters. Perhaps as I compose this little post they are talking to their lawyers. Who knows but they?

The Sunday Times answers that it is a delver of Plutonic proportions, a digger for dirt without a stain, that's done nothing wrong but ferret for the truth within the law. One hopes so! I wonder what truth was sought in Madame Arcati's online knickers? Especially after I ran a story or two back in 2007 which may have embarrassed certain lifers on the newspaper. Well, in the absence of facts, one is compelled to speculate. What was Madame Arcati to anyone much?

But back to Mr Ford. Ordinarily, I would bring down a curse upon his head and home - people familiar with this blog know its history and what untold damage it has done to transgressors, bullies and cheats. Instead Mr Ford and Madame Arcati have become buddies. I don't quite yet understand the nature of his spiritual or medical epiphany but at some point he saw the light and the error of his ways. He turned against his old muckers at The Sunday Times and elsewhere and spilled with documentary evidence. Google it. It's not on the dark web.

Oh, news to you is it? You need to get in more - read this cunties, or this filth.

Quite what Madame Arcati does next in terms of legal reaction remains to be seen. May be something, may be nothing. After all, there are much bigger fish to fry, aren't there Hacked Off? Even in the world of lawyers, the celebrity values of Hello! hold sway. But shortly, Madame will be talking with John Ford.

Meantime, meet Mr Ford:

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Spacey: the Clinton lure

So, two months after the Unite for the Future gala concert (see posting below), at which Spacey showed some interest in Art Garfunkel's male employee X, Spacey phoned the young man - "What are you doing tomorrow tonight? Do you want to hang out with me and Bill Clinton at the U2 gig?"
Spacey knew exactly what effect that would have; he drops names like there's no tomorrow.
X couldn't say no to that invitation.

Stephanie Mastini: Ignore Odiferous Tacoma aroma

Dear Madame,
Pay no attention to the Odoriferous Tacoma aroma behind the curtain...(BAAL) ... they have been hugging too many trees and eating the mushrooms.

I am proud to have played a bit part on your lovingly scandalous site. I love penises, gossip, mayhem, critics ... and delight in your candor!

Here's wishing you an undoubtedly coveted second year ... you are a delightful mentor (:.

I am sipping that Cristal I have been saving for your firework display! You have inspired many; pissed off a few ... (ha-ha) ... and brought color into many a dull life.

Remember BAAL (big asses are losers) - it's not nice to fool with Mother (Madame) nature!!

Keep all those personas a-coming ANON!
Luv you MA x
Happy Birthday once again to you!!


Kevin Spacey's ex-sister-in-law: Part 2

Stephanie has written a further response to the Randy Fowler interview on this site - the letter is unedited: epilogue..
I liken this to Anna Nicole's adamant refusal to reveal who the father of her child is...Pandora's box, you are correct! but what is in the box that needs to be competely emptied is my platform. From my view point, I get the dark feeling that the "anonymous" comments in this blog is Kevin speaking through them..literally. (I am not saying I know for sure, and I am only speculating that this is alledgingly a is a free speech country)

Why wouldn't he want to help his brother..make a statement and be family. This quiet violent storm has been brewing for too long (even when I was Randy's wife) and all Randy wants to do is tell the truth..he has never smeared his brother's name; so why after all these years can't he admit there was a photo of Hitler on his parents mantlepiece (I saw it) for a small but significant example.(I only bring this up to support what Randy has stated before about his childhood) and Randy is certainly not twisting the truths.)

to reiterate ..the only reason Randy, wrote this book is to exorcise other vitim's demons and perhaps be a voice for halting, possibly,potential victims. Another point I would like to add is that Randy did not want to involve his ill mother, so he waited until now to come forward (he bears no blame)...I have NEVER come forth before, but now I am saying "enough"..I too, am a victim of family abuse and it is a long road..

If Kevin acknowlged that his brother is on a positive crusade wouldn't his presence of support help all the female,children and yes, male victims be saved from the emotional and physical distress this disease ignites..Kevin's support(voice)could save so many. Kevin invoves himself in so many other charities, so why not stand up and support this cause that he knows first hand? I truly hope a positive connection will assimilate soon.

Randy Fowler - 'Leave my bro Kevin Spacey alone!'

Kevin Spacey's brother Randy Fowler has launched a vicious attack on Madame Arcati ...

I agreed to do an interview earlier this year with Madame Arcati hoping to set the record straight concerning my brother Kevin Spacey. It seems to have no good at all. This web site seems to be driven by rumors and half truths.

It’s also sad to see that you continue to look for ways to frame Kevin Spacey as gay, who cares? I don’t. What difference does it really make to your life? Does this make him less worthy of a little respect and privacy concerning his private life.

You people need to get a life and focus on something that’s important to this planet rather than being consumed with Kevin’s sexuality.

How would you like it if someone did a poll on all of you for being so cruel and delusional for having such empty hearts?

As one famous person once said: “He who is without sin cast the first stone” You people seem to have an entire truck load of stones just ready to dump on Kevin. STOP IT !!

What’s extremely disturbing to me is you continue to egg on Stephanie for a juicy comment from her to drive this article. Have you no decency for her or yourself? I think not.

{Dear Kevin, I’m sorry that people can’t look at you for the wonderful acting you have given us these past twenty five years. Instead they continue to feed the world large bags bull shit about you and your private life. I feel they all need many years of serious therapy. However I can relate, they have done the same thing to me over the last four years concerning my biography about the after effects of child abuse. Oh how they love to twist the truth to suit their own needs.}

I know by me posting this comment I’m inviting the mental masturbation to flow freely from the mouths of the dazed and confused. Unfortunately the comments won’t be from the better half of humanity.

Sincerely with love
Randy B. Fowler

Madame Arcati responds: Thank you for your letter Randy. No one's trying to "frame your brother as gay"; anything that I report is from people who have worked very closely with him - but his homosexuality is essentially unimportant. What is interesting - and you yourself highlighted this point in your interview with me - is that he has lied about his family and even now puts up smokescreens. You yourself told me that Kevin has borrowed events from your own life and presented them as his own. I quite admire Spacey's fans for their resilient defence of their idol and delight in playing my part in sharpening their wits.

To read Randy's letter on Kevin's bio-theft, click here

Randy Fowler's interview with Madame Arcati, click here

Kevin Spacey - back in the movies!

In a predictable volte face, Kevin Spacey has now decided that movies are still important to him and he will return as Lex Luthor in Superman: Man Of Steel, as foreseen by your reliable media clairvoyante only a few weeks ago. Feel free to send me your pathetic attempts at apology.

Remember how I laughed at Spacey's claim a few weeks ago that he'd be shifting his focus on theatre production, away from movies - "I don't care about my personal acting career any more. I'm done with it" - that's what he actually said in an interview with ITV's London Tonight. Subsequently The Times reported that the actor had used the word "retirement" (from film acting) in the interview - this he denies in a phone chat with Daily Variety - "Theater is the No 1 thing in my life. But I love movies and will continue to make movies when I can," he says now. It's a more sensible mantra.

But my God! You mean to say one of the most prestigious of the dead tree media, in the world, made up a quote? Oh my! I never thought I'd see the day. I think The Times should consider suing him for libel. I'm sure he'll have more sense than bother the Press Complaints Commission - an organisation of toothless, methane emitters, lunchers extraordinaire and corrupt scrotes, full of anecdotes shared with the drunk fantasists who edit our nation's dead tree sheets.

More troubling is the news that Spacey is appearing in Nick Moran's Telstar, all about '60s record mogul Joe Meek. Is that the song of a turkey farm ringing in my ears? The last time Moran had the misfortune of encountering Arcati (in Cannes) I nearly destroyed his career and certainly earned him the eternal enmity of Vinnie Jones - one of my finer minor moments. I won't go into the details now.

Meanwhile, Spacey is so up his movie career, he's got two other films coming out in the next few months - Fred Claus (more turkey song) and Robert Luketic's 21, in which he plays an MIT professor who teaches his students to count cards. Never mind, Superman will keep the popcorn hot.

His Lex Luthor brings out the inner camp that resides with him, as Stanislavsky might say.