Saturday, September 15, 2007

Elton John and David Furnish: A marriage of three +

Elton John: Me, Myself And I is broadcast on UK terrestrial ITV1 on Saturday 22 September - the press release promises that he "will be dropped right back into the middle of influential moments in his life, enabling him to interact with his younger self, relive his most memorable times, and fulfil some of his long held but never realised ambitions," thanks to computer graphics and other nerdy innovations.

The transcript I've seen doesn't break any significant new ground though one can never have enough of Sir Elt: he has co-opted a Hollywood-style glamour while tatty Tinseltown itself has disappeared up Lindsay Lohan's flaring nostrils. Any excuse will do to see him on the box. I only wish he might have elaborated on the dynamics of his civil union with David Furnish. Contrary to presentation, theirs is a continent open relationship and it's a measure of their bond that the relationship is strengthened as a result. So many cock-cocking marriages expire sexually in the early days and must adapt to a non-threatening dramatis personae of passing pick-up twinks and sauna cocksuckers. We have much to learn from such arrangements.

21 comments:

lavinia said...

My dear, I can hardly understand what you're on about. Can't you write in English when writing about homosexuals? I have several gay friends and they all speak quite normally.

Sonny said...

- So many cock-cocking marriages expire sexually in the early days -
Neither more, nor less than heterosexual marriages, I guess. Besides sex is not the most important thing in life, whether you like it or not.

- and must adapt to a non-threatening dramatis personae of passing pick-up twinks and sauna cocksuckers. -
Translation, please?

Oh, and it's not that I want to be provocative but I don't see the link with Kevin Spacey. As Lavinia says, it seems you have a real problem with homosexuality, dear.

Sonny, unmarried and happy with it.

Anonymous said...

< Oh, and it's not that I want to be provocative but I don't see the link with Kevin Spacey. >

A 'Duncan Fallowell' label would certainly be much more relevant, in fact.

lavinia said...

Duncan Fallowell asked me to contact him. I did not respond.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Lavinia, you should contact Duncan. Tell us more about Mr Kray. What was he like in bed?

Anonymous said...

What else the hell is this? Every Reggie is not Reggie Kray! Say something, Lavinia!

iknowsomethingyoudontknow said...

'cock-cocking' - is this neologism Madame A's attempt to achieve eternal fame and get something in the OED ? I think we should all help: ordinary people, start to drop it into conversations; writers, include it in your work.

Anonymous said...

"I only wish he might have elaborated on the dynamics of his civil union with David Furnish. Contrary to presentation, theirs is a continent open relationship and it's a measure of their bond that the relationship is strengthened as a result."

ROTFL! It's obvious to anyone with a little sense that Sir Elt' is a closeted straight man and David Furnish is his beard. How can you be so blind, madame?

Madame Arcati said...

I think cock-cocking and cunt-cunting move things on from science-sounding nouns like homosexual. And I don't like lesbian - it's such as awful word, it makes me think of hippos. Straights are better called cock-cunters and cunt-cockers: other compounds are possible but I definitely think vulgarisms should be adopted for mainstream use to remove moral/religious/science connotations. Cock and cunt are people's words.

lavinia said...

Reggie would be turning in his grave - if he had one. As you know, we donated him to medical research.

Anonymous said...

WHAT? Lavinia, do you mean you're actually Reggie Kray's ex? OMFG, how thrilling!
Arcati, forget Halperin, Travolta and Spacey, for Christ's sake (and yours as well). We DEMAND an interview with Lavinia!

lavinia said...

Stop being ridiculous

Anonymous said...

Just having a little fun, my dear, take it easy.

Duralex said...

So much fun on your blog when you're in a crypto-homophobic period, chérie !

Sauna cocksuckers ?!

Have you ever been to a gym, Arcati ? I've been training myself for the last 20 years in various of those sport temples, and believe me, saunas are among the less inspiring places for sexual encounters. There's no way you can get the slightest intimacy there. It's a perpetual stream of unknown people (rarely less than 5 or 6 sweating together in the booth) a large half of which are more overweight than hogs and a powerful medicine against sexual temptation – sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings here.

The same for hot tubs and showers. That's the sad reality. Never in 20 years have I witnessed any cocksucking scene in a gym.

Yet another hard-to-kill urban myth. Are you collecting them, Madame ?

En tout cas (as we say in Québec)... Carry on swooning over the John/Furnish perfect union. Soooo romantic ! Soooo politically correct ! Soooo reassuring ! :-)

iknowsomethingyoudontknow said...

Duralex - not those kind of saunas you sweet, innocent poppet, rather more specialised ones are what Madame has in mind.

Duralex said...

Innocent, moi ?!!! Just ask Arcati !

Our kind hostess didn't specify the kind of saunas she had in mind, did she ? Anyway, in Québec too there are gay-friendly gyms where gays can meet sexual partners. But my gay friends tell me they usually don't "consume on the spot". It's always a bit embarrassing, you see...

Are you sure you're not confusing public gyms and some very special private massage salons ?

iknowsomethingyoudontknow said...

Have a look at this site duralex

http://www.gaysauna.co.uk/

and this article

http://www.newstatesman.com/200707200004

Do none of your gay friends know about these Quebec City Temples of Health and Fitness:

Le Backboys
Sauna Hippocampe
Complex le bloc 225

Duralex said...

Well, then I'll say that my gay friends are a bit prim... or shameless liars. :-)

I've never been to a gay sauna myself (should I ?). So I find the article interesting, and the comments even more. Something I'd like to add however is that with that kind of report the reader has to draw the line between sensationalism and reality. In other words, keep a large pinch of salt at hand when you read that sort of "journalistic experiment". Nine times out of ten it's likely to be fabricated, at least partly.

Thanks for sharing, anyway. I loved the innuendos and subtexts on the Chariots page. The "rest rooms", "steam rooms", "equipped gym" and above all "fully qualified masseurs" just cracked me up ! ;-)

Lorenzo said...

So, those hot gay health clubs are a variant of good old brothels? Porca miseria, why don't we heterosexual have this too?!!

lavinia said...

We do, darling. They're called department stores.

breatnyS said...

Never seen Elton John on concert, I was not going to see it, Elton John tickets got sky rocked thanks to stupid brokers. But even if I had seen it, I wouldn't buy it. I'd rather wait and see it on DVD. Well suprise I changed my mind and I got 2 tix for the Elton John show I was looking for tickets thanks god there sites like Ticketwood which work as comparators here is the site
Elton John Tickets http://www.ticketwood.com/concerts/Elton-John-Tickets/index.php . So any body going to the Elton John concert ??