Monday, November 22, 2010

Sheila Vogel-Coupe: Madame Arcati's woman of the year 2010

The Grand Dame
The news that X-Factor wannabe Katie Waissel's granny is an 81-year-old 'escort' filled me with joy yesterday. I was soooo impressed.

'Pensioner Sheila Vogel-Coupe offers sex as a "vintage vamp" under the name of Grand Dame Cecilia Bird and boasts she has clients in their twenties,' screamed the News of the World in their story wittily headlined 'Gum and get it'. The Sun calls her the '£250-an-hour crinkly tart' today in its customary cheapo recap of its sister paper's exclusives. The slag who wrote the Screws piece, Stephen Moyes, should get some special treatment for this delicious exposé - though of course karmically he's got something coming to him. Oh yes.

I must say the Grand Dame looks nothing like her age and demonstrates a wit and canniness young hacks on tabloids can only dream about. She has found the wherewithal to buy her 'sheltered accommodation' flat - so the housing association can't throw her out - and she shortly embarks on a trip to Italy. She dresses elegantly, loathes tattoos, drinks fine red wines and probably uses an expensive mouthwash.

I do hope the new-found notoriety doesn't upset Sheila too much. Once the relatives have got over it they'll quietly marvel at her fashionable entrepreneurial spirit. Katie should feel proud of her gran. I can only wish for such a relative.

Rather than moping about all day waiting for care assistants to sit her on a commode or blocking up her GP's waiting room with imagined complaints or generally being lonely because she put all her life into her kids/partner/pets before they died/scarpered, Sheila entertains frustrated men in need of intelligent conversation, charming company and a harmless ejaculation while cradled in her arms.

Quite frankly this woman should be made a dame. Except she's already a Grand Dame.

Review of the Mature Courtesans website where Sheila once advertised. Click here

Oh my God, Sheila's sex movie!

9 comments:

Virtual Factory said...

Gravity defying suction on those boobies.

Madame Arcati said...

Beat Widdy's.

Clair said...

Yes indeed - if you want ones like Ann's, you'll need some of these:

http://primerump.blogspot.com/2008/09/widdicudders.html

Anonymous said...

How utterly.

Anonymous said...

She's an ambassador for women of her age good on her, I quite agree with you madam arcati she should be made a real Dame

Helga said...

Ah Madame, you have a large heart. May we look forward to your entry at Vintage Vamps?

Joe MacFarlane. said...

Some post coital Wincarnis?

Anonymous said...

I can't find Sheila on Vintage Vamps. Hope it wasn't something someone said.

Anonymous said...

Katie's bound to win now.