Wednesday, November 24, 2010

William & Kate's wedding day: virgin on the ridiculous

St Catherine of Siena
Further evidence that Madame Arcati anticipates the zeitgeist is the date chosen for the wedding of the century (so far). Prince 'Big Louis' William will take Catherine Middleton, the future Duchess of Cambridge, to be his wife on April 29 next - which just happens to be the feast day of an Arcati favourite, St Catherine of Siena!

I alone among bloggers have written extensively about the virgin St Catherine. She may have passed away in the 14th Century for the sake of her hymen but she is in fact still fully sentient and engaged with our modern world. She employs as her current mouthpiece the US medium Elizabeth Baron to convey her funkily-expressed thoughts and recollections. I have been unstinting in chronicling them.

St Catherine was instrumental in the capture of the Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega; and who can forget St Catherine's claim that Joaquin Phoenix is possessed by the troubled soul of Johnny Cash? Ms Baron, too, likes to name-drop: do read my tale of her seance with the Hollywood siren Lana Turner, still screaming beyond the grave in a most unseemly way about this and that.

Is this honouring of St C by the House of Windsor (1917 - ) some sort of augury of things to come for Wills and Kate? St C's persistence in staying alive bodes well for marital longevity. But her militant virginity may prove irksome in the creation of an heir and spare. Others, more sceptical than I, may wonder about the royal couple's connection to reality given the heroic claims of St C.

Certainly old Ratzi in his Vatican palace must be delighted as Anglicans flail about under old beardie. It's a wonder the Pope is not marrying the pretty pair.

7 comments:

Joe MacFarlane. said...

Are the Saxe-Coburgs high church?

Madame Arcati said...

'C of E' as British school kids used to say.

The late Doris Stokes said...

Utterly surreal, and only you Arcati! Elizabeth Baron should be incarcerated somwhere warm and cosy.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Brian the Defender of all the faiths? Not so much high church as all comers.

Michael Allen said...

Who said the Pope isn't marrying them? I am sure this is being negotiated somewhere. The ceremony will doubtless include a blessing of the royal condom.

By the way, did you know that in each of the past three years Prince Charles has spent a week in a remote Greek monastery? Not many people do.

Madame Arcati said...

I did know that but why I can't explain. Charles is a Scorpio, see, so he's a spiritual delver. Alas, the English church is just secularism with a god on top.

Anonymous said...

You are insane.