Thursday, July 02, 2009

Why do men of a certain age whistle tunes in public places?

Are they trying to advertise their cock-cuntedness? Send them to Dignitas!

34 comments:

Mary Magdalen said...

Any man whistling is adorable - lips pursed for kissing and more.

Madame Arcati said...

Ugh! When I hear some old goat whistling I am tempted to happy slap him. Whistling is a hostile act and intended to annexe adjacent territory and cause misery to the space occupiers. I call on decent taxpayers to happy slap male whistlers. If the tune whistled is the product of musical theatre, repeat the happy slapping.

Anonymous said...

Spiritually aware poeple never whistle.

Mary Magdalen said...

Silly billies, you two

Old Goat said...

whatever brought this on?. Was Madame recently assaulted by an older whistling gentleman in the street?

Anonymous said...

Ok, is it the weather or what? People that whistle are just fine as well as people that hum; my late grandmother did it all the time and I loved it (darn! I just realised that was over 30 years ago). Expresses the good energy running through them (like a Nightingale *sigh*). It's when they do it indoors and a little too loud that makes you feel like slapping them silly (NO, I wouldn't slap my grandmother), because then yes, they can be trespassing your basic personal space.

Unless it is the tube or a public bathroom, just stay 50ft. away of the man, MA darling.
ox

Anonymous said...

Come to think of it MA darling, if it is a public bathroom, hold it in and wait outside until he leaves; you can never be too cautious.
ox

Anonymous said...

Oh, and my grandmother whistled OR hummed; she couldn't do both at the same time. She was great, but she was no freak show.

Surfpup said...

Don't be so gay, Madame Arcati.

Madame Arcati said...

Doncha mean, soooooooooooo gay? Try to keep up sweetypops.

Anonymous said...

A horrible old bastard was whistling on a bus the other day. It was plainly a sign of mental instability. I think whistling is the first sign of dementia and it's best just to cart these whistlers off to a skip before they do something that excites the tabloids. Thank you Madame for your customary alertness to a public evil. Old ladies with wheelie shopping bags should also be watched.

Anonymous said...

@ the soviet anon:
"cart these whistlers off to a skip before they do something that excites the tabloids"

I'm more preoccupied for such stern intolerance to some poor old coot's "artistic expression". Sounds far more dangerous to me. How frequently do we see in the tabloids: "I never would have thought... he whistled all the time" compared to "I never would have thought he seemed so quiet. He only got a little grumpy now and then at little things like some old coot whistling".

Madame Arcati said...

Artistic expression? Whistling is a release of air, like farting. I don't think such activity should be encouraged in a public place. It's very rude. Also certain tunes should be banned. If I Were A Rich Man definitely.

Anonymous said...

Whistling only smells like farting when there is a terminal case of halitosis.
Does it mean you also disapprove of this?

Madame Arcati said...

In this instance (the video), air is not being released but pressured to make a silly noise. Even so, such an exhibition would not be welcome in public places (such as a bus or train) and certainly would induce me to happy slap him for a YouTube entertainment.

Mary Magdalen said...

I'm wafting off to Michael Jackson's concert in the Elysian Fields. It's all happenin up here.

Madame Arcati said...

Ask MJ if Jordy Chandler's "admission he lied" is for real. I doubt it somehow.

Mary Magdalen said...

MJ says that Jordy knows no sin was committed. Affection is not a sin. Jordy was corrupted by money not by affection.

Anonymous said...

When I lived in Covent Garden in the 1980s, a man used to walk along the street under my window late most nights whistling. The sound carried very clearly up to the 4th floor.

It was very poignant and atmospheric - a bit like the whistling in the Betty Blue soundtrack - and I rather loved it.

All other whistling makes me want to kill like a ninja.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe it. I'm on the other side of the ocean, it's raining out here and some old goat just passed by in front of my place riding his bike and whistling so loud I could hear him from the second floor. Could it be the invasion of the whistling old goats? Is something like Close Encounters of the Third Kind happening? I'm not certain, but the tune sounded very much like Singing In The Rain - Oh! a musical!. Are we all going to die? - and you know I don't mean eventually.

Trust Me I'm A Doctor said...

Generally an older gentleman would only be capable of producing a whistle if he still had his own teeth but given the current state of the National Health System that is highly unlikely. Most gentlemen-commonly referred to as old goats, do not have their own teeth these days and the quality of NH false teeth do not allow a whistle to be emitted.

This gives rise to the notion that Madame Arcati may be suffering from the condition known as Meniere's Disease or more commonly -tinnitus, which can produce whistling type sounds in the inner ear.

Stress can bring on tinnitus and if the Madame associates this with 'old goats' it could be she has suppressed a rather unfortunate experience with an old goat and the sight of one, in the street, brings on an unexpected bout of "whistling in the ears".

I am prepared to give Madame a thorough medical examination but warn her-I am an old goat with his own teeth and whistle while I work.

Duralex said...

If any of those guys whistles Edvard Grieg's "In The Hall of the Mountain King", better run for your life! :-)

Ross Eldridge said...

Surely it's not a case of "Why?" but of "What" ... If some bearded old codger is whistling the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto in that pedestrian passage under the Thames at Greenwich ... then that's one thing. Give him a shilling or two. If Beatle Paul is whistling "Michele" down on the farm ... Now that deserves the happy slap. Or a hike in his tax rate. And at this most important watershed moment in the history of the world we must ask: "Could Michael Jackson whistle?" If not, why not?

Elsie of the Sunday Times said...

This is all over my head! I just can't cope with someone posing as Madame Arcati.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Doctor, thank you for making me laugh. What a tonic you gave me. Happily I do not suffer from tinnitus. And may I add, I did a strange thing today - I got on a London bus. Within seconds a young, criminal looking male person started whistling. By the way he held onto the ceiling bar - using it to tone his biceps by lifting his person - I could tell he should be in jail or a mental asylum, like most Londoners. He then stopped whistling for reasons still unknown to me.

Dear Elsie of the Sunday Times, I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry you're thick but I happen to know that you're a certain someone who has multiple aliases and certainly I admire your knowledge of online technologies.

Dear Ross Eldridge, Please, no exceptions. It is the practice of whistling I object to: the tune is secondary and nothing is improved by the pursing of the lips. It is well known gay people cannot whistle so MJ at least gets my vote on that.

Anonymous said...

hate public whistlers. Suggests an unbearable smugness. Ditto coins-in-pocket janglers...

Charles Hawtrey's brother said...

Ooo, I love a pocket jangle meself - especially someone else's pocket.

Anonymous said...

MA darling,
Remember my grandmother (paternal, btw)? She had ALL her teeth pulled out in her mid to late 20's. She wore false teeth, could still whistle and did it frequently while she went about her chores at home.

This notion brings me strong suspicion on the credentials of this doctor that is rushing to give a diagnose on the cause for your dislike of whistlers. I would think twice before accepting his offer for a thorough medical examination; somehow I feel it's not your ears he wants to look into (unless you do want to say Ahh - very unlike you).

And what is this that gay people don't whistle? Are you saying can't or won't and does this [condition] happen when they make the decision to "come out"?

I do dislike coins-in-pocket janglers; I can't imagine anyone that can be sympathetic to that.

p.s. I apologize for having to use that vid to submit an example - it was the first to come to mind; I don't mean to make you spend the rest of the evening trying to get it out of your head... play something else on the CD player.

The Hungry of India said...

Get lives, you lot

Anonymous said...

I was at a cash machine this morning and this old goat came up to the other ATM and started whistling tunelessly. I thought of you Madame, how right you are. I would have happy slapped him but he was bigger than me.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

whistling is on the top of my "wish I could astral project myself away immediately"...it's annoying and reminds me of a scene from "Deliverance", unbridled (!) and daunting...all I can say is let's start to tell these people to shut up! it's an invasion of my personal space...can you tell it's one of my pet peeves MA...
s~

Madame Arcati said...

We're so alike Steph. Next time you see an old goat whistling, staple his lips.

Anonymous said...

I love to whistle and I am 25 so does this mean it is ok?
I don't whistle in public often but if a nice tune comes into my head I may start quietly whistling it to myself.

I think only the happy whistle and people who do whistle don't intend to invade others space.

From what I have read here it would seem you can't even smile in public without someone being uncomfortable about it or at least having a good reason to smile.

We don't ALL walk around with a chip on our shoulder

Tom

Madame Arcati said...

How dreadful. I have put up a new posting as a result of Tom's horrible confession.