Thursday, February 12, 2009

Jonathan King: 'Camilla is a delightful gerbil'

The Eurovision-meister emeritus Jonathan King writes in praise of the Popbitch Madame, Camilla Wright ...

Dear Madame,
Camilla is one of us Madame; really sweet, intelligent, genuine, funny and bright. I'm a huge fan - which may not be regarded as a plus by all your correspondents!
JK

Dear Jonathan,
You've never said that about me. I'm really quite upset. You make Camilla sound like an enchanting gerbil, though I may have to reconsider my opinion of this nancy-woman. It's bad enough that Nicholas Coleridge fans have started to lobby me, insisting that he is "nice". Can it be possible that a man who writes appalling novels about ghastly rich alpha-types, who have ruined the world economy, and rules Condé Nast, is in fact Santa Claus wrapped up in a Bono aura in homage to the late Gregory Peck? It's as if my entire world is collapsing. I wonder who Kevin Spacey is fucking now. I want to know!
Love MA x

55 comments:

Anonymous said...

I promise I won't defend Nicholas Coleridge again! Your comment made me laugh though!

Anonymous said...

Just seen your comment about darwin on twitter, you crazy ho. And you leave camilla alone, she's The Woman, y'hear?

Anonymous said...

"I wonder who Kevin Spacey is f****ing now"
He'll never tell YOU,that's for sure. :D

Anonymous said...

well baby, at least you can say your blog attracts creatures from all walks of life.

Kevin Spacey: don’t worry; it won’t be long Veritas will comes around with a story of how they met one night a very, very long time ago and how this was the first time she ever rimmed someone…

Anonymous said...

uH-OH

Redundancies loom as Teletext cuts news outputComments

Teletext is to cut its news output and outsource more content to news agency PA in a restructure that will result in up to 16 redundancies

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madame Arcati said...

Thank you for sharing this information though I don't know what it has to do with Camilla or Popbitch. Some people are so easily distracted. No doubt the Guardian will give the subject its usual patronising treatment while acres are devoted to the micro-world of Tatler.

Onwards and sideways!

Dame Edith sitwell said...

Wondering what the future holds . . . Madame is a true poetess.

Anonymous said...

Interesting:Everytime things slow down on Madames blog ,she brings up Kevin Spacey. I wonder why? :)

Madame Arcati said...

Dame Edith, thank you dearie - but I'm a Poet not a Poetess. The ess is for essholes.

And speaking of essholes, anon above - I hadn't noticed that the blog had slowed down at all, and nor had you. But you are one of the Spacey worshippers, I can tell. Go bathe in rose petals with that silly cunting music that's always played every five minutes in documentaries.

Anonymous said...

As for my comment "on slowing down "on your blog ,I should have made it clear I was referring to the comments section ,not the number of blogs you write. In any case,the truth is Spacey will NEVER tell YOU who he's f***ing and whoever that is ,it's certainly NOT YOU! :D

Madame Arcati said...

Comments have been brisk lately - I often do better than newspaper blogs or stories. Roy Greenslade on the Guardian very often gets just half a dozen responses, usually from intense types with funny aliases.

I see no reason why Spacey shouldn't tell me who he is fucking, or f****** as you put it coyly. I would be a perfect confidante, a trustee of his secrets, the executor of his image.

Certainly he won't be telling you.

Dame Edith Sitwell said...

You're a poetess so shut yer gob

Anonymous said...

I can't believe Madame didn't hear the rumor of Spacey's secret marriage!

Anonymous said...

I am more interested in Mr Spacey's work so I have no problems with him keeping his personal secrets from me. However, I have a difficult time believing that YOU would keep his secrets private if he suddenly lost his mind and revealed all to you.Would his revealing all that is hidden to you make you suddenly change your mind & feelings about him or would he still be the rotten S.O.B. you want everyone to believe he is?
I have asked this question before but get no answer: What has this man done to you that makes you hate him so?

Madame Arcati said...

Who said I hated Spacey? The very idea! OK, so he's a dreadful snob and he has his secrets, that's life. He has his great talents - these are to be applauded. However there is a body of work on this blog on him, courtesy of his family, that I think is a useful supplement to our knowledge of him.

The idea that one is interested only in a star's talent is telling a lie: a person's sexuality is as intrinsic to choice of role as interpretation: so in a sense it is a perfect nonsense to abstract talent from person. Lift the tablecloth and enjoy the view, that's what I say.

Anonymous said...

Nancy woman?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you are correct that knowing a person's sexual identity helps to understand why a person interprets a role in a particular way. However,I grew up watching Liberace, Raymond Burr,Robert Reed, Rock Hudson & others without knowing their S.O. until I was an adult & only after they died.I am sure there were dozens of others whose work I enjoyed without that knowledge.The fact that they chose to keep that part of their lives secret didn't bother me then or now.
I just don't think I have any particular right to know just to satisfy my curiousity,if people prefer to keep that part of their lives secret. Since I am not likely to get close enough to Kevin Spacey for him to be willing lift his tablecloth & let me get a peek at his view,so to speak, I'll stick to admiring his work .

Anonymous said...

MA darling, I sure hope is not true that we have to know a person’s sexual interests to determine their acting ability and appreciate their take on any role. That is exactly (in MY opinion) what has harmed this form of art in the past 35 years or so: this obsession on HAVING to know about “Stars” private lives to appreciate them – us taking for granted that it is our right to know “the truth” because they should be honest (Why? Why is it that these people have to pay with their privacy for getting to be popular? Why is it that striving to become a great performer is considered equal to selling your soul?). It doesn’t matter how attractive and charming a man is, once we find out that in real life he is not interested in women, everyone is scrutinizing every smile, turn, pose he makes to come to the conclusion he is not quite convincing in his role (the same with girls); their talent is tainted by our very subjective judgment (it doesn’t matter how mild or strong) and everyone takes sides, depending on their moral values. Their private lives should be a mystery for OUR sake.

Regarding Spacey, I just can’t see what is all the fascination for his “talent”; I’m yet to be impressed by anything he has done (and his role performances in movies like American Beauty and K=PAX = blah!).

Anonymous said...

On the other hand, I’m a little upset that the previous Anon is lumping Liberace with those actors. The later went to great lengths to hide their “SO” to the point of inventing romances, wives and even children that “died” in their infancy. They didn’t keep their lives private because it is none of our business, but because they were afraid of the consequences (not that I blame them, but I certainly put Liberace in a different league). I consider the lawsuits Liberace engaged against newspapers for “implying” he was homosexual a rightful way to tell them “mind your business and don’t go around making statements you can’t prove” and I am sure the romances he had with women were truthful, like it happens to many gay (and I mean gay, not bi) men.

I must have been four when I first saw Liberace on TV and I can’t assert if Anon is very naïve or if these things where talked about around me too freely, but I knew since then “what he was” (I may not have learned until much later what e x a c t l y it meant, but it was obvious to me then he preferred boys) and I actually credit his… stance? towards it for my instant interest on a man today when I learn he is gay – I “measure” everyone against Liberace’s “what is it to you” attitude. He was like no other gay man I knew of in my childhood: other public gay men were looked at either as disgusting, a big disappointment or a bad joke.

As a performer I adored him for his enormous ability to entertain and make us feel good. As a person, I was fascinated by his demeanor: camp but poised, playful but courteous, exuberant but tasteful (yes, I find his 18th century inspired outfits tasteful and he was always neatly groomed too).

I felt he carried himself as nobility and it was obvious, even to a little girl like me that nobody would look him in the eye, confront him in public and attempt to ridicule him for anything going on in his personal life. That famous phrase “oh yes, my brother cried all the way to the bank” exemplified his “ask me if I care for your opinion of me” attitude towards his detractors.

To me, he was, with his strong, determined character and cool behavior, much more of a man than any of the straight men that would have loved to see him insulted by calling him Nancy to his face.
ox

Madame Arcati said...

When Arcati says nancy it's a term of affection or ironic satire. Liberace belonged to another age altogether. Anyone who reads Cassandra's vicious and homophobic piece in the Mirror now will be appalled by it and I'm glad Liberace sued and lied in court - newspapers are always way behind civilisation, peopled as they are by alcoholic trogs or money-worshippers.

No one has a right to know anything about a star's sex life - rights don't come into it. It's just we're all very curious and intent on pinning people down. Spacey is to be applauded in not allowing himself to be pinned - he is very aware of the power of public impression and plays a clever game, built around his immense talents and fandom goodwill. But none of this should deter the nosey-parker from sniffing about - otherwise would be artificial.

Nor do I think talent should be used by nosey-parkers as any excuse not to sniff: talent does not raise anyone above anyone else - though I realise in these secular times, the godless must worship something.

Anonymous said...

Oh, please! Don’t think that I don’t WANT to know also; but I must say that I’m not interested in finding out everyone’s liking – if I’m curious, is about those who I fantasize they may go insane and want to have something with me. I couldn’t give a hoot if I was to find out that Kevin is indeed gay or bi or that so is say Leonardo DiCrapio, but I would be devastated to learn that… Erik Bana is gay (rats! Another slurpy eye candy lost to the other team!).

So, is that it? Is that why you keep wondering about Kevin? Please say no – you and Tyler Brûlé = Oh yeah; you and Kevin = eww, eww, eww.
oxox

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

I am amused by all the hoopla regarding why the public wouldn't want to know more about Kevin..Kevin is clever because he has many employees that help him retain his anonymity...
we want to know why Brad Pitt wore the same outfit that he was attired in the day befoe his interview ..he was at the airport when they took a photo and than he showed up in the almost exact outfit the next day..that was newsworthy..EVERYTHING is newsworthy when it comes to celebrity status; it comes with the territory...and we should expect that...and Kevin should accept it and stop playing cat and mouse..It has hurt his family! Money can buy love but it can silence a few...hmmm.
so go at me anonymous..or however you are going to masquerade as this time...I find it amusing...
s!

Madame Arcati said...

I wonder about lots of things, the gay thing is the least of it. But space is best filled with nose candy.

Madame Arcati said...

Very well put Steph. And as Kev's one-time sis-in-law, you know what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

"and Kevin should accept it and stop playing cat and mouse..It has hurt his family!"

Priceless.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

......I apologize..I meant money CAN'T buy real love.. yes, MA, I am privy to many "secrets" in the Fowler family...
s!
xo MA

Anonymous said...

It's not that I'm not curious to know more about Kevin Spacey ,etc. I just believe he has a much right to reveal or conceal his private life as I do. Perhaps I was naive about who was or wasn't gay.Such issues along with suicide ,mental illnes,mental retardation were not discussed as I was growing up. I never saw an openly gay person until I was in high school or met a Down Syndrome child until I was in college.
I also find that too much knowledge about a person's life,especially involvement in drugs, porno,underage girls,brawls etc. can make it difficult for me to maintain an interest in them or their work.

Anonymous said...

I think the one who is really playing cat and mouse here is former SIL Steph.You keep teasing the curious ones by telling them you are privy to many of his family's secrets ,yet never you never fully reveal what they are.Maybe you are saving these vingettes for your book?

Anonymous said...

> Money can('t) buy love but it can silence a few...

If only it could silence the likes of you, this world would be a much better place!

Anonymous said...

Dear Anon,

I agree wholeheartedly with you about these people having the same right as us to their privacy and I admit that I’m no different than the rest: we all want to know more about people that are considered remarkable; either because we agree they are brilliant and we would like to know what they are doing right and if they are “really happy”, or because we don’t find they are all that remarkable and somehow we want to reassure ourselves we are not missing anything (aren’t we pigs?).

I also agree with you that knowing too much about a personality makes us bias on our opinion on them in the whole. Case in point: Marlon Brando and Laurence Olivier, two actors regarded by most as performers with extraordinary talent. If they were alive today, and word came out halfway through their careers that David Niven witnesed them kissing in the pool, I assure you that TODAY, when people’s perception of these things have relaxed a little, they would lose plenty (if not most or all) of the opportunities they had to play the excelent roles they were given. We know this is because it has become a habit to believe actors cannot play roles that are much different from who they are or seem to be (which is really hilarious when you think of Sylvester Stallone or Tom Cruise playing roles of saviors of the world – LOL).

I think that they are right to defend their privacy with their lives and those who put it out there for all to see are fools and pay dearly for their foolishness (reality TV).

ox

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

Anonymous,
You have carried on with no validity in my opinion..your words hold as much weight as a helium balloon...you wish to remain anonymous so that exonerates you from relating to anyone that has a verifiable name..famous or not..how can we relate to what you have to say...it is an ox"moron".............
s!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Dogberry:

We Anonymi are not bloggers. This is why we don't provide more conveniently clickable monikers. I know you have limitations but do try to follow along, dear.

As for Kevin Spacey: he isn't fucking me so it's none of my personal concern. Are you truly so hard up, MA, that you spend your time worrying over that? My hunch is you were just throwing Dogberry a bone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous ,
You understand exactly my point. Too much knowledge about anyone in the public eye can easily overshadow their accomplishments. When it happens to actors, their public persona makes it difficult to see the character(s)they play. So,unless K.S. commits some horrific crime ,I will be content knowing what he chooses to reveal & not be overly concerned about he doesn't.
And "S" the word is "oxymoron". I am not a famous person ,so my name would mean nothing to you,MA or other contributers to this blog.

Madame Arcati said...

But I'm quite prepared to believe the parts played by the likes of Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt or Sean Penn even as I know whom they are frickin. We must try to forget about people's sex lives once we have the details. It's very old fashioned to shy away and pretend something is not happening.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..you ARE a moron if you think I didn't know the word is OXYMORON... I didn't truly care because the majority of readers knew it was a typo and a play on words.. most people don't give a fig about one letter inadvertently left out...oh, except anal ones like you...

\s!

Anonymous said...

MA darling,
I think you have figured out by now I adore you and enjoy enormously arguing with you; but, this is one subject we can discuss ad infinitum (specially, me; you know: blah blah, blah blah, blah blah).

This is why instead of telling you to wake up and smell the caca, go on arguing and giving you examples of how disturbing comments on homosexuality (behind gay people’s back) can get among the most reasonable looking people, I’ll drop it for now - I know you will bring up the subject another day and we can tear it apart some more then.

Love you
ox

Anonymous said...

> This is why instead of telling you to wake up and smell the caca, go on arguing and giving you examples of how disturbing comments on homosexuality (behind gay people’s back) can get among the most reasonable looking people

Especially when said comments are utterly baseless and clueless, as happens more often than not. Recently I witnessed a merciless verbal fight between 2 professional gossip columnists about Tom Cruise's sexuality, one of them shouting "gay!" and the other one "straight!". OMG, that was soooo enjoyable!

Anonymous said...

–– Recently I witnessed a merciless verbal fight between 2 professional gossip columnists about Tom Cruise's sexuality, one of them shouting "gay!" and the other one "straight!". ––

LOL. Same thing here between Perez Hilton and Margaret Cho (only Margaret happens to know personally the people she's talking about, and she's a true, serious gay activist, not a fanatical gay "outer"):

http://www.q-notes.com/features/feature2007/feature03_063007.html

Anonymous said...

Come to think of it, Steph, whose daughter is that mysterious 'loving niece' who told you to shut the f... up and leave her dad alone, remember? I want to know!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh,yes, S tell us about the niece ! One thing I do want to know about people ,famous or otherwise,is children. I love baby & toddler pictures, especially. They are too young to be cynical about life & the world. So don't be coy,S. Tell us ,is the niece from your side or Kevin's.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

I have a few nieces, and this particular one is going through a rough time in her life...I don't reveal my information regarding other children's anger issues..., if she feels that she wants to vent..let her. I won't stoop to that level darling..
s!

Anonymous said...

I agree ,Steph, only she has the right to reveal & discuss her personal issues.

Anonymous said...

Okay, but which "dad" was she talking about? Logically it has to be Randy... or Kevin. Don't dodge the question, please!

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..writing my book is a different story though..no one is immune to the truth..don't worry, they are all over the age 18..I haven't committed any crimes!! (more than I can say about other characters I have penned) you don't have to be famous to have HUGE skeletons in the closet (but there are plenty of those also)..so, hold on for the roller coaster ride...one thing I have learned in life is that truth is much more interesting than fiction..ciao for now...a holiday is much needed...thank you all for your incomparable inspiration and consistent dysfunctional comments!
s!

Anonymous said...

What the hell are you talking about with your crimes and skeletons?! Listen up, darling, all we want to know is whether that niece is Randy's, Kevin's or someone else's daughter. Just cut and paste the right answer, that will suffice.

Anonymous said...

That eloquent silence tells it all. Point taken.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..how about you bore me and it's none of your business...
s!

Anonymous said...

--it's none of your business...--

Yeah, right. Do you think 'Madame', for one, will take that as a valid answer? This is a gossip blog, darling, in case you don't know. So fess up or hit the road.

Madame Arcati said...

I am quite content with Steph's answer - for a load of stuff on the Spacey family just follow the labels. Steph has ben generous with her personal info.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you say so. But it's not "the Spacey family", sweetheart, it's the Fowler/Mastini family (yawn). And it's not "a load of stuff", it's a load of crap (re-yawn).

Madame Arcati said...

Yet you appear to be fascinated by it all. Crap doesn't normally have such power.

Anonymous said...

Coming from you, that kind of tired sophistry is bitterly disappointing.

Madame Arcati said...

I speak as I find, you're clearly obsessed and after info.

Anonymous said...

Pot, kettle, black. :->