Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Ian Halperin - Spacey is the Hollywood norm


The pity of Ian Halperin’s otherwise tremendously readable new book Hollywood Undercover: Revealing the Sordid Secrets of Tinseltown is that he can’t name the A-listers he thinks are gay closet cases.

Kevin Spacey is scarcely even alluded to – but then he’s semi-detached from Tinseltown these days – and arguably always was. He’s class, you see; not like those trash stars who end up featured in The Homes of the Rich & Famous. When I meet Ian for a chat I ask him about Tom Cruise. He says: “People everywhere said he was gay but I found no proof. There’s no smoking gun.” I don’t believe it. But he’s happy to confirm that John Travolta “was” gay but may now be straight thanks to Scientology auditing. I don’t believe that either - that he's completely straight. Few people are, and some are gayer than others, of course.

Another pity of the book is that Halperin really is quite naïve and uninformed of Hollywood life in some particulars. His intention is to reveal the sordid underbelly of Tinseltown and to that end he reinvents himself as a wannabe actor called His Highness. On his journey he encounters the Masonic-like Queers of the Round Table – a bunch of influential queens who like to name the cock-cockers and cunt-cunters of stage and screen.

Halperin is astonished to learn that about 75% of male actors are gay – up to 95% in the theatre. In my interview Halperin says “Nine out of 10 male actors are gay.” Dykes match the national average – about 10% or less. He finds it hard to believe that Hollywood is still homophobic: so the Queers spell out to him what’s riding on an A-lister hunk: millions and millions of dollars. Women sitting in their fabric pews need to believe that the incarnation of celluloid cock before them would like to fuck them if only they had the chance. Belief – it’s at the core of everything. Pulp Fiction; Vatican City; Christopher Hitchens’ atheistic fantasies. Belief equals money.

It works the same way with men – “Look what happened to Anne Heche after she came out as Ellen DeGeneres’ girlfriend,” says a Queer. “Six Days, Seven Nights … tanked. Not because it was terrible but because men could no longer go to the movies and picture themselves boffing her.”

Halperin learns of actresses who marry gay or bisexual men for payment and promises of a glittering career. One B-list actress I know of was bought for $5m to marry an A-list actor and be his beard - now she's an A-lister too, though happily divorced and unhappily remarried to a straight fuck up.

The book starts with one of many curious chance encounters: in a London park he bumps into Ava Gardner, then in exile from Frank Sinatra and his mob friends. Ian scarcely knows who she is. She tells him how Frank beat her and was hung like a mule, as if we’d never heard this before. Still, they become friends. Later, with the Queers, he can’t believe that James Dean was gay – I mean, which planet is he on? Still, interesting detail is thrown up. The going rate for a call boy is $2,000. The Queers’ gossip is presented as Popbitch-type teasers – which married A-lister likes to be shat and pissed on? I haven’t a clue.

A high point is his encounter with the late Anna Nicole Smith. She takes him to Marilyn Monroe's pink crypt in LA and then, after reciting the Monroe funeral eulogy, asks Halperin to fuck her by the grave side. He does while "Marilyn smiles down on them".

On his journey through the stalls of Hollywood, His Highness encounters low-life grotesques, confidence tricksters, sleazy liars and abusers: Hollywood is enchanted by any association with royalty, and as Halperin tells it, even falls for his claim to be of the Israeli royal family (perhaps the mugs were thinking of Jewish princesses …).

I asked Ian what wanted prompted him to write the book.

“A friend went to Hollywood to seek her fortune as an actress. First she maxed her credit cards. Within 8-9 months she became addicted to drugs and turned to prostitution, then jumped off the Hollywood Sign to her death. This happens quite regularly – that put the idea in my head to write the book. I did some digging to find out what the chance is of making it – I’d say one in 10m. It’s a dream that creates an industry – at the expense of young people.”

You seem to attract celebrity through chance encounters – like meeting Ava Gardner. Does this always happen to you?

“Yes. I even bumped into Ozzy Osbourne in Oxford Street this week. In Central Park I sat next to Oprah Winfrey and we spoke for about half an hour. She is the most genuine, human, philanthropic person I have ever met who’s a star; she’s the real deal. Most celebrities want to abuse life as much as they can.”

You write in an entertaining, comic way. But you are angered by abuse and treachery….

“Yes, I provide substance. I love Borat but I'm not like him really. I am a journalist, I reveal. I do it tongue-in-cheek. His Highness sets them up to shoot them down. Hollywood is obsessed with royalty and His Highness was the perfect name. The people I met have no scruples. Slip a bag of cocaine to an agent for an audition – no problem. There’s lots of payola in Hollywood."

Was Hollywood worse than you imagined?

“A million times worse – the Lohans and the Hiltons – they are the norm. The average actor is a thousand times worse than you might think – they may have resorted to stripping, pimping, drugs and other illegal things to get on. The studio execs are some of the most unscrupulous people I have ever met – one always insisted on a blowjob from aspiring actresses. A lot of people should be in jail."

Homosexuality is a big theme in your book…

“I was pretty surprised – 9 out of 10 actors are gay. Without question Travolta was audited by the Scientologists to ‘remove’ his homosexuality. I have seen pictures of him kissing a man, a video of an ex-lover who was paid off by Travolta.”

Throughout the book there are prompts to go to YouTube to watch some of his featured interviews and encounters on video. Type in “High Highness Halperin” in the search box and have great fun. He tells me that he has 400 hours of film footage for his TV mockumentary – which was the original basis of the book – and this will be released as a full-length movie in 2008 by Paramount.

Also get to read his 2002 book Shut Up and Smile in which he stitches up the fashion world. And in the future he will write about the Broadway play he wrote called 27 Heaven – “I set out to write the worst play in history and it became a success,” he laughs.

Part-Borat, part-Toby Young, part-Nick Broomfield, Halperin is a satirical action man.

To order the book click here
For YouTube.com click here. Type in "His Highness Halperin" in the search box

58 comments:

Lorenzo said...

> "Ian Halperin – Spacey is the Hollywood norm"

Your own statement, not Halperin's. This is betrayal and journalistic (ahem) abuse.

> that he can’t name the A-listers he thinks are gay closet cases.

He names John Travolta, though. I find it quite daring, as for me.

> Kevin Spacey is scarcely even alluded to

Knowing your working methods, I suppose that "scarcely" is to be translated by "not at all". Certainly for good reasons. If that guy has no evidence about Tom Cruise, what about Spacey, then?

I'm afraid you're the only one to be convinced by your own incantations, by now, carissima. :-)
Oh, and according to my sources, James Dean was not gay, but bisexual.

Moon Mistress said...

>Kevin Spacey is scarcely even alluded to – but then he’s semi-detached from Tinseltown these days – and arguably always was.<

I wonder why that is, oh delusional one. Wishing something doesn’t make it true, you know.

>He’s class, you see; not like those trash stars who end up featured in The Homes of the Rich & Famous.<

Awwww.....you DO love him. Yeah, I know sarcasm when I see it so don’t bother to correct me.

>I don’t believe that either - that he's completely straight. Few people are, and some are gayer than others, of course.<

K..............very odd statement, this.

>Six Days, Seven Nights … tanked. Not because it was terrible<

Yes, it was.

>but because men could no longer go to the movies and picture themselves boffing her.<

Sadly, this is true. My boyfriend told me as much when we saw the film.

Then, Lorenzo says:

> "Ian Halperin – Spacey is the Hollywood norm"

Your own statement, not Halperin's. This is betrayal and journalistic (ahem) abuse.

> Kevin Spacey is scarcely even alluded to

Knowing your working methods, I suppose that "scarcely" is to be translated by "not at all". Certainly for good reasons. If that guy has no evidence about Tom Cruise, what about Spacey, then?


Lorenzo, will you marry me????? :)

Anonymous said...

It works the same way with men – “Look what happened to Anne Heche after she came out as Ellen DeGeneres’ girlfriend,” says a Queer. “Six Days, Seven Nights … tanked. Not because it was terrible but because men could no longer go to the movies and picture themselves boffing her.”

I guess someone best alert the adult film industry. The proliferation of - and vast profits from - "girl-on-girl" films targeted almost exclusively to men seems a powerful argument to the contrary.

Madame Arcati said...

I mean what I write - Spacey is mentioned only in passing. It must be in the actor's horoscope that his private life is a Bermuda Triangle in which writers soon get lost. Fortunately, Arcati is immune to the effects of this nonsense and sees and hears and reports. Everything I write is sourced to reliable, worldly people - unlike the creche creeps who nurse their fantasies, probably for some exotic sexual reason. Don't you agree Steph?

Anonymous said...

The YouTube tie-up is a novel way of cross-promoting book and video with a view to a movie which in turn will push the re-issue of the book. I think I'm going to buy myself a digital video cam.

Anonymous said...

"his private life is a Bermuda Triangle in which writers soon get lost"

At last s/he admits it. When will you get lost in Spacey for good, madame? No one will hear you scream. :-)

"Everything I write is sourced to reliable, worldly people"

Oh yes, we saw that. Popbitch, Perez Hilton, Defamer, Jossip et al. Authorities.

< unlike the creche creeps who nurse their fantasies, probably for some exotic sexual reason. >

Don't charge your opponents with your own sins. There are rational minds who only trust firsthand unbiased reports.

Halperin's book is just another commercial load of crap, from where I stand.

Anonymous said...

HMMM- Is this what you hate about Kevin Spacey-that he keeps his private life & his private parts private? I think it is refreashing in an age when so many actors/actresses are letting it "all hang out" literally and figuratively.I doubt you ever find KS exposing his privates so photog's can take pics of them for the tabloids unlike so many others lately.
Or is that he chooses to live far from Hollywood. A wise choice ,I think, since it seems to have such a corosive effct on so many who do live there.
You say Spacey is mentioned only in passing but you don't reveal what was said.Couit be Mr. Halperin either said Spacey isn't gay or he doesn't know?
Now it is only fair that you reveal such remarks in the interest of good journalism.

Anonymous said...

Madame, your column about Halperin's book was perfecto! bravo! The book is great but he should have revealed names. do you know if he'll reveal their names in his film?

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you - the movie won't name names: Hollywood would sue the project to death. The Travolta angle may cause problems - not least from the Scientologists. But if you go to YouTube you'll get some idea of what to expect.

Anonymous said...

"The book is great but he should have revealed names."

It's very simple: all the Hollywood A-listers are gay (Russell Crowe included, I guess), except for Tom Cruise!

You tabloïd addicts are stunningly credulous, and such an easy prey for unscrupulous people like Arcati, Halperin et al.

The fucking of A. N. Smith in the Pink crypt is a highlight. Too bad Smith is no more available to tell her version of the story. Halperin carefully chooses the celebs he fucks, doesn't he? :-)

Anonymous said...

you are wrong about cruise kidman, honest. that one went way out of hand and wasn't true then and isn't true now. the marriage was a sham but for a reason nobody has quite nailed yet. one day i'll do this piece for vanity fair if carter ever leaves.

Anonymous said...

Madame, is this the same Halperin who wrote that amazing book about Kurt Cobain's death. If so, could you do a review of that one too. It's one of my all time favorite books. Keep up the great work!

Madame Arcati said...

The Cobain book is a bit yesterday now but I'll see. Thank you for the compliment. MA x

iknowsomethingyoudontknow said...

$2000 dollars for rent - is this per hour, fuck, night, week ? At these prices what do the 'ordinary' pervs hire ?

Gordon said...

>> “A friend went to Hollywood to seek her fortune as an actress. First she maxed her credit cards. Within 8-9 months she became addicted to drugs and turned to prostitution, then jumped off the Hollywood Sign to her death. <<

Rings a bell to me. Wasn't her name Mary C. Brown? ;-)

>> The studio execs are some of the most unscrupulous people I have ever met – one always insisted on a blowjob from aspiring actresses. <<

Only one? Only a blowjob? Only from actresses? Congrats, Mr Halp'. Big scoop. Nobody's ever heard of the "casting couch" before.

>> To order the book click here. <<

I hope you get royalties for this!

Jennifer said...

Yo baby faces,
read u this tome. Is the best read ever about Tinseltown. This guy Halperin is the bomb!!!! And he got to fuck Anna Nicole. I wonder what Mr. Birkhead thinks about it all.

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

not only do I agree with you Madame, but I think "me smells the stench of the Francine" phenomena has struck again...she loves to feed the masses with her redundant "writing"..over and over ...her style is so obvious..she takes quips and quotes and than answers with her self deluded literary humor and sarcasm. I have always spoken the truth and she can't handle the truth (love you Pacino)now he id the real deal...she loves to needle you Madame..I find it rather amusing that the name "Spacey" still gets her juices flowing...let's see how she attacks me now!! Wish she would have the guts to "come out of the closet since she is bi also! what really got me going was the comment about Kevin having class. Ever take a good look at the suits he wears..? The reason I bring this to light, is that he has been put on a pedestal and we are only human..even him! He needs a stylist....He's a great actor, but his brother outshines him in by far, creatively.. and he doesn't need a script..

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

By the way, Moon Mistress...you broke your cover...hello Francine and Thom ... you need to create another pseudonym. AGAIN..you have SO MANY!

Anonymist said...

Stephanie hun, maybe you should go lie down for a little while.

Anonymous said...

You are a bloody twit, aren't you Steph? You think you Moon Mistress at a 1000 cyber paces but you apparently can't tell Pacino from Nicholson in close up!

I'd post under my real name but why bother? You'll just attribute this to some figment of your imagination anyway.

Moon Mistress said...

Congratulations, Stephanie. Once again, you managed to surprise even me by the sheer immenseness of your stupidity. Francine, I am not. Bi-sexual, I am not. Although if I were, I would not be ashamed to admit it--on either count. By the way, again you misunderstood. I believe the poster you are refering to said that YOU, Steph, (I wouldn't want you to misunderstand again) have no class NOT that Kevin has class (although he certainly does). Learn to read, baby (or can you only read and comprehend typos). And by the way, you have lost all credibility in your statement that Randy has more class than Kevin. Puleeese!!! Oh my gawd!!!!! Mamma Mia!

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

Thank you Francine for proving my point..miss moonie..
Try looking in the mirror when you speak about "class"..Miss Birkenstock has struck again..I love it!! Get over yourself sweetie..You have been living a lie all your life. I read perfectly well, but painting is my forte.. I know it's you because it's very late over in England and you caught my bait real quick didn't you? (among other obvious clues)
As for Randy, I will only say that he is so much more interesting than you will ever perceive to be. Now I will leave your excruciating stench, for now....ciao!
I have been busy with people that deserve my help, and have also been on a heart monitor. Now that's a sister for you. She doesn't give a shit, only when it comes to mocking me..cruel oblate one.

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

Nickelson,Pacino...they are both in the same class..pure magic on the screen..excuse my faux pas..!
And they aren't stalking little boys in the park..

Moon Mistress said...

Oh Stephanie my dear....I can't even go on with this. It's way too sad. You are one pathetic sorry individual. Darling, you need help....honestly. Please seek it before it's too late.

Signed,

Moon Mistress (sorry wrong again--not Francine)

Moon Mistress said...

The psychotic Steph said:
And they aren't stalking little boys in the park..


Honey, I hope you're selling some of those paintings of yours to help you pay for the lawsuit heading your way after that comment. Talk about slander. My God.

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

that's very funny...it's called free speech..I haven't alluded to anyone specifically you dumb twit FRANCINE>>>>
get on with your life..

Anonymous said...

Steph,
Not even Madame has accused KS of being a paedophile! So what do you mean by "stalking boys in the park"? Are you accusing him of trying to sex with minors? This is a serious allegation and should not be made even sarcastically!

Moon Mistress said...

Stephanie, listen to me.....carefully.

I AM NOT FRANCINE OR THOM OR ANYONE RELATED TO YOU!!!!

Falls to knees...Thank you, God.

Boris K. said...

Can we get back to the matter at hand - Halperin's book. Please, can you tell me more about what he wrote about The Church of Scientology? thanks.

Claire said...

Great headline, Madame! We all should wish Mr. Spacey were the Hollywood norm of talent, charisma and dedication to the cause of dramatic art.
Up to 95% gay male actors in the theatre? Good heavens, don't tell Naomi Watts that Liev Schreiber is 95% queer, it would destroy her :-).

Anonymous said...

< Not even Madame has accused KS of being a paedophile! So what do you mean by "stalking boys in the park"? Are you accusing him of trying to sex with minors? This is a serious allegation and should not be made even sarcastically! >

Having followed this soap-opera from the beginning, I don't think "la Mastini" is talking about her ex-brother-in-law. This doesn't make her out of topic rants less tiresome...

Moon Mistress said...

>Having followed this soap-opera from the beginning, I don't think "la Mastini" is talking about her ex-brother-in-law. This doesn't make her out of topic rants less tiresome...<

Ah...do you think that it's about her ex....not her ex-brother-in-law? I've got it now. Thanks Anon.

Anonymous said...

< Ah...do you think that it's about her ex.... >

Not either. :-)

Moon Mistress said...

Hmmmm......interesting.

Anonymous said...

I was referring back to the comment that SM made about Pacino & Nickelson- That they are "pure magic on the screen and they don't stalk little boys in the park" This is a reference to the incident where KS was walking his dog in the park and had his cell phone stolen.The part about "little boys" implies that he looks for underage males to have sex with. This in turns implies that he is a paedophile . Yet she makes this comment without a shred of evidence to prove that it is true. The fact they she doesn't like him is no excuse to make such slanderous/libelous remarks. Maybe he didn't like her art or came on to him and he turned her down. In any case,I am still bewildered by this viscious vendetta that MA & SA are carrying on against this man.
Ladies,if you have any geniune proof that this man has done what you have claimed/implied that he has done,then turn it over to the police.innuendos accomplish nothing to harm him but are making you both look bad.

Madame Arcati said...

Kevin Spacey is not a paedophile and I have never made any such suggestion to that effect. He likes hunky young men and there's nothing wrong with that. And if he gives women good head, ain't that great, too. All the froth that follows any mention of him on this site is the muddled presumptions of the loonies obsessed with him - who nurse their dim movie fantasies to their heart's content. Do grow up assholes.

Anonymous said...

Sorry,BORIS.K, I guess you'll have to read the book !

Anonymous said...

That is true Madame,you have NOT accused him of being a paedophile but you have implied he is a sexual predator without explaining why you believe that is true. At least,that is what is sounds like. If you are using the term predator to mean something else,please explain.
Steph's remark about Pacino/Nichelson being great actors and not stalking little boys in the park appears to be a reference to KS walking his dog in the park incident. And that sounds as if she is impling he is a paedophile.If not,then perhashe can clarify that for us.

Moon Mistress said...

Not saying that YOU said this, Madame. But THIS statement "Nickelson,Pacino...they are both in the same class..pure magic on the screen..excuse my faux pas..!
And they aren't stalking little boys in the park.." by Ms. Mastini, crosses the line. Interpreting this statement as refering to Mr Spacey is not "the muddled presumptions of the loonies obsessed with him." If you don't reign her in, you are going to have trouble.

Duralex said...

Ho ho ho, people, all this smells very nasty indeed. I'm serious.

<< Kevin Spacey is not a paedophile and I have never made any such suggestion to that effect. He likes hunky young men and there's nothing wrong with that. And if he gives women good head, ain't that great, too. >>

Aaah, at last a sensible speech !

If I were you, Arcati chérie, I'd command that Mastini woman to restrain herself from spitting her insane shit out. If memory serves, I warned you already she'd get you into big trouble.

But after all, you only get what you deserve. Why the hell do you keep stalking Spacey so badly ?! It's really odd, you know.

wannabe said...

"Kevin Spacey is not a paedophile and I have never made any such suggestion to that effect. He likes hunky young men and there's nothing wrong with that. And if he gives women good head, ain't that great, too. "

Wow Madame Arcati...you've gained some points from me for stating that. (applause, applause)

Now gain some more by moderating Steph's posts. She just sucks the entertainment out of this board (and no I'm not Francine or whomever else she may think I am). Just a person that normally lurks!!!

Sarah Williams said...

Stephanie, your past posts have enquired as to why Kevin refuses to have contact with your ex husband - I'm sure your behaviour on these boards say a lot and really do not help.
Mr Spaceys suits are classy your ex husband has a very different style - each to their own.
If you have issues with your sister please take them to her PERSONALLY.As discussed before i have been responsible for many of the 'anons' and I AM NOT RELATED TO YOU !
Madame Arcati in not monitering this womans posts you are in very real danger of things getting serious.
I find your obsession with Spacey amusing at best mildly irritating at worst but Ms Mastini is taking things to a very different level .
I'm sure Spacey could care less about the gay comments but I assure you being referred to as a peadophile on a public web site is a very different matter and I don't think your denials will cut it.

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

It was not Kevin I was referring to you idiots. It was someone else and she knows who she is...I don't know what Kevin thinks about me and it is irrelevant..I have tough skin guys..my art is my passion and I still contribute my proceeds and my time to "help" people that deserve it. Think what you may, but I have a ball on here watching the claws come out..and in so many forms!! I have a high respect for Madame, because she cuts through the shit..I admire that trait.

JP said...

>It was not Kevin I was referring to you idiots. It was someone else and she knows who she is.<

I see. And it just HAPPENED to appear in a post about Kevin and his "incident" in the park. Uh-huh.

Please......go away.

Anonymous said...

Oh,I am completely confused, Steph.You say that the remark you made about"staking little boys in the park was not about KS but a female you know? You said your sister is bi-are you saying she liked to stalk little boys in parks?

Anonymous said...

Just what I thought. If you're brave enough, read Mastini's older rants against her sister and you'll be convinced. But the references to Pacino, Nicholson and that goddamn park made her message ambiguous. It takes an expert to fathom her mental confusion, you know. :->

Anonymous said...

No expert needed. We know who she meant--and it wasn't her sister. It IS very convenient that it was in a post about Kevin's "incident" in the park AND in a statement with two other male actors right after she had been comparing one of those male actors to Kevin. We're not stupid.

Sarah Williams said...

Stephanie also must think Madame Arcati an idiot as judging by the swift denial of any such claims she/he obvously didn't want to play silly games with your ambiguity.
Please take your incessant wittering about your "art" and your paranoia over your relatives elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

Please folks lets get back to the topic at hand, Mr. Halperin's controversial book. I read it and lov e it. Only thing I wish is that he would have given more names. Otherwise, best Hollywood book ever written.

Moon Mistress said...

>I read it and love it.<

Is the focus mostly on who's gay and who's not, or is there other gossip in it as well?

confused in the lone star state said...

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...

I still contribute my proceeds and my time to "help" people that deserve it.

Why is help enclosed in quotation marks? What is it a euphamism for?

wannabe said...

"Forgotten Ones Fund"/steph said...
I don't know what Kevin thinks about me and it is irrelevant..


I really don't think Kevin thinks about you at all, he knows how to live life without clinging to the past.

Anonymous said...

k-anon
The best part about resading Ma's blog is the fact that I haven't a clue who 95% of the people she mentions are.Please keep that way!

The Daughter-of-a-Bitch said...

"I have a high respect for Madame, because she cuts through the shit."

Ahem, more often than not s/he has to swallow her own shit. Just ask Snow, Williams, Pearsons, Winchell, etc.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"Please folks lets get back to the topic at hand, Mr. Halperin's controversial book. I read it and lov e it. Only thing I wish is that he would have given more names. Otherwise, best Hollywood book ever written."

Then, Moon Mistress said...
"Is the focus mostly on who's gay and who's not, or is there other gossip in it as well?"

Must not have been that anxious to get back to the book I see. :)

marcella said...

I delighted in the hypocrisy of Madame's excuse for not wishing to delve into the Cobain bio - so "yesterday" - given Halperin's scoops here include 60 year old tidbits about Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner. (Frank must have been 1 in 10 too.) Could it really be that Madame is not the slightest bit interested in the bulk of what Halperin writes?

Oh, the (mock) horror.

Anonymous said...

< Could it really be that Madame is not the slightest bit interested in the bulk of what Halperin writes? >

Madame's exclusive interest is in the gay-or-not theme. This is called 'Perez Hilton syndrome'.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.