Friday, May 22, 2009

Madame Arcati buys herself a birthday present: Lumley

Yes, a Venus fly trap (Dionaea muscipula). I couldn't resist it. I have called her - her - Lumley. The instructions say I should feed her "minor" insects - so what are "major" insects? Perhaps Lumley can be won round to tofu. We shall see. I will naturally keep you updated on Lumley's progress: she looked rather limp and neglected in the garden centre but revived when I set her pot in a saucer of rain water from the butt. Isn't this a more edifying posting than all those pieces on cock, Lycra, slebs and Jasper Gerard?

Along with Joan Collins', my birthday is tomorrow, May 23. Any advice on nurturing Lumley into an atheist-eating triffid will count as a prez.

Lumley aside, I asked Mr Styx a question. You can ask him one too. Click here


Anonymous said...

Oh, how cool is that! X-)) Great conversation piece for your coffee table - Hope it survives.
Minor: fruit fly (find a window that is not to hot or sunny where to sit it out for a little while in the mornings and maybe a LITTLE piece of banana close by to attract them - if you eat the banana you can just sit out the skin and throw it out when you bring her back in).
Major: Dragonfly (scientific name: Anisoptera - boring; West Indian name: "Batty Mamselle" - better)
Nr. 11 - you do know where is your batty, right?

You know life wouldn't be the same without "all those pieces on cock, Lycra, slebs and Jasper Gerard" of yours, darling; who is not comfortable with them can go to other blogs in the internet universe and be bored out of their minds.

I wasn't going to post this until midnight, but oh, well. You can wait to open it if you want.
Luv U puky.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear OX

I am sooo touched by your YouTube vid, it seems designed for me, but then I'm soft that way.

As to Lumley, the thought of holding down a dragonfly while it's eaten alive is too much to bear. I may perhaps be persuaded to drop an aphid in its leafy jaw traps, but even then I can't be sure. I may take the scientific approach and leave its dinner to chance. A bug is certain to walk into its mouth sooner or later.


Anonymous said...

Re: vid - eh-eh, you think we schuped, nah! We know exactly what you mean when you say you like pussy. Have a great time celebratin'.

Re: dragonfly - that's why they tell you NOT to feed it that (you'll give her indigestion). Follow instructions for fruit fly.

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sooter`s Slave said...

Have you tickled Lumley`s inner hairs to see what happens ? It will really tease and frustrate your new plaything.

Rainwater is a must. keep lumley`s mossy base damp. No direct sun. Like the idea of banana skin to attract bugs but suspect `Mother` wouldn`t agree to that.

Sooter will send a birthday greeting 2moro by video. We`re off to the Mind Body & Spirit Festival - will bring back a goody back 4u, Dearest.

Frances Lynn said...

Very Little Shop Of Horrors. Hope you survive your birthday. Slurp slurp!

Madame Arcati said...

It would be wrong to tickle Lumley's hairs. The mouth shuts and doesn't open again so it could starve. I feel she tells me these things already.

Have a great day at the Festival.

Queer UK said...

Hello Madame Arcati,

We at QueerUK would like to wish you a happy birthday today!

Madame Arcati said...

Why thank uu Queer UK. I appear to have quite a following among your congregation. xx

veritas said...

You share a birthday with Franz Mesmer. Do practice some of his arts ?..hypnotherapy, hypnosis
self-hypnosis , astrology ?

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Veritas abd others for your good wishes and private messages. x

gb said...

Belated Happy Birthday Madame :-)


Fish ! said...

my word , you`ve certainly done your research into venus fly traps , haven`t you , MA ! Perhaps that`s why my plant died on me ?

Madame Arcati said...

Lumley is quite ravenous. She's just snapped up a woodlouse yet last night unaccountably allowed a tiny moth is to fly off.

Anonymous said...

Do you expect a pet of yours to be anything but ravenous? If you decided to have a pet rock, it would probably be made out of Uranium.

Deck Cat said...

I would suggest you DONT store your uranium rock in `mother`s` Tupperware