Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Duncan Fallowell: Footballers must strip off their Lycra!


Dear Madame Arcati

I don't want to overplay my welcome on your website but I wonder if, on a quiet day, you might find a space to air this issue - which has been provoked by your recent rugby posts. It's this: I think the time has come to ban the hideous long Lycra underwear increasingly worn by footballers underneath their shorts. These items of dress come way below the level of the shorts and look disgusting. They are fine in athletics where they originated (with Linford Christie) and look appropriate, but if 'the beautiful game' wishes to adopt them I think managers must insist that football shorts are NOT also worn over the top. Since this ugly practice is now spreading from football to rugby, it is time to call a halt and stop the rot.

With best wishes, Duncan Fallowell

Dear Duncan

You are always welcome. I must say that but for your observation I would not have noticed these Lycra corsets that footballers have taken to wearing - perhaps because I very rarely watch the game. I assume they're worn to avoid damage. But I also suspect shyness lies behind this fashion development. Certain types of person have taken to posting "boner" videos on YouTube for aficionados of sporty bouncing bulges: I can well imagine that subjects of this craze - started by the "lunchbox"-obsessed Kelvin MacKenzie when he edited the Sun - despair at the trivialisation of their sporting prowess and, inspired by the Victorian tablecloth, have donned Lycra for its disguising effect. Lycra does at least avoid embarrassments such as this.... MA x

11 comments:

Mr Purrrr Fume. said...

I love the smell of worn lycra in the morning.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Duncan Fallowell. These thins look awful on the football field. Typical of the growing tackiness of modern football.

Anonymous said...

Anyway the actual kit shorts are much longer than they used to be. Football shorts were much skimpier in the seventies and eighties (I'm sure you can find some interesting pictures to illustrate!). This tatty look isn't necessary. I think it's part of the New Prudenry.

Anonymous said...

I mean New Prudery - you see how worked up I am, I can't hit the keys straight.

Anonymous said...

Our flight to Vancouver has been delayed - so I want to add that my friend, who was asleep on a sofa in the air lounge, says he agrees with me, that these hideous lycra pants are bringing British foot ball into disrepute.

Madame Arcati said...

Pass the word onto Vancouver.

Dave said...

Those team photos in the Seventies, with the front row squatting down, were part of my sexual awakening.

Cabin Crew said...

We agree with all of the above except the first comment.

Anonymous said...

Damage? shyness? whatever happen to wearing jockstraps? (yummy) It is just a spillover from those hideous pants men have been wearing now forever (hip-hop and what's-it-called? chav styles); that, added to the shaved heads and I-don't-know what-time-to call-it-anymore shadow beards have me sick - they all look like prison mates. When is that fad going to go away???

Anonymous said...

I believe many of us had our first stirrings of a new and secret excitement in the football showers after a game and certainly when whatever shorts worn then,were peeled of. I got to know my coach a whole lot better.

But I believe Anon is correct and it's part of the new bizarre but typical English prudish thinking where chunky rugger boy's thighs must be covered up but underage teen sex tales are front page news.

All football clubs are missing out on extra cash here-the sale of used jock straps etc would boost the coffers, but these lycra things must go-they look hideous and they're probaby made on the cheap in China...not even supporting British industry ! A fashion expert should be consulted.

I've come over all faint just thinking of this.

Anonymous said...

Lycra wearing footballers are smelly twerps. Run free and get the air to yourselves, you stupid prats