Friday, May 01, 2009

Calling all wankers: Join the Masturbate-a-thon!

A bit late I know, but there's still time to enter the Masturbate-a-thon at the The Center for Sex & Culture, 1519 Mission St, San Francisco (Between S. Van Ness & 11th) . It takes place on May 2, click here for more details.

The Center is still "seeking Featured Masturbators this year (who can be pledged ahead of time and followed on the webcast), and we will have Voyeur Seating available as well as Private Public Space (where people can masturbate who do not wish to be seen on the webcast). "

You don't actually have to be there - you can hook up through your webcam once you've signed the pledge form and then pluck your strings. Aspiring champions may want to target a few world records. "The winner of 'Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male' (and also the World Record Holder in this category) is Mr Masanobu Sato - representing the Tenga company, and visiting from Tokyo, Japan. (We believe Mr. Sato will be back on May 2, 2009 to defend his record. Mr. Sato masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes)."

It adds: "The winner of 'Most Orgasms/Male' is Michael Hariprem - at 31 climaxes! This is a world record. The winner of 'Most Orgasms/Female' is our voluptuous Featured Masturbator, Lady Monster, who came 20 times!" Other stats available.

No, Madame Arcati is not taking part(s).

Or, just listen to this (one click), thinking of all that universe that's missing.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

This Lady Monster, how do they know that she actually came that many times and she is not just a really good “actress”; is there an orgasmometer I haven’t heard of? Ok, maybe that is not the right name for it; is there an cumcounter I haven’t heard of? I suppose and orgasmometer would measure the intensity with which you come… sort of like a blood pressure devise (Where do you stick it though?)..

Oy, MA darling, all this online porn turns me off so. It‘s so not-sensual; as boring as watching farm animals pair up for making more farm animals. Booooring, everyone is so aware of the camera that there is no trill to it whatsoever… you can tell the people involved are not even into each other at all (even when their supposedly partners), just showing off to the lens (kind of saying to the camera: see, you loser? This is how we who get laid do it ). Whatever!

Ooooh, hysterical! my verification words is Germs! LOL

Anonymous said...

Arrgh! this typing of mine drives me nuts! I meant thrill… I really ought to check my vision; I can’t spell proof anymore.

Heather Mills said...

How tasteless.

Mr Moore said...

I notice you claim on Twitter that the Big Bang is dead so I thought I'd comment on your wanker story, kind of apt. The BB idea is not dead at all, only that there are many anomalies ie what we know of the observable universe (a lot of it is "missing") doesn't all tie up with the hypothesis (such as galaxies hurtling away from us faster than expected). It just means the universe is as complex as we suspected and that scientists can look forward to paid employment for generations to come (the last word is not a pun on the masturbate-a-thon.)

Madame Arcati said...

All I know is that 96% of the universe is missing. That looks like carelessness.

Marlene Dietrich's Ghost said...

do you think they will need..I think in the business it's called..a "fluffer" ? In my day I was considered rather good at this. I shall be there, if only in spirit.

Anonymous said...

You might want to give a shout-out to Steph. She's posting to you at the wrong Twitter account.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

excuse me???
S~

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, Steph, "Big Sister" is watching you! ;-)))

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

I don't have a big sister,idiot..
s~