A bit late I know, but there's still time to enter the Masturbate-a-thon at the The Center for Sex & Culture, 1519 Mission St, San Francisco (Between S. Van Ness & 11th) . It takes place on May 2, click here for more details.
The Center is still "seeking Featured Masturbators this year (who can be pledged ahead of time and followed on the webcast), and we will have Voyeur Seating available as well as Private Public Space (where people can masturbate who do not wish to be seen on the webcast). "
You don't actually have to be there - you can hook up through your webcam once you've signed the pledge form and then pluck your strings. Aspiring champions may want to target a few world records. "The winner of 'Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male' (and also the World Record Holder in this category) is Mr Masanobu Sato - representing the Tenga company, and visiting from Tokyo, Japan. (We believe Mr. Sato will be back on May 2, 2009 to defend his record. Mr. Sato masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes)."
It adds: "The winner of 'Most Orgasms/Male' is Michael Hariprem - at 31 climaxes! This is a world record. The winner of 'Most Orgasms/Female' is our voluptuous Featured Masturbator, Lady Monster, who came 20 times!" Other stats available.
No, Madame Arcati is not taking part(s).
Or, just listen to this (one click), thinking of all that universe that's missing.