Saturday, April 03, 2010

Matt Smith and Doctor Who: Dildo head is inspired


How narrow is the new Doctor Who body type.

A perfect childbirth-friendly oblong makes up Matt Smith's head: no wonder his mum adores the poppet. She wouldn't have needed an epidural with a dildo bonce like that sliding out between her legs. And but for a sliver of nose bridge, he'd be cycloptic, or Prince Charles. The big hair forms a steeple that falls in compressive well cut waves, rendering a rubbery face trapped between exotic lift doors. The Tardis' interior has expanded into a 70s basement nightclub with railed galleries and dayglo mezzanine, drawing attention to the lack of horizontal space the new Who incarnation takes up.

In other words, Matt Smith is an inspired choice.

In addition he delivers us from the panto theatrics of his predecessor David Tennant, also narrow but not this narrow. Tennant is so peculiarly tall that his height compensated for lack of screen spread.

Smith's physical singularity complements a precocious gravitas. The good doctors are always old - in spirit if not body - and Smith pulls off the trick of fresh agedness: a 16 year-old going on 26 going on 906 with no sticky wet dream interlude. An oddity, then, but not an alienating freak: voice modulation speaks educated but celibate cock-cuntedness, as in the better cartoons about male loners (eg Bugs Bunny).

Madame Arcati is most enchanted. The last decent Doctor was of course Tom Baker. The ones in between were unfortunate errors.

16 comments:

Kevin Rheumy said...

He looks like a bourgeois Home Counties teenager who deserves to be slapped.

Michael Allen said...

Ah yes, but... The writer/director/casting person did him no favours in the first ten minutes, when the little girl who shared the screen with him just blew him away. Perhaps the Beeb realised this, a bit late, because the official Dr Who site doesn't mention her or show her pic. Or if they do, it's well hid. I gave up looking and went elsewhere. Seems the young actress is called Caitlin Blackwood and she's nine (courtesy The Stage). Wasn't there something about children and animals?

Madame Arcati said...

You say, Michael, that the good doctor was blown away. This is most troubling, a cause for concern. He's not a Roman Catholic by any chance?

Oh Happy Easter one and all. xx

Anonymous said...

What is this crap?

Mrs Heil said...

On the meow again honeybunch?

SB said...

You've made my Easter you fat cocked rascal. xx

Peter Purves said...

Where the hell was K-9??

Madame Arcati said...

In Scrapheap Challenge.

John Noakes said...

Madame, you're heartless!

The late Rosemary Clooney said...

Rex Reed heart your heart out!

Jonathan King said...

Funnily enough he strangely reminded me of Patrick Troughton - or am I just getting old? Though he was good (I hated Tennant) but the script/plot not in Russell T's class (but then I think he's a genius). Moffat needs to up his game. Happy Easter too.

Madame Arcati said...

I sooo agree Jonathan. The story was awful, with that cycloptic chandelier hovering about, which is why I didn't mention it. You can't beat the Daleks. Or perhaps the Borg Queen could make a guest appearance. I love the Borg Queen.

Anonymous said...

I saw the behind-the-scenes show and thought it was very self-congratulory, with cast and crew full of themselves.

The late Rosemary Clooney said...

Drunk again! I meant: 'Rex Reed, EAT your heart out.'

Anonymous said...

2 posts in a week! pull yer finger out, girl

Madame Arcati said...

Kwalitay not quantertay.