Friday, May 28, 2010

Quentin Letts: 'We can always post him a free sandwich next time'


Quentin Letts

During the recent general election campaign, the Daily Mail's Quentin Letts - a cock-cunting noroviral words-spewer - attended a Lib Dem rally in Streatham, South London. It was an 'oatmealy', middleclass, multi-cultural affair with a gospel choir and 'soapy men... boogieing to the Afro beat' - in other words, perfect fodder for Letts' brand of Full English Breakfast fat-spit.

I'm certain that if you pulled his leg, Land of Hope and Glory would sing out from his arse.

At some point, the chortle factory met a 'dark-haired woman called Jemima' who smelt 'faintly of cigarettes.' He wrote: '[She] imperiously asked me if I worked for Lib Dem HQ. When I said no, she attacked me for writing for a "racist" newspaper. I assured her that the Daily Mail was nothing of the sort. She proceeded to give me a lecture in favour of mass immigration....'

As it happens, Jemima has got in touch with Madame Arcati. She doesn't dispute the little that he wrote about their encounter, but has some interesting, humane observations to make about Letts - none of which would see the light of day in the Mail, of course. Since he introduced her to the public, and tried to skew our perception of her opinion, it's only right she is given space to respond.

'The situation was macabre and funny,' she tells me. 'Letts' fear of immigrant populations and cultures was beautifully set off by the Streatham community hall and gospel music. I did suggest the Mail was a racist paper, and though I intended to provoke what I thought would be a well-worn defence, he was in fact wildly surprised to find that anyone might think so.

'He said he believes that immigration currently threatens British culture. I said I thought perhaps his idea of "British culture" was that of only a small minority of the country, and asked him for an example of some aspect of this that he felt was under threat. He cited the Book of Common Prayer, which he said he had "fought for" extensively.

'In what way, I wondered, was immigration threatening that? Were Catholic Polish migrants bringing with them some kind of High Church assault of bells and smells on the Anglican prayer book? Was gospel singing an inherent attack on the heart of the Anglican faith, or does it just make Quentin Letts a little twitchy?

'His description of the whole event in the article reflects a similarly personal take. So personal in fact, as to sound like the voice of a man that never speaks to a soul outside the four walls he has carefully built around himself, equipped with new fortifications to protect his personal world view against the various assaults of the modern age (including, but not exclusively, liberalism, open mindedness, coalition, multiculturalism, science, the GMC, and Catholicism).

'The rally seemed strangely chaotic to Letts (enthusiastic young party, the LDs) who was surprised to see uneaten sandwiches (free food being the main attraction to hacks like Letts at such events); and the gospel choir was in his view so alien as to be necessarily ridiculous before they had even opened their mouths to sing.

'The guy is petrified of what he can't understand; quite human really, but he becomes offensive when his extremely narrow view is projected onto the wider British public, as in his column at the Mail. He should just stay at home next time, we can always post him a free sandwich. After all, Britain will evolve with or without him.'

To read Letts' piece click here.

24 comments:

Judge Jeffries said...

Just to look at Letts's smug chops makes me back the return of capital punishment.

Green Goddess said...

nasty racist smug war-mongering little twitchy man.
JK is so glamorous. I do hope it was her. But does she smoke? That is not so glam.

Madame Arcati said...

I thought it a bit pc of Quent to mention the smoking. Perhaps he's a closet lifestyle queen after all.

Anonymous said...

Mr L makes much more money than you, bitch.

Anonymous said...

Is jemima a pseudonym? i think we shd be told.

John Steed said...

Perhaps he meant "herbal" ciggies? A la Skunk? As for darkies, I commanded foreign troops at the Battle of Lumleys Ridge in '44, top chaps all of 'em. You castigate the Daily Mail, the paper that has its most cogent comment from Fred Bassett!

Madame Arcati said...

You really must watch your language Mr Steed. Daily Mail is not to be used in front of law-abiding family readers.

Louis Barfe said...

Is financial remuneration really the only measure of journalistic success, Anonymous? I wouldn't want to be Letts for all the shekels in Derry Street.

Lettsbehavinyou said...

I've sent to Quentin Letts. He'll close you down.

Louis Barfe said...

He won't close anything down. He'll just huff and puff about it, possibly writing 800 words of utter cobblers that he mistakenly believes to be a wry, sideways look at it all. In summary, meh. Meanwhile, thanks for the reminder. I really do have my own work to do. Not as well paid as his, but at least it'll be accurate.

Madame Arcati said...

More probably, Quent will happen upon this on a self-Google, steel himself for some earned abuse and then feel a touch of relief that Jemima has been quite gentle on him. He will then conclude that ignoring all this is the best policy - because who reads blogs? - before embarking on another 800 words of laughter-is-the-best-meds from the ancient Dacre template.

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Letts fan said...

Quentin Letts' piece on Streatham made me laugh. You could take lessons from him on being funny, you shrew-faced harpie.

Anonymous said...

What exactly is a cock-cunting noroviral words-spewer?

Louis Barfe said...

"What exactly is a cock-cunting noroviral words-spewer?" I just looked it up in my Trent Polytechnic Illustrated Dictionary. The definition was a full-page picture of Quentin.

M de Begbie said...

Shall I get the fragrant Mr Ron Broxted to fuck him over good style?

Madame Arcati said...

I don't think we should expose Quent to anything outside his comfort zone.

Anonymous said...

You appear to be heterophobic. I suggest you see a therapist, as I first advised 4 years ago.

Perlease said...

petrified BY

Madame Arcati said...

Doesn't Quent write "puh-leese"? Oh I dunno.

Anonymous said...

By Lett's account it sounded like a bloody good party.Although I don't really know what "Soapy men" are. I think the first comment was right-from a Mr Hood of Londinium who said
" The sooner this twerp is kicked off his perch the better." I think he meant Letts.

Blithe Spirit said...

Noroviral words-spewer alright, MA darling; how peculiar it is that he talks about almost barfing over other people’s words. I disagree on your cock-cunting remark, though; he comes through more of a wanker trying too hard to appear above others’ enthusiasm for causes (hey! regardless of the cause – everyone is entitled to their views so long they are not trespassing their neighbors' rights) and throwing punches at everyone in attendance, not just Ms. Jemima. What a bore, not funny!

I too want to know what does he mean by soapy men.

I apologize for failing to wish you happy BD last week, baby. Lately, I've been consumed with other matters.
Luv U,
ox

Madame Arcati said...

There we have it. A non-Brit, with no axe to grind, thinks Quent a wanker. I refrain from further comment. x

Blithe Spirit said...

Oops. I meant come across. x