Randy Fowler: I don't exist to my bro Kevin Spacey

Randall (“Randy”) Fowler is the older brother of Hollywood star Kevin Spacey. Back in 2004, Randy told a British newspaper that as a child he was regularly raped by their father, Thomas, but that Spacey was spared. He also revealed that their father was obsessed with pornography, was anti-Semitic and a member of the American Nazi Party: no wonder Spacey took his mother’s maiden name in adulthood.

Asked about Spacey’s sexuality, Randy repeated his brother’s words to him: "I don't consider myself heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual - just sexual."

Randy lives in Boise, Idaho, with his wife Trish. He agreed to do an email interview with me. I was interested to know where he was with his memoirs, about his life and thoughts today and about his relationship with Spacey – who still refuses to talk to him.

How are you today (please include any health ailments, emotional condition) as you write?

I have no health ailments and my emotional condition is very different from when I was growing up and most of my adult life, until I finally had the courage to have my biography written. Then everything changed in me and in my thought process - when I commissioned Jack Ewing to write my life story. I was not interested in painting myself out to be some prince charming. I wanted to tell the awful and painful truth about child abuse and how it spun my life on a path of complete emotional chaos and a life filled mostly with regrets about the choices I had made.

However, something miraculous happened to me while I was constructing the digital picture timeline of the book, which contained over 25,000 photos, documents and memorabilia. The patterns of my life started to emerge before my eyes. It was very painful to see all the bad decisions I made during my life. While narrating the contents of the story to tape for the writer, it was the hardest thing I ever did. Articulating my thoughts and truth was like regurgitating a poison from my mind and soul, which completely changed me.

I don’t recommend this form of therapy to victims of child abuse. It takes too many years to sort out. I recommend telling someone you can trust, immediately. Don’t let these “creatures” continue their sick lifestyle, [preying] on innocent children, who want nothing but to be loved.

Describe Boise briefly – would you want to live elsewhere? Does it have scenery? - what can you see from your windows?

Boise is known as “the city of trees”. It’s very beautiful, and we are surrounded by mountains, and the climate is quite mild compared to other places I’ve lived.

I haven’t considered living anywhere else. Boise is my home and I love the people here. We live in a condominium near the Boise River, with access to the Boise Green Belt walking path.

The world knows you as Kevin Spacey’s brother. Do you realize you’re famous – do you get fan mail?

Famous is a not a word I’d use. I have no ego attached to who I am or what I may represent to other people. When I wake up each morning and look in the mirror, I always laugh at myself. The people in Idaho treat me like a movie star, but I don’t treat them as if I’m a movie star. I always give everyone I meet the time and love I would want when I meet someone for the first time. I’m just a regular guy, I work, pay my bills, just like everybody else.

As far as everyone knowing me as Kevin Spacey’s brother, I never really tell people that. They hear it or already know it. I’ve never tried to ride on my brother’s coat-tails. I’m my own person. Now you ask, if that’s true: "Why is your brother’s photo on [the cover of] your book, and you have a website called www.spaceysbrother.com?" Good question, here’s my answer.

I had this book written for my own healing purposes and as a help book for other sexually abused people. There is healing, hope, redemption and resolution to this terrible crime perpetrated [on] our kids.

In this media crazy world, who’s going to read a book about child abuse without a “hook”? I can’t help who my brother is. He’s very fortunate that he didn’t have to go through what I did as a child growing up. If he had, he may not have turned out to be the great actor and movie star he is today.

You can’t run from the past and where you came from forever. In the end it will literally eat you up from the inside out, and leave you completely empty inside with no feelings toward the people that should matter: family, friends and relationships.

As far as “fan mail”, I do receive a number of e-mails each day from visitors to the website, and I answer each and every one. I am a very accessible person.

You’ve written a book (Spacey’s Brother: Out of the Closet) about your life and Kevin? Will it be published or self-published?

This book is not about Kevin. He’s a very minor character in the book, just like in my real life. There are around a thousand personal and family photos throughout the book to support the narrative. This book deals with the after-effects of child abuse and the dangers of living in silence. We are currently shopping for a publisher. I would love to have a publisher from the United Kingdom.

You told the Mail on Sunday quite a lot about your father who sexually abused you. Does this still haunt you or has the memory receded?

What I told the Mail on Sunday was just the tip of the iceberg of my painful childhood. Only those who have been sexually abused can truly know the full impact of this crime. How can someone who supposedly loves you do this to a young child? These child molesters live in their own little world with no regard [to] or regret about what they do to children. They are incurable and need to be locked up and tagged like an animal. Children that are abused are scared on many levels. They make decisions based on feelings not facts, which will inevitably get them into trouble with the choices they make.

Many abused people deal with it by not dealing with it at all. They bury their feelings deep within their subconscious mind and hope they will just forget about it. This is a very dangerous path to take and it will come back to haunt them eventually.

I was one of the lucky ones, because I embraced what happened to me and spent the greater part of my life searching for the answers to this horrible puzzle that haunted my emotional state of mind. I could have ended up a criminal, alcoholic, or even worse, dead.

After thirty-five years of searching for the truth, I am finally at peace with myself and who I have become today. The Randy of my youth doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s just a distant memory of someone else dead and gone. I have no regrets or bitterness toward my parents or family.

What disappoints me the most is not having a relationship with my brother and sister, no matter how hard I’ve tried to reach out to them throughout the years. They want nothing to do with me. In their solar system I don’t even exist!

Some media have been rude about you ... what's your response to this?

I knew from the beginning, having this book written, the media was going to manipulate the truth, print partial quotes and outright lies about me. The media’s only concern is to sell tabloids. I guess they feel printing the truth isn’t what’s important. Don’t they realize that the truth is far more interesting than fiction?

For example, I had the news media hiding out in the bushes where I live, taking photos of me. A week later they would show up in tabloids with a full-page article. They made it appear that I invited them into my home for an interview. I’ve had to grow a tough layer of skin when it comes to dealing with the media. In the end the whole truth will come out about this book.

Has Kevin ever got in touch with you about the book?

No, the only time he has called me in the last twenty-six years is if someone dies in our family. He never calls just to say hi to his brother.

Did you receive a Christmas card this year from him? Did you send him
one?

I’ve sent him a Christmas card and birthday card every year for the last twenty-seven years. I’ve never got a card in return from him ever. The Christmas card I sent to him this year was returned to me. On the envelope was written: “Return to sender, person not known at this address” and was handwritten. There was also a white label pasted over his name. This is something I’ve never seen a post office do. Maybe things are done differently in the UK.

What’s your principal job? In pictures you look like you’d make a great entertainer.

I was a professional drummer for over thirty years and played in forty-one states and two countries. I retired when I decided to have my biography written. I’m now a full-time limousine chauffeur in Boise Idaho. I work for “Boise Limousine Service”. I’m the most flamboyant chauffeur in town. With my Rod Stewart looks and flashy clothes I get many clients who request me to drive them for their special occasion. I’m very fortunate to be so popular in town. I love my job even more than drumming. I always get to meet new and interesting people.

Do you believe in God, intelligent design, nothing? Creationism is making a comeback in the States ….

Oh no, the “God” Question! No matter how I answer it, either half the people will agree or disagree with me, and the other half will be offended. I guess all I can say is I’m currently not playing church. it seems to be a place where people come to compare wardrobes in multi-million dollar buildings. I think if Christ came back today he would be very disappointed with his flock. We have forgotten the essence of what he was trying to say. Love and take care of each other.

Have you ever visited London?

Yes, our family visited London once in December of 1973 for two weeks, regardless of what you’ve read in the media. I would love to visit London again. I have a very good friend who lives in Exeter, Devon.

Tell us something about Kevin the world doesn’t know.

I know plenty of things about Kevin Spacey the world doesn’t know. I didn’t do this interview to upset him in anyway, or have him never want to contact me! My only hope is that a London publisher will find me to be just as interesting as my brother and a bit more revealing about my personal life and my past.

I will continue to reach out to him as long as I live. It doesn’t really matter what we do during the day, what’s important at the end of the day is our relationship with family.

What’s your view of him as an actor? Do you see his movies?

He’s one of our generation's most accomplished actors. Kevin received two Academy Awards at such a young age. Only one word comes to mind to describe his acting ability, “brilliant”.

I’m so very proud of him and what he has done as an actor. I’ve seen everything he has ever done at least once out of respect to him. I also have his complete TV and movie collection on tape, plus thousands of photos and memorabilia of him over the last twenty-seven years.

Have you ever thought to act?

Yes I have. Do you know anybody that would hire me? Call me, we’ll do lunch. I’m always up for new challenges in my life. I’ve always been a risk-taker.

One of my friends once told me, “The best actor in your family is still
up for grabs”.

Whom do love most in the world?

That’s easy, “Trish my Dish“, my wife of thirteen years. I’m just as much in love with her as the day we met. She’s helped save me from a life of repeating the same mistakes I made with my first three wives. Yes, three wives in ten years while I was pursuing my obsession with drumming.

There once was a time when things were so very hard for us, especially watching my brother’s rise to fame. We struggled just to eat. But I’ve looked at myself and my brother in a whole new perspective since my biography was finished. Doing this book was a cleansing process for my soul.

Have you ever had your future foretold?

No I haven’t, what would be the point? To have someone else dictate my future seems like a cowardly thing to do. I’ll make my own future with good decisions based on facts.

Do you have a recurring image of your childhood?

Of course I do, I haven’t had a lobotomy! My recurring image is not of me, but of all the other children that are being sexual abused in the world. This is why I had this book written. When it finally gets published I plan to travel around the country and speak to middle school kids about child abuse. Kids like me and seem to listen to me, because I don’t look or act like their parents.

Abused children hide their pain and feelings quite well, and are not easily
persuaded to trust someone with their terrible secret. They are frightened of what might happen to them if someone finds out what’s going on in their lives. They live with their “secret pain” as it begins to destroy their very soul. Their lives begin to take a path of dangerous consequences.

My advice to an [abused] child is to tell someone. Fink, tattle, rat, scream and
shout at the top of your voice until someone notices you. The consequences of doing nothing allows the perpetrator to continue his abuse, and go unpunished.

I wish I had done this thirty-six years ago. My life could have turned out differently. I was scared and didn’t know I had any options. There was no one to talk to or trust.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

I had my usually breakfast, a cup of coffee with a Baily’s back. ..“Well, there it is“...

Visit Randy's site via this LINK - it features a sample chapter from his memoirs.