Monday, October 30, 2017

Randy Fowler: I don't exist to my bro Kevin Spacey

Randall (“Randy”) Fowler is the older brother of Hollywood star Kevin Spacey. Back in 2004, Randy told a British newspaper that as a child he was regularly raped by their father, Thomas, but that Spacey was spared. He also revealed that their father was obsessed with pornography, was anti-Semitic and a member of the American Nazi Party: no wonder Spacey took his mother’s maiden name in adulthood.

Asked about Spacey’s sexuality, Randy repeated his brother’s words to him: "I don't consider myself heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual - just sexual."

Randy lives in Boise, Idaho, with his wife Trish. He agreed to do an email interview with me. I was interested to know where he was with his memoirs, about his life and thoughts today and about his relationship with Spacey – who still refuses to talk to him.

How are you today (please include any health ailments, emotional condition) as you write?

I have no health ailments and my emotional condition is very different from when I was growing up and most of my adult life, until I finally had the courage to have my biography written. Then everything changed in me and in my thought process - when I commissioned Jack Ewing to write my life story. I was not interested in painting myself out to be some prince charming. I wanted to tell the awful and painful truth about child abuse and how it spun my life on a path of complete emotional chaos and a life filled mostly with regrets about the choices I had made.

However, something miraculous happened to me while I was constructing the digital picture timeline of the book, which contained over 25,000 photos, documents and memorabilia. The patterns of my life started to emerge before my eyes. It was very painful to see all the bad decisions I made during my life. While narrating the contents of the story to tape for the writer, it was the hardest thing I ever did. Articulating my thoughts and truth was like regurgitating a poison from my mind and soul, which completely changed me.

I don’t recommend this form of therapy to victims of child abuse. It takes too many years to sort out. I recommend telling someone you can trust, immediately. Don’t let these “creatures” continue their sick lifestyle, [preying] on innocent children, who want nothing but to be loved.

Describe Boise briefly – would you want to live elsewhere? Does it have scenery? - what can you see from your windows?

Boise is known as “the city of trees”. It’s very beautiful, and we are surrounded by mountains, and the climate is quite mild compared to other places I’ve lived.

I haven’t considered living anywhere else. Boise is my home and I love the people here. We live in a condominium near the Boise River, with access to the Boise Green Belt walking path.

The world knows you as Kevin Spacey’s brother. Do you realize you’re famous – do you get fan mail?

Famous is a not a word I’d use. I have no ego attached to who I am or what I may represent to other people. When I wake up each morning and look in the mirror, I always laugh at myself. The people in Idaho treat me like a movie star, but I don’t treat them as if I’m a movie star. I always give everyone I meet the time and love I would want when I meet someone for the first time. I’m just a regular guy, I work, pay my bills, just like everybody else.

As far as everyone knowing me as Kevin Spacey’s brother, I never really tell people that. They hear it or already know it. I’ve never tried to ride on my brother’s coat-tails. I’m my own person. Now you ask, if that’s true: "Why is your brother’s photo on [the cover of] your book, and you have a website called www.spaceysbrother.com?" Good question, here’s my answer.

I had this book written for my own healing purposes and as a help book for other sexually abused people. There is healing, hope, redemption and resolution to this terrible crime perpetrated [on] our kids.

In this media crazy world, who’s going to read a book about child abuse without a “hook”? I can’t help who my brother is. He’s very fortunate that he didn’t have to go through what I did as a child growing up. If he had, he may not have turned out to be the great actor and movie star he is today.

You can’t run from the past and where you came from forever. In the end it will literally eat you up from the inside out, and leave you completely empty inside with no feelings toward the people that should matter: family, friends and relationships.

As far as “fan mail”, I do receive a number of e-mails each day from visitors to the website, and I answer each and every one. I am a very accessible person.

You’ve written a book (Spacey’s Brother: Out of the Closet) about your life and Kevin? Will it be published or self-published?

This book is not about Kevin. He’s a very minor character in the book, just like in my real life. There are around a thousand personal and family photos throughout the book to support the narrative. This book deals with the after-effects of child abuse and the dangers of living in silence. We are currently shopping for a publisher. I would love to have a publisher from the United Kingdom.

You told the Mail on Sunday quite a lot about your father who sexually abused you. Does this still haunt you or has the memory receded?

What I told the Mail on Sunday was just the tip of the iceberg of my painful childhood. Only those who have been sexually abused can truly know the full impact of this crime. How can someone who supposedly loves you do this to a young child? These child molesters live in their own little world with no regard [to] or regret about what they do to children. They are incurable and need to be locked up and tagged like an animal. Children that are abused are scared on many levels. They make decisions based on feelings not facts, which will inevitably get them into trouble with the choices they make.

Many abused people deal with it by not dealing with it at all. They bury their feelings deep within their subconscious mind and hope they will just forget about it. This is a very dangerous path to take and it will come back to haunt them eventually.

I was one of the lucky ones, because I embraced what happened to me and spent the greater part of my life searching for the answers to this horrible puzzle that haunted my emotional state of mind. I could have ended up a criminal, alcoholic, or even worse, dead.

After thirty-five years of searching for the truth, I am finally at peace with myself and who I have become today. The Randy of my youth doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s just a distant memory of someone else dead and gone. I have no regrets or bitterness toward my parents or family.

What disappoints me the most is not having a relationship with my brother and sister, no matter how hard I’ve tried to reach out to them throughout the years. They want nothing to do with me. In their solar system I don’t even exist!

Some media have been rude about you ... what's your response to this?

I knew from the beginning, having this book written, the media was going to manipulate the truth, print partial quotes and outright lies about me. The media’s only concern is to sell tabloids. I guess they feel printing the truth isn’t what’s important. Don’t they realize that the truth is far more interesting than fiction?

For example, I had the news media hiding out in the bushes where I live, taking photos of me. A week later they would show up in tabloids with a full-page article. They made it appear that I invited them into my home for an interview. I’ve had to grow a tough layer of skin when it comes to dealing with the media. In the end the whole truth will come out about this book.

Has Kevin ever got in touch with you about the book?

No, the only time he has called me in the last twenty-six years is if someone dies in our family. He never calls just to say hi to his brother.

Did you receive a Christmas card this year from him? Did you send him
one?


I’ve sent him a Christmas card and birthday card every year for the last twenty-seven years. I’ve never got a card in return from him ever. The Christmas card I sent to him this year was returned to me. On the envelope was written: “Return to sender, person not known at this address” and was handwritten. There was also a white label pasted over his name. This is something I’ve never seen a post office do. Maybe things are done differently in the UK.

What’s your principal job? In pictures you look like you’d make a great entertainer.

I was a professional drummer for over thirty years and played in forty-one states and two countries. I retired when I decided to have my biography written. I’m now a full-time limousine chauffeur in Boise Idaho. I work for “Boise Limousine Service”. I’m the most flamboyant chauffeur in town. With my Rod Stewart looks and flashy clothes I get many clients who request me to drive them for their special occasion. I’m very fortunate to be so popular in town. I love my job even more than drumming. I always get to meet new and interesting people.

Do you believe in God, intelligent design, nothing? Creationism is making a comeback in the States ….

Oh no, the “God” Question! No matter how I answer it, either half the people will agree or disagree with me, and the other half will be offended. I guess all I can say is I’m currently not playing church. it seems to be a place where people come to compare wardrobes in multi-million dollar buildings. I think if Christ came back today he would be very disappointed with his flock. We have forgotten the essence of what he was trying to say. Love and take care of each other.

Have you ever visited London?

Yes, our family visited London once in December of 1973 for two weeks, regardless of what you’ve read in the media. I would love to visit London again. I have a very good friend who lives in Exeter, Devon.

Tell us something about Kevin the world doesn’t know.

I know plenty of things about Kevin Spacey the world doesn’t know. I didn’t do this interview to upset him in anyway, or have him never want to contact me! My only hope is that a London publisher will find me to be just as interesting as my brother and a bit more revealing about my personal life and my past.

I will continue to reach out to him as long as I live. It doesn’t really matter what we do during the day, what’s important at the end of the day is our relationship with family.

What’s your view of him as an actor? Do you see his movies?

He’s one of our generation's most accomplished actors. Kevin received two Academy Awards at such a young age. Only one word comes to mind to describe his acting ability, “brilliant”.

I’m so very proud of him and what he has done as an actor. I’ve seen everything he has ever done at least once out of respect to him. I also have his complete TV and movie collection on tape, plus thousands of photos and memorabilia of him over the last twenty-seven years.

Have you ever thought to act?

Yes I have. Do you know anybody that would hire me? Call me, we’ll do lunch. I’m always up for new challenges in my life. I’ve always been a risk-taker.

One of my friends once told me, “The best actor in your family is still
up for grabs”.

Whom do love most in the world?

That’s easy, “Trish my Dish“, my wife of thirteen years. I’m just as much in love with her as the day we met. She’s helped save me from a life of repeating the same mistakes I made with my first three wives. Yes, three wives in ten years while I was pursuing my obsession with drumming.

There once was a time when things were so very hard for us, especially watching my brother’s rise to fame. We struggled just to eat. But I’ve looked at myself and my brother in a whole new perspective since my biography was finished. Doing this book was a cleansing process for my soul.

Have you ever had your future foretold?

No I haven’t, what would be the point? To have someone else dictate my future seems like a cowardly thing to do. I’ll make my own future with good decisions based on facts.

Do you have a recurring image of your childhood?

Of course I do, I haven’t had a lobotomy! My recurring image is not of me, but of all the other children that are being sexual abused in the world. This is why I had this book written. When it finally gets published I plan to travel around the country and speak to middle school kids about child abuse. Kids like me and seem to listen to me, because I don’t look or act like their parents.

Abused children hide their pain and feelings quite well, and are not easily
persuaded to trust someone with their terrible secret. They are frightened of what might happen to them if someone finds out what’s going on in their lives. They live with their “secret pain” as it begins to destroy their very soul. Their lives begin to take a path of dangerous consequences.

My advice to an [abused] child is to tell someone. Fink, tattle, rat, scream and
shout at the top of your voice until someone notices you. The consequences of doing nothing allows the perpetrator to continue his abuse, and go unpunished.

I wish I had done this thirty-six years ago. My life could have turned out differently. I was scared and didn’t know I had any options. There was no one to talk to or trust.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

I had my usually breakfast, a cup of coffee with a Baily’s back. ..“Well, there it is“...

Visit Randy's site via this LINK - it features a sample chapter from his memoirs.

31 comments:

H.J. said...

As much as I sympathise with his childhood trauma, I still find it hard to look at the constant mention of his famous brother as anything but a scream for PR/attention that he wouldn't have got without mentioning him. And he wonders why Kevin won't talk to him after he told it all in a UK tabloid, of all things? Talking about the things he's spent his whole career not talking about? Hm, I do wonder...

Tandy said...

For years I've been trying to figure out what it is that Kevin Spacey and Bill Clinton have in common to make them such good friends. Now, thanks to this interview, I know what it is: talentless brothers trying to cash in on their success!

Patricia said...

I am a personal friend of Randy's and have been so for years. He is a very compassionate and caring man who's reason for writing his book is to keep this tragedy from happening to other children. As far as Kevin wanting no contact with Randy I've seen the deep hurt he has suffered each time a card or letter is returned to him that he sent to Kevin. Randy has had no contact from Kevin for twenty some years prior to writing his book.

Joey said...

Patricia said:
" He is a very compassionate and caring man who's reason for writing his book is to keep this tragedy from happening to other children."

Very noble--then why bring Kevin up EVERY time he is interviewed?

"As far as Kevin wanting no contact with Randy I've seen the deep hurt he has suffered each time a card or letter is returned to him that he sent to Kevin."

Then, he should STOP SENDING THEM!
You cannot make someone respond to you when they don't want to. He should respect Kevin's wishes in this regard.

"Randy has had no contact from Kevin for twenty some years prior to writing his book."

I can understand why if everytime Randy talks about Kevin he never has anything good to say. It seems as if every comment he makes is geared toward making the reader think, "Oh, poor Randy. That Kevin is a selfish bastard." You can't really blame Kevin for wanting nothing to do with him.

You sound like a compassionate and caring friend to Randy. It would be my suggestion that you attempt to convince him to leave his brother alone. It is obvious that Kevin values his privacy highly. Randy should respect that and remember that Kevin has rights too.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't 'Patricia' be another convenient mask for a certain miss Tamblin ? Just wondering ;-)

Robin Tamblyn said...

"Couldn't 'Patricia' be another convenient mask for a certain miss Tamblin ?"

No it's not me, though I agree with her sentiments. Kevin, you're missing out on so much by shutting this man out of your life...here's a poem I wrote about your brother some time ago for a syllabic poetry course I did at college. I was going to send it to him for his birthday, but I could never really revise it quite right...anyway, it's called "Capturing the Fowlers."

You've got the lost soul of your brother
The eyes of your dear Ma
The black name of your monster dad
The fame of my grandpa

I give you false hope of a phonecall
You don't say I'm unkind
I'd love to talk all day to you
You're seven hours behind

You never spell "Robin Tamblyn" wrong
You don't care Kevin's gay
How can you be so close to me
And yet so far away?

Like I say, still a work in progress, but the feeling is there...as a great man once said, "Can't we all just get along?"

Anonymous said...

Regarding Joey's comments, If Kevin wants nothing to do with his brother, why isn't he man enough or have the balls to call him and just tell him to f**k off? Does Randy deserve to get the cold shoulder from him all these years with no explanation? Randy's article said many kind things about his brother. Joey sounds like one of Kevin's PR people!

Anonymous said...

< You never spell "Robin Tamblyn" wrong >

Oh, my, this is for me :-) !

My apologies, I'll try not to do it again. In fact, I'm sure I won't. I'm leaving. Smells too nasty over here. Needless to add I'm 100% with the wise who say "never meddle with family affairs". Above all those of public persons who might have good lawyers and enough money to pay them. Bye.

Anonymous said...

"Can't we all just get along?"

Just ask Spacey whether he feels like getting along with his stalkers ! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, if it's good enough for Mr. Haslam...but then Spacey never had as much class. :@

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, let's rather talk about the stalkers' class, or more precisely about their profile...
But Doctor Zork already said everything that was to be said, much better than I ever would (see "Nicky Haslam & his luxury stalker Fish", dec 31 2006).

stephanie said...

.....some first hand insight from his(last)ex-wife...
First, Randy is a loving, giving man. His eccentricities are his emblem..he isn't perfect but he has come a long way in his painstaking journey..there is an omnificent, yet humble glow that surrounds him...That is who Randy is. Randy gives his all to anyone that he feels can benefit from his past ghosts..Having met Kevin, I can affirm that he feels superior in many ways to his sister and brother and he shields himself so well as a character actor.. I am an artist and I too can express myself in my paintings..This is what Kevin does...Randy was my muse when we were married. He is creative, patient and kind and yes, flamboyant.that is what I love about him..now if his brother can't express any feelings towards his blood brother than I believe it is because he immerses himself in his roles, so to avoid the truth..
We all have skeletons..It is where we take them, that defines who we are..I think it was brave of Randy to reveal what I myself was privy to for many years..I feel sad that Kevin is so cold ...I believe that Randy is equally if more talented than his brother...he is reaching out by writing this book to "victims" and hopefully preventing the unspeakable acts that were perpetuated on him..that is
Randy's true purpose. I am sure of this as sure as the veracity of Randy's painstaking chronicle...walk in someone else's shoes before judging them...I have...some first hand insight from his(last)ex-wife...
First, Randy is a loving, giving man. His eccentricities are his emblem..he isn't perfect but he has come a long way in his painstaking journey..there is an omnificent, yet humble glow that surrounds him...That is who Randy is. Randy gives his all to anyone that he feels can benefit from his past ghosts..Having met Kevin, I can affirm that he feels superior in many ways to his sister and brother and he shields himself so well as a character actor.. I am an artist and I too can express myself in my paintings..This is what Kevin does...Randy was my muse when we were married. He is creative, patient and kind and yes, flamboyant.that is what I love about him..now if his brother can't express any feelings towards his blood brother than I believe it is because he immerses himself in his roles, so to avoid the truth..
We all have skeletons..It is where we take them, that defines who we are..I think it was brave of Randy to reveal what I myself was privy to for many years..I feel sad that Kevin is so cold ...I believe that Randy is equally if more talented than his brother...he is reaching out by writing this book to "victims" and hopefully preventing the unspeakable acts that were perpetuated on him..that is
Randy's true purpose. I am sure of this as sure as the veracity of Randy's painstaking chronicle...walk in someone else's shoes before judging them...I have..

stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
stephanie said...

just to clarify, I was not trying to be redundant; computers have a mind of their own and it printed my statement twice..I assure you it was not intentional
steph

zork said...

Jesus Christ, who opened that Pandora's box ?!!! You shouldn't encourage this, Arcati. I read your beautiful theory about gossips. "That gossiping may cause hurt and embarrassment must not in anyway deflect the gossip or diarist from his or her task." Well, cynism is a self-gratyfing exercise, but this is an experience that should teach us we must draw a line somewhere. There's a moral responsibility for us cold and rational minds in playing with the sensibility and pain of people we don't know. And don't get me wrong : I'm not talking about Mr. Spacey (he's well-protected and definitely out of reach). I'm talking about the Tamblyn-Fowler weird association. There's no example of "stalker story" with a happy end – do you remember David Letterman's stalker fan ? It would really disturb me if I were in any way involved in such a tragedy.
If I were in your place, Arcati, I know what I'd do. You're the master of this blog after all.

zork said...

"But Doctor Zork already said everything that was to be said,"

Given how worrying the situation appears now, I'm not proud of it, believe me.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes Zork I understand what you mean. I learned from experience that the net can be a lethal weapon in some circumstances...

Arcati said...

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you for your generous letter and I apologise for the some of the mean-spirited comments herein. Your letter is so interesting that I have posted it separately so that many more people may see it.

Please feel free to contact me privately if you'd like to tell me more about your paintings or anything else.

Madamearcati69@aol.com

Arcati said...

Dear (Dr?) Zork

Robin Tamblyn is not a stalker - if he were then he'd have an uncontrolled desire to lay siege on Spacey, requiring the attention of the police and courts. Robin does have an absorbing interest in Spacey and I'm certain that if the actor told Robin to go away he would. This interest has proved to be creative for Robin as I have discussed elsewhere. Read the fiction, stop speculating.

There is no Tamblyn-Fowler "weird association", just a friendship at a distance. Robin had thought to write a book about Spacey and so it's entirely natural that he would have got in touch with Spacey's brother.

A last thought: it is my belief that Spacey revels in this kind of attention for it adds to a hard worked-on mystique. He knows that in not acknowledging an interest or emotion, in not actively trying to stamp it out, he implicitly encourages it for the consequent benefit to the ego. Spacey elects to occupy the centre of a maelstrom of fascination and disappointment while affecting total indifference.

zork said...

You're playing a very wicked and dangerous game, Arcati. You're delusional, stubborn and careless. Don't complain then if the film you're 'directing' comes to a sad ending (especially for that poor Tamblyn). As for me I don't want to have any part in it, even under anonymity. Unlike you, I still have a conscience.

That's all I've got to say.

Anonymous said...

Arcati said to Stephanie : "I apologise for the some of the mean-spirited comments herein."

HA! I love it! This Arcati is one of the most shameless spiteful bitches I've ever met on the web, and she's apologising about the others' "mean-spirited comments". It just cracks me up!

But the readers will judge.

lorenzo said...

Madame Arcati said :

> A last thought: it is my belief that Spacey revels in this kind of attention for it adds to a hard worked-on mystique. He knows that in not acknowledging an interest or emotion, in not actively trying to stamp it out, he implicitly encourages it for the consequent benefit to the ego. Spacey elects to occupy the centre of a maelstrom of fascination and disappointment while affecting total indifference.>

Lol! Are you serious? The actors usually have nothing to do with the bullsh*t mystique that surrounds them. It's all an invention of the press.
Tell us the truth, Madame Arcati : you're not a real journalist, are you ? Or if you are, well... sorry... you really need a psychiatrist :-). Because self-respecting journalists make up and peddle that sort of stuff (you know, the commercial jingles the editors think the readers are asking for – every public person has his own "standard profile" in the folders). They get paid for that. But they all know what it's worth and I never heard any of them claim they believe in it.
You can trust me: I'm in the trade.
I just think Mr Spacey wishes to protect his private life just as any other public person does. It's that simple. The rest is (bad) fiction.

Arcati said...

Lorenzo, try to get out more, or at least examine the material in front of your nose. How journalists like to imagine that they are the masters of mystique and that their subjects (eg actors, popstars) spin on the potter's wheel, cupped in scribbler hands.

I suspect you're either tabloid end of the market or slumming it en route to something dreamier. The reality is that performers such as Spacey are quite capable of shaping their own image with the complicity of hacks. The starting point is the organic personality of the subject, everything much else follows from that. Even bullshit - as you call it - must be rooted in a constant. Yes, Spacey wishes to protect his private life and good luck to him. BUT he also has the option to tell his blood brother and his admirer Robin Tamblyn to go away. He does not. He elects not to. He likes the pedestal. He tolerates the pigeon shit.

I suppose next you're going to tell me he's simply too good mannered to be blunt.

Anonymous said...

< BUT he also has the option to tell his blood brother and his admirer Robin Tamblyn to go away. >

Another option might be that he (or his agents) actually did, and nobody told you the truth, which I agree would be a shame. Go figure ;-)!

Lorenzo said...

> The reality is that performers such as Spacey are quite capable of shaping their own image with the complicity of hacks. >

The reality, my dear, is that the hacks in question have to obey their editor's orders rather than respect the PRs' or actors' wishes. Many of the latters (including Mr Spacey, I suppose) learn it every day to their cost.
In the jargon of the trade, that's called journalistic agenda. But you already know, of course :-).

Anonymous said...

"< BUT he also has the option to tell his blood brother and his admirer Robin Tamblyn to go away. >
Another option might be that he (or his agents) actually did"

I dunno about the 'blood brother', but regarding the 'bloody stalker' they did. Just read the script of KOH on her site (good luck to you) and link it to the mention of that mysterious Hollywood producer who once called her psychotic. 'Initials DB' would be a good bet, I guess.

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Anonymous said...

Nice as Kevin's brother supposedly is, isn't it possible that he did some rat-bastardly things himself to Kevin when they were younger? I have had nothing to do with my oldest brother for over 10 years because I'm not required to. There are some things that are unforgiveable. And just because this Randy claims he was abused, doesn't mean that it actually happened. Lots of people trying for media attention will latch onto a "personal tragedy" if it means they can make a buck off of it.
This whole interview makes him look delusional. It might be because he is.
As far as him being compassionate and caring, child molesters will also convince everyone apart from their victims that they are "great guys". Manipulators come in all shapes and sizes.
-Stacey E.

Anonymous said...

< Lots of people trying for media attention will latch onto a "personal tragedy" if it means they can make a buck off of it. >

Excellent point. That is the very reason why so many minor celebrities come out with some juicy child rape tale. The tune is so tired.

Anonymous said...

you look nothing like your brother, you got fired from the gas station of Stinker from a unpassed gas station. Drive your stupid limos, someday you might look the true self you are not some 60s faggot, stop talking about shit about a popular actor whose brother you have the same name with, you fucking schizo queer

Anonymous said...

I don't have any famous people in my family. But I was recently told by my therapist that I need to set severe limits(limits that help and heal) on relationships with people who are unable to give and receive love. Things will never change because they are resistant to love(abusive relationship). Sending and opening cards causes me to relive the emotional trauma of the relationship I have with them. They are in control of melting out suffering. I can only control myself. I didn't reject them. They rejected me. I've given up on the relationship and throw their cards unopened in the trash. Now I can surround myself with healthy people. I feel much better about myself and definitely 'freeee'. Living for the first time after 50+ years of carrying this emotional baggage.