Allison Pearson/Lobbett: Here comes the bride?

The new Private Eye applies its forensic mind to Allison Pearson's recent Mail response to Duchess Fergie's counter-attacks over the Princess Bea "fatso" saga. Mmm, interesting. No wonder the piece is titled "Porkies & Yorkies". Is there any particular point to the mag calling her "Allison Pearson (née Allison Lobbett)"? And a blog by Jonathan Calder (he also has a column in the New Statesman) recollects happy school days with one Allison Lobbett, her maiden name, click here. At a séance the other night I asked Vera - my guide in the next world: Will Allison ever marry (perhaps her partner Anthony Lane)? And Vera replied, cryptically: "But Allison knows already what it is to be married." What can she mean? Wikipedia, typically, fails to shed light on a Pearson "marriage". I can only assume that Vera is deluded. Or that "marriage" means something else in the spirit world. Truly Allison Pearson is the most intriguing of persons - Mata Hari-ish almost - which itself is unusual in a mere journalist.

Allison Pearson replies to The Ferg

The Mail’s highly-paid Glenda, Allison Pearson, has finally responded to Fergiana in today's paper. Alas, the poppet’s heart’s not really in it. “Thank goodness we no longer live in a world where the likes of me [y’know, a right commoner] has to defer to the likes of her,” she writes of the Ferg’s luncheon invitation. The matter of her rudeness about Princess Bea’s Prince Andrew-like proportion is swept under the polypropylene. Instead, she gives the Ferg a kicking over her recent TV show in which she stayed with a Hull family of toothless chavs with weight issues – is it acceptable, she asks, “for a former royal to be given a family of poor people to use as props in the drama of her own re-invention? Me neither.” I said nothing, chuck.

Her more interesting point is that until 11.26am yesterday she had not heard from Fergiana despite claims on TV and radio that Ferg’s PR had left a message on Allison’s answer service. However, she does reveal that last year the Duchess had summoned the hack to a meeting over something else – an invitation ignored. You have to be someone really hot (and useful?) to draw out grand Allison’s civility. Or perhaps her form of journalism is best practised entirely remotely.

I think she has missed a great opportunity. She could have recorded the encounter, employed her sharp observational skills to advantage – her big problem is that she’s too bright to be a Glenda, hence the mishaps of tone and taste - engaged in a blazing row over all the things she tries to warm up in her long-winded reply and written up a piece of Grand Guignol starring two rich power-persons neither of whom is very good at deferring to anyone but the personally useful.

Read Pearson

Fergiana - 'Allison Pearson's a coward!'

The Duchess Fergiana of the Kingdom of WeightWatcher has not once, not twice, but three times this morning savaged Allison Pearson over the Mail writer’s rude remarks about Princess Bea. “Does she want my daughter to be an anorexic?” asked the Ferg on GMTV.

Then on Lorraine Kelly’s show 10 minutes later she called Pearson a coward for failing to respond to her luncheon invitation (delivered via PR to phone message service). LK milked it well: “Maybe she’s feeling ashamed,” she ventured of Pearson, trying to be helpful. “Poor lady,” said Fergiana with sarcastic brevity.

On This Morning about half-an-hour later she attacked Pearson for “trying to sabotage a person’s confidence.” On this occasion Fern Britton put things in some context: “All newspapers employ female columnists to attack and ridicule people.” Female columnists like Lorraine Kelly on The Sun? Fern is quite formidable.

But anyway I’m surprised Pearson has not displayed savviness here – it’s not every day an ex-member of the royal family pleads to talk to a journo – think of the copy potential Allison! My own fantasy is The Ferg and Bea belly-flopping the hapless hackette in a public restaurant. My only fear is that the mother-daughter duo would bounce off Alison’s mattress-tum and out through a window pane, causing themselves and innocent bystanders damage. But it would make wonderful copy.

Allison Pearson: Please call Fergie now!

Allison Pearson! I'm talking to you! Last time you starred on this site it was over that non-marriage of yours - though perhaps you have tied the knot since. But you did then have the good grace to send me a note confirming your (non-) marital status - well, I assume it was you. Now you've called Princess Beatrice a fatso in your Mail column and incurred the flame-haired wrath of her mummy, Duchess Fergie, who says you haven't returned her phone messages and not even RSVP'd her yummy lunch invites to discuss your offence. This is graceless.

As I write, there are 102 pages-worth of comments on the Sky News site in response to this major developing story. Here's a sample:

"Anyone actually put the two pictures together? That of Allison Pearson and Princess Bea ? Whereas one is quite slim, sophisticated looking and attractive the other is not - easy choice but make your own mind up ... "

"Now I think of it, is the Daily Mail not the paper Keira Knightley sued because one of their editorials blamed her for being too thin and causing some teenager's anorexia?"

"Is it any wonder that so many girls battle eating disorders??? Beatrice is a beautiful NORMAL and HEALTHY girl and is put down for it, girls read that and think they have to look like Nicole Richie or the Olsen twins to be considered 'thin'. Those reporters should be ashamed of themselves."

Allison, stop hiding. See Fergie then write up the encounter as a play or something in the Mail. Oh, and here's your choochy face ...