Thursday, April 10, 2008

Roger Alton - the Indy here he comes

The appointment of the filthy-mouthed baldy, Roger Alton, to the editorship of the Independent makes perfect sense given his successful record at the Observer - he got the circulation up by turning the paper into a war-mongering, Blair/Campbell-felching, lifestyle package with the weekly pensées of Jasper Gerard (now the Telegraph's restaurant critic) comprising the premium editorial content. Astonishingly, virtually everyone I know adores Alton so plainly I'm in the minority here. In this spirit then I offer Alton free advice:

- Leave the Telegraph's restaurant critic well alone: he's doing a fine job writing about Lesbian Bisque

- Re-introduce proper front pages as opposed to the one-theme, notice-me antics of Simon Kelner

- Re-design the entire paper pronto: it's current layouts have all the allure and angularity of patio door grilles

- Put pics of pussy cats everywhere - our mioawy friends are everywhere in TV adland

- Make book ed Boyd Tonkin (aka Dank) review a Katie Price novel

- Keep John Walsh - he has a big family and other intimates to support

- Er, stop screaming fuck you cunt, you motherfucker asshole, etc

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

He'll be good for it. Less of that Dolphins and plastic bags rubbish, I hope.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame Henry VIII (Kelner - fat and ginger) is still going to be around....

Anonymous said...

Leave Dank alone

Anonymous said...

It's all academic in any case. The Irish billionaire Denis O'Brien is well on his way to getting a majority stake in Independent News & Media and when that happens he will push to sell off the newspapers because he regards them as loss makers and pointless. And who would buy the Indy - unless money could be made from its web operations? Enjoy it Roger while it lasts.

Anonymous said...

What do you mean John Walsh's "intimates"?

Anonymous said...

I thought you'd gone mellow for a while but I see you're the same old vindictive, frothing loon of old, pursuing your ridiculous vendettas, usually against the more decent editors. Your judgement is appalling.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't you be in Turkey now cunt?