Friday, June 04, 2010

Richard Desmond: This dark elemental should own The Sun

Isn't Richard Desmond adorable? I've always said so. Now the owner of the Express, Star and OK! says he wants to buy the Sun. He has £1bn to spare and would run the paper more economically than Murdoch does. Of this I have no doubt.

The thing about Desmond is that like the alien in, er, Alien, he is an an Entirely. While nancy boy Murdoch still, even in his dotage, aspires to provide some quality journalism amid the Page 3 boobs and Mystic Megs, Desmond is Entirely Tabloid. Not one edifying thought passes his lips. Thank God. He is pure, driven, but not like the snow. If he were a cat we'd call him Sooty. He is dark. He belongs to the shadows, he is an elemental; like an angel (fallen) he is devoid of reason: his every action is moved by sentiment, revenge, greed, lust. This is the profile of an Entirely. He is the perfect tabloid boss. He is not the Hyacinth Bucket of the newspaper world.

Why, only the other day, the Sun actually carried a story about poet Michael Horovitz as lyrical muse to Damon Albarn of Gorillaz and their third album Plastic Beach. The paper even encouraged its readers to vote for him in the Oxford poetry professorship election and published its website address to this end. Naturally, the poor mite who wrote the story didn't realise only Oxonians can vote and laboured under the misapprehension that it was an annual event. Under Desmond this mistake would not have been made.

He would have killed the story on sight! Why would Sun readers be interested in Michael Horovitz or Oxford poetry professors?

Desmond understands this without thinking. He is the incarnation of our lurid sex and slebrity fantasies. He is on course for deification (Hades division). But first he must buy the Sun.

12 comments:

M de Begbie said...

Slightly off topic but The Independent seem to be closing down "Independent Minds" the blogspot. Lebedev could not handle the white hot truth dripping from every orifice that we are not al ZaNuLabour supporters (see bitchfest Broxted v Rentoul).

the late Ned Kelly said...

In Australia during WW2 the Director General of Information was Rupert's dad Sir Keith Murdoch. He convinced the government to pass a regulation giving him the power to dictate the wording of newspaper and radio news. The idea was that he would be editor-in-chief of Australia. Like father like son.
Desmond could certainly be no worse.

Anonymous said...

Oh satire!

The late Marje Proops said...

Murdoch at least is highly intelligent. What Desmond has is loads of low cunning. He has chopped jobs galore on the Express to increase profitability at the expense of quality and grasped for himself £40m of the taking per annum. The Express is now a joke newspaper. Only the idiotic Today show on Radio 4 actually quotes from it as if it were a newspaper. If you want to destroy The Sun then let him buy it.

DRF said...

The Daily Express is not a joke newspaper. I review history books for it. I have always been treated with exemplary professionalism and have never had any editorial interference whatsoever concerning what my views should be.

Duncan Fallowell

Madame Arcati said...

That's very true. I may have to revise my opinion of Mr Desmond.

Anonymous said...

Not for the first time, Madame, I an uncertain of your point. You appear to approve of Richard Desmond yet mock him with your clains he says nothing edifying. Then suggest he buys the Sun. Could I have the name of your drugs supplier?

Madame Arcati said...

Mr Boots.

Lord Beaver said...

Perhaps Madame Arcati would care to regale his or her readers with the story of the former OK deputy editor who is suing Desmond for sexual harassment, as reported in Private Eye. I am sure there can be no truth in her claim, yet we'd all enjoy the lurid details before having a good wank watching Desmond's TV porn channels.

Anonymous said...

Regardless of whether Sun readers care two hoots about the Oxford Professorship, it's a smart bit of PR by Horovitz, dontcha think? Particularly given that the story neatly pricks Roger Lewis's fatuous and under-researched assertions about him in the Times.

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madame Arcati said...

I love them all dearly and I couldn't give a toss about the poetry chair.