Thursday, September 14, 2006

Frank-N-Furter's kitchen goss

Normally I deplore Popbitch-style celebrity teasers in which some outlandish sexual practice is attributed to an unnamed famous person in order to dodge the UK's draconian libel laws. But then again who am I to stand (too much) on principle?

A story comes my way of a famous UK-based married TV chef - let's call him Funny Cradock. A few years ago Funny was in the habit of visiting a prostitute on a regular basis - let's call the prostitute, um, Miss B.

Now, here's the thing about Funny - he's resolutely heterosexual, he craved extra-marital sex but he didn't want to commit adultery (ie have sexual relations with a woman who's not his wife). Some people just want to have their cake and eat it! And Miss B was the perfect cake because she's a transsexual (male to female) - but one still with a penis. Miss B has the boobies but as she says herself, "I still tumesce, darling".

In Funny's brain Miss B's penis made her a "non-woman" (so no adultery) who nonetheless was sufficiently womanly to excite his heterosexual love-map for guilt-free relief.

"So it was just as well I was a catcher," adds Miss B, cryptically.

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