Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Arcati in Croatia: Molly Parkin, Boris Johnson and Luxury Labia

Le Méridien Lav, Split

Breakfast with Molly Parkin is a singular experience. In her flowing toga-like purple robes and matching turban, she's poking Tracy's breasts and asking 'Are they real?' Tracy's from San Francisco, was once a banker (she foresaw the credit crunch - 'It was obvious'), and she wants to put on the Parkin Lot at a club there. I think the Parkins are going global. Right now we're in Croatia and I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing here.

I flew in yesterday and to mark the event I brought a rare rain storm. It's an odd experience being filmed all the time: when I said to a greeting Molly at the airport 'I love your balls' - a reference to her necklace - I suddenly visualised how that might come across on TV thanks to Robert Chilcott's fly-on-the-wall camera. Later, at the seaside Méridien Hotel just outside Split she told me she's working on a new poem, Luxury Labia, an anthropological piece on the revealing white tight trousers of young women here who 'are showcasing their fannies to men'. I recall the phrase 'camel toes'.

Today we're doing interviews for Croatian newspaper Free Dalmatia and a photoshoot at midday and then tonight we're off to the Ghetto Club to film a TV show there - should be a busy night as it's a national holiday today. Cosmo and more tomorrow.

Meantime Molly sent Boris Johnson this note:

"Hi Boris, this is Molly Parkin, currently performing Parkin Lot on tour (formerly in residence at The Green Carnation, Greek Street) and exhibiting my paintings in Split, Croatia. Also writing poetry for my upcoming poetry performances - with Mike Horowitz (OBE), 100 Club, October 8th.

"I voted for you, I put you in office. I like your hair very much, and your Bertie Wooster-ish demeanour. The first fucking time I've ever supported a Tory! I hail from the Welsh Valleys, where Churchill sent in the troops against my family at the miners strike.

"This one is written with you in mind. I am the voice of the people! "


Partner? Co-habiting? Extra income?
Full employment? Part-time employment? Conglomerate employment?
Are you running a business? Are you contemplating opening a business?
Have you recently sold a business? If so, how many?
Did you declare this sale?

Have you recently bartered any personal items?
Furs? And Jewelry? Socks and Shoes? Hats and Bags?
Or auctioned on eBay?
Domestic paraphernalia? Tables? Chairs? Carpets? Curtains?
Kitchen equipment? Cups and Saucers? Soup Bowls? Basins?
Juicers? Blenders? Pots and pans?

Do you own property? Have you inherited property?
Do you anticipate inheriting property? Or marrying a person of property?
If so, how many properties?
Are there tenants? And how many?

Are you likely to benefit from a financial windfall?
Family Bereavement? Inheritance From a Friend? A Win on the Lottery?
Is Gambling a Major Addiction? And Lady Luck a personal acquaintance?
Have you ever been declared Bankrupt? If so, how many times?

Do you indulge in Sexual Favours for financial gain?
Pleasure? Or Profit?
How much for Fellatio? Full Fuck Back and Front?

Ad infinitum................................................................................................

What they didn't ask was
The width of my smile?
The warmth of embrace?
The acts of forgiveness?
The profound links of friendship?
The depths of my love?

And all the other things to my


Anonymous said...

Didn't Boris reply?

Madame Arcati said...

An automated response was sent. Much as I have little time for Bojo I think he'll have something to say about the poem when he gets round to reading it. Molly had wanted to send it to Gordon Brown, but emails cannot be sent direct to him unless you're one of his chosen.

Anonymous said...

It's time to get back to London, duckie.