Saturday, August 22, 2009

Gordon Smart loses his Madonna Candy Hard-on


Celebration: A past and present coadunation of Madgestic sounds

Diddums! What did Madonna do to the Sun's Bizarre hack Gordon Smart? Forget to send him a freebie? Today he gives her a good rubbishing in the wake of Radio 1's decision not to playlist her new single Celebration. "Her Madgesty's last album, Hard Candy, didn't do as well as expected. Probably because it was rubbish," he scribbles in his best GCSE-level prose. "I'm also sick of the sight of her parading around in her undercrackers." Why, because she's 51? Rhetorically, as he attempts to stay down with the kids, he asks: "COULD this be the beginning of the end of MADONNA's reign as the Queen Of Pop?"

Oh Gord!

Oh dear. Was it only a year ago - on Aug 25, 2008, to be precise and four months after the Hard Candy release - that he had a waking wet dream over her Sticky & Sweet tour. "Madonna's energy and performance is incredible," he jizzed. "I doff my cap to a 50-year-old pole-dancing and double-dutch skipping mother. Without question, Madonna is still the Queen Of Pop. Long live the Queen." Get the Kleenex out.

It's hard (candy) not to laugh.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, ho, ho, MA darling, you devil you. Using the poor boy's words against him. So, you thought YOU we're fickle, eh?

Well, there is something to be said about Mo and it is that this is exactly the kind of criticism that gets her fired-up into "I'll show them all" mode. She has been considered "a brand" that will fade away soon for over 25 years by the hottest, trendiest "experts" on the matter (whom, incidentally have all come and gone) and every time they predict she's finished, soon after the reports come back on yet another sales record broken by her. But it's ok, we all know that Gordon is not the only one that has this love/hate relationship with the Queen of Pop. Madge will be around for a loooong time. They way things are going, it looks like when the end of the world comes the only ones left roaming will be roaches, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Madonna.

Anonymous said...

Standard tabloid switch, ducks. You can't expect consistency from such low-life.

Anonymous said...

Madame, exercise some quality control over your commenters for chrissakes.

Mandy said...

Gordon is so sexy, I'd love to give him a long bj.

Matt said...

Hard Candy is a standard Madge effort. About half of it is great, half filler. Maybe this little two-timing twerp tired of the good stuff and started listening to the more mundane numbers, i.e., anything with a rap break. Or maybe Guy is paying him under the table to needle Rocco's mama; at any rate, he'll probably make more moo-la if the "I'll show 'em" concept pans out.

Madame Arcati said...

I do believe that the twerp acted as Guy's medium during the marriage break-up. He obediently wrote up what he was told either by Guy or an intermediary. That's what hacks do I guess.

Anonymous said...

This deluded little cunt has the worst taste in music. He jizzes down the leg of his skinny jeans over 2nd generation Britpop shite like Kasabian and their godawful predecessors, Oasis.

Clover Vitriol said...

What a Farce Hole!

Madame Arcati said...

Oh that's clever! I'm flattered. How are you Gord? What's your exclusive today then?

Duralex said...

Clover Vitriol commenting on Madame's updates, now? Tabernak! Scratching my head... Sounds like schizophrenia is running rampant on this blog. ;-)

Madame Arcati said...

Not my fault if people go to all that bother.

Anonymous said...

Wow, MA darling,
This is what I was talking about. How long can one go on with a pointless argument that goes nowhere and not let go? I'm surprised Anon has not died from some horrible disease brought on by so much hatred running through its veins. Let us just hope that now this sorry twerp feels it's made it's point and goes back to where it belongs: with it's nose stuck up KS's fanny; take deep breaths, anon.

You rock MA.
Luv U