Duncan Fallowell: 'MJ just wanted to be deeply fucked'

Duncan Fallowell writes in response to my Disneyfied cockless-cuntless Michael Jackson posting below this:

Dear Madame

I don't think his songs are asexual. Many of the later ones seem to be coded confessions. Didn't he do one In The Closet? His whole act, I think, came to embody an intense yearning to be cherished and deeply fucked. Was sexual passivity ever more vocal?

Duncan Fallowell

Dear Duncan

Still trying to get a copy of your 20th Century Characters for your Jacko piece. I recall how astute you were.

I don't think his songs were asexual, either. Like many singers he masked his true romantic interests in conventional garb. His later stuff may be coded confessions. But his persona was disneyfied-asexual - as a refuge from the feared consequences of being himself.

I'm not at all sure he wanted to be deeply fucked, at least not literally. I can recall reading Jordy Chandler's court deposition: he described how MJ would blow him and eat his cum. In the sense that he wished to ingest "masculinity", this is the nearest to being "deeply fucked" I guess. But he might have needed yet more pain killers after a bout of penetrative loving. I'm not sure he wanted that level of sexual or emotional engagement. A gobble with a boy-man was as much as he could deal with. It was playtime followed by the famed sleepover.

Of course he should have gone to prison: Genet's sweaty jailhouse fantasies might then have been brought to life in MJ. Who can say?

Love as ever, MA x

Farah Damji interview: 'No more criminals, hookers, journalists, lawyers'

Farah Damji's memoirs Try Me - published on July 6 - are the stuff of scandal. How's that for a hook? A writer and cultural commentator, a former editor, a former jailbird and now an ethical fashion designer who has blinged Madonna and Mary J, she is an "Indian woman who has lived, loved, fucked and fucked-up in spectacular fashion," according to Liz Jones' ex and newspaper columnist Nirpal Dhaliwal.

"Long before she went to prison for perverting the course of justice and theft, Farah Damji was making waves by being a coloured woman, living an anti-coloured woman's life," opens the press release for her book. The story she tells, which starts in Africa and then shifts to India, embraces the New York worlds of fashion, design and the city's glittery lowlife, always edged by celebrity, and her social, professional and sexual encounters with British media and literary figures. Her revelations, indiscretions, anecdotes and conclusions will upset and infuriate many of her subjects and their lap dogs.

If Farah sought reconciliation or redemption in writing this book she may find herself disappointed. On the other hand, her brutal X-ray honesty - which does not even begin at self-exculpation - is matched by a vivid and brilliant prose style which stands as some kind of virtue in itself. I have always been a sucker for elegant clarity. As the writer and filmmaker Farrukh Dhondy says of Try Me: "At last an immigrant autobiography that doesn't have a mission to complain."

Farah agreed to an email interview

Farah Damji! Before we get to the matter in hand - your upcoming memoirs Try Me - tell me your star sign and whether you think you're true or untrue to it. And while we're being mystical - you make many references to Hinduism in your book - have you ever consulted a psychic (if so, what was said?)

Sun sign in Libra but Scorpio everywhere else with a little light sprinkling of Leo. Librans are meant to be artistic and balanced and not temperamental. So one out of three is a fail grade. Psychics told me I would be married with the white picket fence by the time I was thirty. That fortune is a little late in the telling.

So, why did you write Try Me? It is fiercely honest and won't endear you to your critics.

I didn't write it to endear me to anyone. I am not particularly endearing. I wanted to tell my story in my own words.

How hard did you have to sell the proposition for Try Me? Was it hard going or a walk over?

Sold it three times. Once to a Big Book Publisher who then decided they were going to change MY life story after I had signed in blood on the dotted line and spent the advance. Sold it then to a teeny weeny (un)publisher who turned out to be a neo-Ghandian, post-nuclear proto-feminist who wanted to use my book to push hers and her brother's and then I landed, in the midst of drowning and not waving, like the little animals two-by-two, in the safe sanctuary of The Ark Press.

It was an easy sell because people thought they could re-package it so the story became a facsimile of itself. A popular genre at the time (2007) was Indobrit Chic-lit, it was a bit like looking in a watery reflection, in a murky lake. They didn't realise that I wasn't motivated by anything else than the need to tell MY story in my words so it was easy to walk away when things became contrary to commissioning pillow talk. I think most commissioning editors and literary agents are spawned from the devil's own seed.

Darling, now look. There's no nice way of saying this, but you've been baaaaaaad. Jailed in the US, imprisoned for perverting the course of justice in the UK, working for underworld kingpins in New York, meeting Mafia bosses, writing the kiss 'n' tell about your affair with the married travel writer William Dalrymple and having another affair with a married man, Allan Jenkins of the Observer, and more. What's the worst thing you've done of which you are ashamed?

The thing which I am most ashamed about are the years I have wasted by being absent in my children's lives. That can never be replaced and they are the ones I value the most. Shame is a waste of time. Who is going to get anything from it? I feel bad about you making me feel bad and that negativity erodes my sense of worth and success so the desire to be a "good" person is worn down. But these are all other people's ego-based value judgements. I did crime, lots of it, I was sentenced by a Judge, I did my time. People need to learn to get on with it. I certainly have. I contacted everyone ( I could find) when I came out prison and I wrote to them and apologised for being such a shit. Most were incredibly kind and gracious, one or two (mostly Asian media wannabes) were vile and cold. What to do?

How do you think the wives of these men will feel about certain intimate revelations in your book?

Oh Madame Arcati. I don't know and I don't care. These wives' husbands were sniffing around like dogs sniff bitches on heat. If a man cheats once and a woman puts up with it, she has created a vacuum where there used to be trust and commitment. If you marry a rake, be prepared to be muck-raked. Both these men are serial adulterers, I wasn't the first and I certainly wasn't the last in either case. These wives stayed, whereas I wouldn't, so I can't say what they might feel, I feel differently.

I take it Allan was better in bed than William ....?

Couldn't possibly say but now that you mention it....

How do you think your family will react to private revelations about certain matters?

My parents are stuck like adolescent narcissists. I am sure they think they were perfect parents who provided every material comfort that money could buy. Indeed they did. But they were and continue to be lousy parents. I don't judge them, I just don't want them in my life, they do the best that they can and it isn't ever going to be enough so the best thing is to stop having the expectation that they will change and find that lost love elsewhere. TV or chocolate are good substitutes. Besides, who cares? I have been disinherited by my daddy decades ago...

You write in Try Me: "I’ve lived like a lost butterfly that flutters this way and that, seeking warmth and nourishment. I sought shelter from the sun that burnt my wings, yet I craved her warmth. I wanted the light." Outside metaphor, define light and warmth. And if there's one person I could promise you would never have to meet again, who would he or she be?

Light and warmth are unconditional love and acceptance, from your god, your children, your lover. It's what I sought outside myself my whole life, but never found. Light to me means God-sense in my life. I have that now. There isn't one person, I would like to never set eyes on again, there is a whole village, we'll swap names later...

I see you know The New York Post's gossip writer Richard Johnson. What's he like?

Nasty little piece of work. He doesn't really do anything anymore, he's so ******* by noon that his sidekick the scary Paula Froelich does it. Paula used to be a sweet thing, worked as the receptionist at the Holmes Place on Fulham Road but is now a little caught up in her own reflected glory. Last I heard she'd written a book of scraps and tidbits, leftovers they couldn't use on Page Six.

Indobrit - which you edited - was launched in 2002, a quarterly magazine for British Asians living in the UK. You wrote in the New Statesman of your father who left the UK and returned to Africa: "He had had enough of the British, his bastard bank manager and all the things that reminded him that, despite owning the best bespoke suits and a sizeable chunk of Soho, he was still regarded as un-British." Is this one reason why you think multi-culturalism is a con?

I think it is a con because there's no such thing. We aren't meant to be this great big melting pot society at all. We're "meant" to redefine our own versions of who we are all the time, we are all works in progress. Besides, more and more people are mixed race, live in more than one place, don't necessarily conform to the norms of their birth culture. We need to achieve transculturalism, wherein we look "above" a person's culture or creed into what that person is inside.

Are the Brits inherently racist?

I think Lord McCauley sums it up better than I ever could, in 1835 in his speech to Parliament, about India. The British are inherently fearful, that they are not good enough or that they will be "found out." Of course not all of them, but an unpleasant BNP backing minority. "I do not think we would ever conquer this country ... for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self esteem, their native culture and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation”

Where are you with Toby Young? He described you as a "a nasty little Indian" which he denies. Then I read Geordie Greig of the London Evening Standard was offering his services as a peace-maker. What's going on?

I awe Toby Young. What a strange thing to call me when he could have called me so much else? We are spectacularly fine. As long as he stays on his side of the bed / planet / universe and I stay on mine, we will have no more friction. It was all due to Mercury in Retrograde, bad communication and all that. Didn't the Americans cook him and eat him on Celebrity Carnivore?

Have you changed? Could you resist major temptations again? How do you know when you've changed?

Yes. I think I make better choices. I think you know when you have changed by the people who are in your life. It's a reflection of what is going on inside, in a way. So no more gangsters, criminals, hookers, journalists, lawyers, j/k. Some very solid good old friends have always stuck through sick and sin but some talented and lovely new people have entered my life too. To stay.

If there's one thing you could change about jail, it would be ....

The horribly itchy polyester sheets. I missed my Pratesi, darling. No seriously, the entire Criminal Justice system needs to be completely overhauled. Thankfully we have been relieved of that god-awful Jacquie Smith [as Home Secretary] but the prison estate is too huge and unwieldy for any effective change to take place.

I am involved in a Prison Project which teaches accountability and responsibility. I think criminals change when we as a society start to realise that we are all part of the problem and that crime doesn't exist outside of determining factors such as class, background, economics and race.

We need a much more reformative, restorative system not just one that exists only to punish. Big stick no carrot can't work. Not everyone can write a book in prison and it's a human shame that so much talent, time and potential isn't put to better use. And I don't mean making number plates, I mean teaching people in the prison system real life skills so they can go out and live valuable lives, not repeat old crimes and go back into the cycle.

Finally tell us something about your life now. Would you edit another magazine if you could?

Ethical fashion, working on a big presentation for a big high street chain, who are not too well-known for their current stand on ethics in fashion. You can't use organic cotton and then chain some sub-continental kid to his sewing machine for fourteen hours a day and pay him £1 and call it an ethical garment. There has to be complete transparency all the way down the chain, from how the textile crop is grown, dyed, manufactured, stitched, finished and to how the final item is packaged, marketed, paid for and transported. It's more than just soothing our Guardian-singed consciences because we feel we "should" do something or support a movement.

No more magazines for me, been asked but Dead Tree Media is endangered and it's a soulless life, I wouldn't want to go back to it. I love writing and am formulating a plot for my second book. My life provides fertile ground for stories! Watch this space...

Farah, I wish you all the best with your fascinating and brilliantly written book.

More about Farah and Try Me extracts, click here

To order a copy of Try Me, click here

Quentin Crisp and Arnold Schwarzenegger: When they met on a date

An Arcatiste in the post two below asks where he or she can read about Duncan Fallowell's mad lunch at San Lorenzo with his companions Quentin Crisp and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Duncan replies: "Yes, it's in my collection 20th Century Characters published by Vintage, now out of print, but available secondhand on Amazon. Perhaps I should post it on my site since it has a wildness about it you don't come across in journalism today. Richard Davenport-Hines cites that particular lunch as one of the greats in his book on Proust at the Majestic. Even then the Governor of California was an unstoppable force of charm and ambition." To buy click here

Michael Gross and the furious Social Empress of New York

Is it the case that the uncrowned "Social Empress of New York" has waved her sceptre and decreed that a book she finds either embarrassing or inaccurate or both should be ignored by Anyone Who Cares What She Thinks? That it should in effect be allowed to die by ordained silence? Who knows?

The Empress in question is Annette de la Renta, the book, Rogues' Gallery: The Secret History of the Moguls and the Money That Made the Metropolitan Museum, and its author the legendary, the inescapable, Michael Gross. His oeuvre includes non-fiction bestsellers Model and 740 Park.

Mrs de la Renta is the wife of the - omg!, gimme the grandest-sounding adjectival phrase, please - multiversal fashion designer Oscar. They are among the society Caesars and Cleos of America (NY in particular) - with the tragic ends missing, respectively. Apparently. They're so huuuuuge that even American Vogue editor Anna Wintour over-arches her back into an ageing stoop as she scrapes about in their presence. Not even the newly refurbished Hubble telescope can fully capture their social enormity. There isn't a lens big enough!

So, when this goddam writer Gross produced his sensational NY museum history book, which does not portray Annette (the sometime guardian of the late Social Empress of New York Brooke Astor's estate, and a trustees board member of the Metropolitan Museum of Art) in an entirely approved light, all hell broke loose. Museum types raged for and against Gross' book: indisputably, Gross had hit a raw nerve about a national institution. And Annette threatened legal action - she could sue yet in the US or turn libel tourist.

Suddenly, promised book reviews did not run, scheduled interviews did not appear. All this in the Land of the Free. No writ has been served as I write.

Was she offended by the stories about her and her late, wealthy philanthropist mother Jane Engelhard or was she aggrieved by Gross' impertinence in delving into Oscar's well-known sexual past? Or all of the above?

Annette de la Renta is rich enough and powerful enough to hire the best lawyers to speak on her behalf. I spoke with Michael Gross about the affair. (If you want more background, read Jesse Kornbluth's excellent report, click here)

Michael, my dear. You're imagining that sections of the US media have banned coverage of your book, aren't you? You've got sensitive?

"No. I did a fascinating interview with Daphne Merkin, a celebrated writer, for a publication-day story on The Daily Beast, Tina Brown's web site, that has still never appeared. I also know of at least one reporter who has received a warning letter from Mrs de la Renta's lawyers saying the book is 'full of misinformation' and another, at another newspaper, whose story on the book was killed by an editor who said that they would cause the book to be withdrawn and/or corrected and the newspaper would be left 'holding the bag.' I also know of several reviews that were scheduled and then mysteriously postponed. I hesitate to be more specific since I fear that the reporters and editors who have filled me and my publisher in on what's been happening (or more precisely, not happening) might themselves be at risk of retaliation."

You're saying the New York elite have closed ranks against you in defence of their Empress?

"I know that the New York elite - call them the 4,000 - love to know and discuss things no one else (ie, the public, the great unwashed, the NOCD types) knows. Much of what is in my book is no surprise to them. Many of them were my sources.

"That said, I suspect that the core issue here is not this or that nugget of revealing information but rather something larger and perhaps more threatening, my exposure of two things: the way things really work behind-the-scenes in a great American cultural institution - which no one involved wants revealed - and the picaresque saga of Jane Engelhard, whose riveting life story still has holes in it, despite my attempts to fill them, but which is nonetheless told in full for the first time in Rogues' Gallery. Both she and her daughter have battled every attempt to shed light on this saga - battles referred to in the book."

Is this just about the de la Rentas - or have you also upset the cultural snobs by telling the unauthorised and all-too-human story behind a national treasure, the Metropolitan Museum of Art?

"The sad fact is that the sort of people who create and sustain historical repositories like the Metropolitan do not want their own histories, or those of the institutions, revealed. Otherwise, why would they repeatedly obstruct researchers and make a mere book like mine into an object lesson, a warning to any who might think of following a similar path of crumbs?"

I understand the de la Rentas' friend Anna Wintour made her feelings known ....

"I ran into Anna Wintour at Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar shortly before the book came out. We have 'crossed swords' before, beginning when she was the editor of British Vogue and began an interview by instructing me in no uncertain terms that I was not to refer to her as Nuclear Wintour, so I was not surprised when she gave me a look I can only describe (by paraphrasing a designer) as 'standing in a strapless dress next to an open icebox.'"

As Kornbluth writes of the matter: "A rich woman has used a two-ton gorilla to threaten a writer, and, for whatever reason, silence has descended." If Annette de la Renta's legal threats are intended to chill interest in Gross' book, then they may well have succeeded for now.

But would it not make more sense, and be more in keeping with the freedom-loving spirit of the US, if she published a statement of rebuttal for all to see? What is unacceptable is the suspected exercise of informal social power to, in effect, banish a book to obscurity, and with the acquiescence of a generally gutless American media. Tina Brown - when will you become the mouse that roared?

For a great read, order a copy here.
Michael Gross website

John Rechy: A midnight cowboy for Easter

John Rechy

A perfect Easter present for your friendly archbishop et al is John Rechy's City of Night published last month by Souvenir Press - it took decades for a British publisher to pick up his 1963 debut novel. (Though see comments) It was the first to delve into the gay sub-culture of America and find its heart.

Edmund White writes: "In that groundbreaking book he was... observing a whole new array of characters: drag queens, the still-beautiful boy living dangerously beyond his sell-by date, the guilt-ridden married men eaten up by desire and remorse, the vice cops and fag hags they're all there, many of them for the first time in American literature... this classic American novel."

Rechy wrote of his book: "City of Night began as a letter to a friend of mine after I had been to New Orleans. I wrote City of Night because they were my experiences hustling, and it began as a letter. I didn't think of it as a book." Gore Vidal hailed him as "one of the few original American writers of the last century."

A 2008 interview with Rechy by the scaredy cat Rupert Smith, click here. (Poor Rupert, so sexually bold, so craven in the company of "senior" journalists).

John Rechy site

To buy City of Night, click here.

Ned Sherrin is no longer for rent

Two early obits of Ned Sherrin who has unloosened his ends at 76:

"He confessed rather engagingly that he used rent boys for sex because he didn't want to exploit young actors who might sleep with him in the hope of getting a part."
Telegraph

"But even his best friends were surprised when, just after he received his CBE in 1997, he published a diary in which he confessed that he used rent boys for sex contacted through gay magazine ads."
Mail

He confessed to his rent boy usage in Sherrin's Year (1996 - the Mail has got a bit confused date-wise) because he had received blackmail letters - hopefully not from the News of the World or any of those other disgusting tabloid newspapers which are edited by Christians and thrive on blackmail or illegal surveillance. That aside, I found Sherrin socially to be rather a miserable old bitch – like most satirists it must be said. Ever tried a conversation with Richard Ingrams? Serenading a steaming camel's turd in the middle of the Sahara would be more stimulating. One hopes, that unshackled from his dull earthly world and throat cancer, Sherrin can enjoy good long fucks in heaven as the gods congratulate themselves on the ingenuity of their sexual inventions.

Read Duncan Fallowell's attempted seduction of Sherrin click here

Eric Roberts - Julia, call girls and Batman

I bump into my good friend and Julia Roberts’ brother actor Eric Roberts, currently in London essaying villainy in the next Batman movie.

“Visited any call girls, darling?” I ask. “They’re very fashionable right now what with Billie Piper stretching her snatch as the Belle de Jour tart on TV.”

“Nah – but everyone needs sex, y’know. They should legalise prostitution – it would make it more affordable.”

“I soooooooo agree,” I say. “The state loses a fortune in unpaid National Insurance, too.”

“Y’know I run a call girl service – nah, just kiddin’!”

I giggle. “How’s Julia? She played a very nice call girl in Pretty Woman.”

“She played a prostitute who never put out - amazing. Man, that movie should have been a sitcom.”

“Oh Eric, you’re incorrigible – she’ll be so cross to read that.”

“I’m over-paid, over-respected and I’m over here, that’s all I know.”

"You're playing the villain in Batman then."

"I love playing villains - you get the best cars, the best clothes, the best women - and then you get to die."

John Travolta - 'Scientologists treated his homosexuality'

Do try to get a copy of Ian Halperin’s new book Hollywood Undercover – he last made a great splash with Shut Up and Smile back in 2002, an expose of the fashion world that was Jackie Collins’ book of the year in the Mail. His trick is to reinvent himself with an outrageous name and persona, launch himself into a crazy targeted world, Borat-style, and then document the resultant absurdities. He is a satirical action man.

I’ve interviewed the author and will put that piece up soon. But its most explosive part is on homosexuality in Tinseltown. “Nine out of 10 actors in Hollywood are gay,” he asserts, having communed with the Queers of the Round Table, a salon of celebrity cock-cocking connoisseurs. Halperin tells me: “Without a shadow of doubt Travolta was gay. He went through the Scientologist’s auditing programme which purports to re-programme gays as straight. I have seen incontrovertible evidence of this. I was shown a video of one of his ex-male lovers talking about how he was paid off by Travolta and other evidence. And I’ve seen pictures of him kissing a male lover. However, Tom Cruise is another matter. Everyone said he was gay but I never saw the smoking gun. There’s no proof he’s gay.” More to follow, much more.

J Randy Taraborrelli: Chronicler of the bitch divas

J Randy Taraborrelli. What a name! I could write an essay just on that name alone (but I’ll keep it brief).

First there’s that mysterious J initial (so American, though initials tend to the midway of monickers, usually) and that thought takes me to The Great Gatsby and its hero Jay – the man who came from nowhere, who has found himself somewhere, whose soul is elsewhere. Is that Mr T? Probably not, but that’s the way my brain’s working today.

Then there’s the Randy bit – oh yes. A man who writes shagadelic books as big as Mr T’s has got to have a lot of go in him. This is a man who has oceans of surplus energy. His books need shrink-wrapping just to keep your lap dry.

And finally, the climactic, the polysyllabic Italian opera: Ta-ra-bo-rrell-i. It’s the sort of name the Kevin Kline loon Otto might have enunciated over and over again for seduction purposes in A Fish Called Wanda. No one else is called Taraborrelli. It’s a brand designed to trip the tongue-tied. And the brand is: Big BIG pop biographies. So big that just buying a copy presents a health and safety issue. BIG because they’re chock-full with revelation, exclusivity, high carat goss. And BIG because Mr T doesn’t write about small people – just about some of the biggest bitch divas on this planet.

Madonna, Diana Ross, Michael Jackson (honorary bitch), Cher, Elizabeth Taylor ... shall I go on? His current Diana Ross: An Unauthorised Biography is just out. I caught up with Mr T for brief intercourse.

Greetings Mr T! You’re the world’s top popular biographer – any message to your nearest rival Kitty Kelley?

Just one word: WHO???

Miss Ross did not deign to speak to you for your latest book. Does she hate you? Have you heard of any ructions arising from the book in the Ross Empire?

I did draw from interviews I conducted from Miss Ross years ago. I first interviewed her way back in 1972. Sure hope she doesn't hate me...but great divas will be great divas!

How many people did you speak to for the latest Unauthorised on Ross and how many for all the books you've written on her? How many researchers do you have?

Hundreds of people... more than I can remember if I had to total the sources for all three books, from the members of the Supremes, to Diana's mother and father and siblings and... all of the Motown stars... many, many people. I have five researchers who help me conduct interviews and then transcribe the tapes. But I write the books myself...

How long does it take you to write a bio blockbuster?

Usually about two years... but I always have more than one book in the pipeline at a time. I was writing Diana Ross at the same time I was working on Elizabeth Taylor, for instance.

Give me one reason why I shouldn’t propose marriage to you …

Because if I accepted, you'd then have to put up with me!

Cher, Madonna, Diana Ross, Michael Jackson et al: who’s your favourite among that lot and why?

Miss Ross, always. Why? Because she's Miss Ross, for goodness sake!

Do you hold back more than you put in to your books - perhaps for legal reasons?

Oh yes, of course. And also because I think you don't have to write everything you know, just what helps tell the specific story you're trying to tell.

Where’s home?, please give us a brief description of it. And what did you have for breakfast this morning?

I live in the Hollywood Hills in a big ol' castle I bought from one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It's a great home, and I love it. For breakfast? Cheerios, baby!

How young were you when you realised what your life purpose is? What’s the best education to become a biographer?

I was about 10 when I knew I wanted to be a writer. The best education to become a biographer is to live your life to the fullest. And fall in and out of love a few times. Only then can you understand another person's experience.

You seem drawn to divas or les monstres sacres – why why why?

Because they live BIG lives. They love hard, they lose hard... they fall hard... and when they come back -- and they always come back!-- they do it with a vengeance.

The country with the worst press is …. (and why)

America, I'm afraid. We've become very... unpopular, I'm afraid.

Tell us your worst defamation/libel/threat of libel experience with a diva

Madonna once came up to me backstage at someone else's concert and said, 'Now you've done it, and I've had it with you.' Then, she turned and walked away. To this day, I have no idea what she was talking about!

Who’s your next “victim” and why?

It's a secret. There are so few great subjects left, I'd have to divulge his -- or her -- name. (Of course, it's a "her.") It will be my 14th book!

Will Michael Jackson ever make a comeback do you think? Can he be as big again? Did he like your book on him?

He did like my book about him. I think that if MJ wants to make a comeback -- if he truly wants it -- he can do it. I'm not sure he has that fire in his belly, though. And without it? Can't happen.

Your advice to Mr and Mrs Beckham (if any)

Duck!

Thank you Mr T. Here you are a hero.

And thank YOU. I'll be sure to include you in my next acknowledgments. :-)

http://jrandytaraborrelli.com/