Three years ago Madame Arcati turned Simon Cowell (that explains the sulphur fume - where's the violets nosegay?) and happened on an amazing singer-songwriter talent called Bryn Phillips. I even got to interview him - click here.
If you follow the link there's a video of him performing one of his own songs, Femme Fatale, on an out-of-tune upright piano at a Mark McGowan/Farah Damji event. Since then Bryn has taken up the Occupy cause, locked horns with the Corporation of the City of London, serenaded the cops on the steps of St Paul's, done something contentious in a Tesco (an unbooked gig, I think) and formed a new band - Bryn Phillips and the Big Society.
What I didn't see coming was his move into commercial dance/anthemic pop - love love love! Here's a fly-on-the-wall at a gig at The Elevator Gallery, featuring his last band Private Lives. The new version of Femme Fatale is a hit waiting to happen; I'm infallible in my tastes and judgement. This man's going to be big. He could end up a judge on Britain's Got Talent if he's not careful. And don't forget where you first heard all this! Plus he's a Leo. Can't fail.
Interview with Bryn in La Bouche Zine, click here.
If you missed Molly Parkin on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs this morning, here's a chance to catch up. She's described as the 'grande dame of Bohemian living' and talks vividly of her life.
PS Following the show, her memoir Welcome To Mollywood rocketed up the Amazon Biography sales chart. Even Madame experienced a surge with over 4000 extra visitors to the various posts on Moll (see labels).
I love this new hyper-glam portrait of my permanent fiancee Molly Parkin, due to be unveiled at La Galleria, 30 Royal Opera Arcade, Pall Mall, London SW1Y 4UY on 26 April, 2011.
It's the work of artist Trademark aka Mark Wardel. His other celebrity subjects include Kylie Minogue (who commissioned a series of portraits for her Showgirl Homecoming Tour), Divine, Grace Jones, David Bowie and Boy George (who describes Trademark as a modern-day Warhol).
And Kanye West and Naomi Campbell are among star collectors of his artwork.
Of the Moll unveiling, Trademark tells me: 'The event is being filmed as part of the BBC4 profile which has followed the process of myself painting this portrait of your fiancee.'
I would affectionately title her Nefertiti-like portrait: Moll: Murder By Maquillage. The purple lips are sealed - for today she will spare you a sharp retort - while the black eye greasepaint is a promise of risky drama, lovingly applied. This face is trouble.
To view more of Trademark's work, click here. For a critique, go to this.
PS to Trademark: Think about Judge Judy. Turn this hideous virago and persecutor of the fat, blue-collared litigant into a drag queen. She is the most dangerous woman in America. She is also thin. And cruel.
I had vowed not to give further promotion to performance artist Mark McGowan's videos after his ghastly support for the Tories* at the last election. Fancy being a nihilist notice-moi-ist (moist?) who thinks Old Etonians can run a modern multi-cultural democracy (as if!): even our benign anarchists nowadays are no better than Julian - Downton Abbey - Fellowes or Louis - 'Wag-ner' - Walsh.
But Mark's latest movie, 'We are being controlled by the internet' (click here) has at least wit. We see the silly poppet prone on his bed mucking about on the internet and offering us a series of Alf Garnett-y reaction shots to the online bedlam. Obama's a jackass, lizard-hating David Icke's admirable (such is the level of satire)... and we are warned: beware people with short arms. I am most disappointed that he does not mention Madame Arcati, though I do not have short arms. He should at least have mentioned Daniel Radcliffe's cock or Sheila Vogel-Coupe's 81-year-old snatch as part of the Arcati online mental stew. I mean, who cares if Britney Spears is short?
How very remiss. How very Old Etonian of him.
*Mark now claims in comments that he did not support the Tories. Likewise, may be this posting is satire in kind.
Mark McGowan plans to prostrate himself 10,000 times in front of a "large photographic image of Conservative leader David Cameron on (election day) May 6th, 2010, opposite number 10 Downing Street."
He explains: "The prostrations can be seen as a sign of reverence to a noble man, David Cameron, the man who can lead this country out of the problems we are in. It should take me about two-and-a-half days to complete, I will start at 10am on Thursday 6th May and finish on Saturday 8th May, by which time this country will see a new leader. Gordon Brown, the Labour party and champagne socialism is over."
So, over to champagne Toryism instead. Except of course you can't get into Downing St these days without an invitation and the police won't allow him to loiter about outside for long. I just hope Mark doesn't end up with sciatica.
He boldly pushed a trolley bearing a "Sorry" cardboard sign through the near-empty streets of Wootton Bassett. The cortege flag-wavers stayed away, not a coffin or a Dimbleby was to be seen. But perhaps curtains twitched. Scenes of mass destruction may upset some Arcatistes.
Will these Wootton Bassett burghers turn savage and rip poor lickle Mark to pieces in a zombie-like fit of frothing, tabloid-driven rage?
My dear remote friend Mark McGowan (how's sexy Bryn?) plans to crawl on his hands and knees through the touchy town of Wootton Bassett with a sign on his back which simply says, "SORRY". The event is planned for Sunday 21st February 2010 at 2pm.
The artist has previously completed many famous crawls including London to Canterbury. He also pushed a monkey nut with his nose for 7 miles to Downing Street.
He says, "This performance/art event is an attempt to say sorry for all the civillians that have been and that are being killed due to this country's foreign policy. Also, 'this is not a protest'."
I do hope Mark is not kicked to death by the flag-waving burghers of Wootton Bassett, egged on by circulation-chasing tabloids or the giggly presenters of the Today programme. That would be too distressing.
Nirpal Dhaliwal - the former long-suffering husband of the professional loony and miaow lover Liz Jones - and Farah Damji are planning a joint reading from their respective books, Tourism and Try Me, in the New Year. Their topic is: Did the 60s ever really happen? "Welcome to the no sex, no drugs and strictly no rock ‘n’ roll world of 2 and 3G British Asians." For more details click here.
One of the questions under consideration will be: "Why do so many Asian bloggers and wannabe 'meejah-sites' hate Nirpal and Farah? Are they really the same person? Or maybe twins separated at birth? I mean the blogger(s) not Farah and Nirpal."
And while one awaits this possibly life-threatening event - Madame Arcati may preside (she has yet to decide) - catch up with Farah's July book launch party movie starring, among others, Anthony Haden-Guest, Darcus Howe, Mark Reeves, Vicky Gold and Mark McGowan and The Snails. Soundtrack by the unutterably sexy Bryn Phillips - Madame Arcati is sooooooooo in love.
Now he is dead, time for his celebrity to soar on the thermals of dreams. Stephen Gately in life was the cuddlesome pop toy of boyz and girlz and guileful tabloidz. In death, he is being reconfigured. Jan Moir (Moi? Mwah?) of the Mail dreams he died because he was a morally stinking homo (to paraphrase). Mark McGowan has made a short movie about a Stephen Gately killed by ... voodoo. McGowan dreams Stephen Gately cut off the penis of a sacrificed goat and drew malevolent sorcery to his effigy heart. Of the two dreams I prefer Mark's. It strikes me as truer, comparatively speaking. (Click film once, slight delay)
Stunt artist Mark McGowan will mark World Food Day this month by riding around London for 24 hours on a tiny child's tricycle covered in peanut butter. His efforts, in support of Action Against Hunger, aim to raise awareness of a new life-saving peanut-based treatment for 19 million children dying of hunger. He starts his journey at 10am on October 15th 2009 at Downing Street and will circumnavigate London, ending in Greenwich on World Food Day - October 16th 2009.
I just love Philip Levine's head designs. Artworked bonces are so sexy, so clean. I commend to A-listers, the intelligent and cancer patients. For more on Philip's extraordinary work, see his new website. "Philip started using his head as a canvas for creativity back in 2006 when he began to go bald...."
First, Molly Parkin's off to Split in Croatia next month with her art exhibition. Now I hear stunt-meister Mark McGowan is off to Split, too: he'll be exhibiting a piece of Michael Jackson's skin at the Ghetto Gallery from July 18, 2009, at 21.00. "The Body and Soul of Michael Jackson" will also include a video projection, a small drawing and McGowan wrapped in a white shroud, representing the dead body of Michael Jackson. McGowan says, "I expect people will cry, it will be very moving, I got the piece of skin from a memorabilia collector. Some people have asked how do I know it is real. But there are lots of relics from dead saints, for example, and people do not question, you must believe it's real. I was told that Michael's chiropodist was the contact." For more info call Sonia @ the Ghetto Gallery 0915667000
Duncan Fallowell writes in response to my Disneyfied cockless-cuntless Michael Jackson posting below this:
Dear Madame
I don't think his songs are asexual. Many of the later ones seem to be coded confessions. Didn't he do one In The Closet? His whole act, I think, came to embody an intense yearning to be cherished and deeply fucked. Was sexual passivity ever more vocal?
Duncan Fallowell
Dear Duncan
Still trying to get a copy of your 20th Century Characters for your Jacko piece. I recall how astute you were.
I don't think his songs were asexual, either. Like many singers he masked his true romantic interests in conventional garb. His later stuff may be coded confessions. But his persona was disneyfied-asexual - as a refuge from the feared consequences of being himself.
I'm not at all sure he wanted to be deeply fucked, at least not literally. I can recall reading Jordy Chandler's court deposition: he described how MJ would blow him and eat his cum. In the sense that he wished to ingest "masculinity", this is the nearest to being "deeply fucked" I guess. But he might have needed yet more pain killers after a bout of penetrative loving. I'm not sure he wanted that level of sexual or emotional engagement. A gobble with a boy-man was as much as he could deal with. It was playtime followed by the famed sleepover.
Of course he should have gone to prison: Genet's sweaty jailhouse fantasies might then have been brought to life in MJ. Who can say?
Bryn Phillips: Madame Arcati's very own singer-songwriter discovery - sign him up while you can, bitches. Photo by Margaret Stone
It's not everyday that Madame Arcati throws caution to the wind and falls publicly in love with talent at a distance. But such was the case when her gaze fell upon the singer-pianist waif who unexpectedly popped up in the video of Mark McGowan's latest stunt, the burning of Gordon Brown's effigy (see bottom of this piece).
After flames had licked away the PM's cardboard jowls and blackened his terracotta Guerlain powder makeup, Madame Arcati was consumed by a febrile passion - one stoked by a most beautiful belter of a voice that soared effortlessly above the sound from an upright out-of-tune filthy piano in a room with the acoustics of a serial killer's basement. Madame Arcati was blown away! A star was born! I subsequently learnt that the voice belongs to Bryn Phillips and he agreed to an email interview. Record companies please take note. Don't be slow.
Bryn Phillips! What did you think when you realised an elderly matriarch who wears plaid and rides a basketed bike was lusting, er, I mean, admiring your singing talent on YouTube?
I thought "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Give us a spec of your musical range - your voice, instruments - I mean, have you recorded anything?
At the core of my art is the act of song writing. I have always been musical - I play the piano, guitar and violin. I play with synthesisers, electronic beats and other ways of generating sounds, like tape loops too. I’m obsessed with popular music, but I think pop music often lacks strong lyrics and I am not ashamed of writing poetically. And yes, I have been recording, with my band Private Lives.
Andrew Weatherall said I should call my album ‘Better Than Bowie’, which is very flattering. Our recordings aren’t mixed yet, so I won’t post anything on the internet for a couple of weeks. However, you can see me perform live at Hackney Wicked Festival, on Saturday August 1st. It’s a festival in edgy, Hackney Wick and I’m excited to be playing there. Check our MySpace page http://www.myspace.com/privatelives for details.
Tell us how you ended up on Mark McGowan's Gordon Brown burning video. And was your wonderful performance impromptu?
Really MA, you’re extremely kind. Actually, I was surprised to see the video on the internet. My performance was genuinely impromptu, and isn’t that piano terribly out of tune? Personally, I would have preferred that Mark had burnt Boris Johnson or Peter Andre. I don’t agree with you about making an effigy of Nick Griffin. He is doing a very good job of burning himself. If you believe in eternal damnation, of course.
Oh, before I forget, what's your astrological sign or at least give me your birth details. You're from Wales I understand.
Predictably, I am a Leo. My birthday is the 13th of August 1981. Actually, my mother is English but my father is Welsh. My parents met in a stable, although unfortunately I wasn’t born in one. I grew up in the fens, north of Cambridge and I speak basic Welsh. My genes have given me the lungs of a valley boy and my upbringing has given me the teeth and tongue of Joe Orton. I am the dark side of Oscar Wilde.
Oh, and that song you sang. What's it called?
It's called Femme Fatale. It's a tragedy about a girl whose baby gets put into care. The recorded version I did with Private Lives sounds far superior, and I am extremely proud of the vocal.
What do you think of Mark? I like his stunts but his Jade Goody one annoyed me.
Oh yes…he’s quite a minx, don‘t you think? I have noticed, other than the Gordon thing, that Mark is a pyromaniac. He’s always burning things, isn’t he? In truth, I think he’s a talented satirical artist. The Hackney Gazette were furious about the Jade stunt, Mark was denounced all over Hackney on every billboard for a whole week. The tabloids seem to utterly hate him, so he must be doing something right. Although they do always send a lot of photographers to take nice pictures of him…
You live in a bedsit in Clapton. Now, I don't know how to ask you delicately but if an elderly matriarch wanted to pay a visit would your landlady/lord object? Or do you already have a bitch/whatever? Please feel free to go into intimate, micro-detail.
Well, I have a stalker. Really, I do.
And yes, I live in Clapton. It’s very rough where I live. Even dangerous. My bedsit is an old shop. It’s located on "the murder mile" and the E5 Crew meet outside my front door on a nightly basis. Sociologically, gangs are very interesting, but they make for ghastly neighbours. Just a few weeks ago a boy was stabbed to death at the end of the road and the police tape made it very difficult to get home. I have no hot water at the moment, so I don’t think my landlord is in any position to start vetting my guests. But my kettle works, so please do pop by if you fancy a nice cup of tea.
You say your shower is in disrepair. Tell us about your bathroom ablutions.
I hate to sound maudlin, but my shower is definitely on the brink, it runs, or rather more, it drips, cold. Which, in turn, it seeps its way into my work, haha. I must admit, after seeing the video I did a bit of a SuBo, got me hair done, scrubbed me nails and all that. I like my Mac though. Do you think I need a stylist Madame Arcati? Does the hat really maketh the man?
You just stay the way you are for now though I'd add a bit of eyeliner. Now, Bryn, seriously - you're very talented - what do you want from life and what must happen next to get you there? Do you compose songs?
Oh, you’re very generous MA, I’m flattered. Yes, I do compose the songs, I’m quite prolific in fact. All I want from life is a decent, permanent place to live, books, a piano and a fridge full of food. Oh….and to be really famous, hang around with Amy Winehouse and get papped outside Dalston Superstore. For all of this I need to secure a record deal. In fairness, I haven’t tried to yet, but I’m very much open to offers.
Who's the greatest singer ever? And when you're famous, what do you want to be famous for?
Who’s the greatest singer ever? My friend Paloma would be extremely offended if I didn’t say her…so Paloma Faith. But really, Billy Mackenzie - without a shadow of a doubt. I love him. Hmmm…when I am famous I want to be famous for the subjects I write about and for the life I have led.
Finally (for now) - have you ever consulted a mystic? If so, what was foretold?
I never have MA, apart from an elderly gentleman I knew as a teenager, who used to dabble with the occult.
Bryn! Thank you so much. Madame Arcati will chart your ascent with her usual enthusiasm.
A reminder of Bryn's powerful voice - he starts at 2:30 after Mark has turned Gordon Brown to ash.
NoticeMe-meister Mark McGowan has sent me his latest video - his burning of the effigy of Gordon Brown. Why Gord? Why not David Cameron or that boring polyglot amoeba Nick Clegg or that fat BNP cunt Nick Griffin? McGowan's gone off a bit lately: he really screwed up on Jade and now he's worn the wrong party frock on Gord: Gord's got four planets in Pisces, OK?, so he can't help but be secretive, cryptic, sneaky, dour, grim, insincere, dark: astrologically he belongs to the shadows. Leave the man alone! He is precisely the leader we need for these tiresome times. He'll look the part in the history news footage. Ghastly! It's fate's synchronicity! Ask Sting.
But Mark has accidentally discovered a star - Bryn. He plays the piano and sings a song from 2:30 on (just skip through the Gordy idiot fire bit). I love this man. Wonderful voice, the piano is filthy sexy: his mack is disgusting: his hands are grubby: oh God, some people need a lick-wash, doncha think? D'ya think Bryn would like a Madame Arcati Lick-Wash? What's the song? - one line is "They're gonna take the baby into care" and another is "she's a disposable girl" and "she'll become a femme fatale". Name that tune, cunties.
Mark McGowan's posthumous tribute to Jade Goody has lost its home at Cordy House, Shoreditch, East London, after media twerps put pressure on the venue to play nanny on behalf of Britain's half-wits and had the art show stopped. So it will now take place at The Guy Hilton Gallery on Sunday May 3, 2-4pm. Journalists and editors who attempt to stop this will be hounded to a care home where they'll be starved and abused as a matter of course. I couldn't care less about Mark's show, it'll be the usual rubbish, but I defend his right to make an exhibition of himself to celebrate the bones of a celeb of happenstance.
Mark McGowan is planning to reenact the last few hours of Jade Goody's life in what he threatens will be a two-hour performance at Cordy House, Curtain Road, Shoreditch. Tickets for the May 18 performance are £17/£25.
"I am from south London," he says, "and I loved Jade. The last months of her life were in the public eye, except the moments of her death. As an artist, this is my tribute to Jade, I always supported her, even through the Shilpa Shetty incident." Here's a preview trailer: I doubt that his singing voice would get him far on Britain's Got Talent.
As London is immersed in G20 tumult next week, with 100,000 demonstrators expected and all police leave cancelled, the artist Ben Moore will manfully vogue through the riots in his pink Star Wars-like trooper suit. Confrontation will serve as aesthetic backdrop to an artistic experience.
A spokesman tells me: "Ben wants to capture images of the pink trooper standing still amid a chaotic and violent environment - like a statue. This piece of work is about armour and uniform - the pink trooper was once white and automical. By becoming pink it has changed sides - gone from the side of the police onto the side of freedom and freedom of expression." I just hope a bodyguard of France's Dior-clad Première Dame, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, doesn't shoot him on sight - what an unfortunate diplomatic mishap that would be.
Ironically, I understand London mayor Boris Johnson is rather fond of Ben's work as one of the artist's subjects. I shall expect to see him at the subsequent G20 Art Wars exhibition. Click here for more details of the pink trooper.
