Saturday, July 26, 2008

Madame Arcati gets on her bike. Bye bye


This is my 1005th post and my last for now. I am sure there is a counselling service somewhere for those bereaved by the resting of a blog, but take heart: like a silent volcano, Madame Arcati is not necessarily dead but could be dormant. Just think Krakatoa or Vesuvius: you never know when either may erupt again. An innocent goatherd loitering about this site may yet find him/herself blown into the sky as Mt Arcati suddenly spews out her magma-poison in response to another hypocrite editor or dodgy showbiz dahling ...

Of course the site remains here, her cinder cone a monstrous phallic silhouette at dusk. Think of all those posts to read or re-read! Kevin Spacey, Duncan Fallowell, Molly Parkin, Stephanie Mastini, Jonathan King, Susan Hill, Ms Baroque, Rupert Murdoch, Fish and Nicky Haslam, Robert Tewdwr Moss, Allison Pearson, Rupert Everett, Precious Williams and Jon Snow, celebrity cocks ... so many more - frenemies and all - topics and contributors. And thousands of glorious comments from the likes of the mysterious Duralex and other masked smarties -fresh comments will go up indefinitely, and you can write to me privately if you wish or need to.

In the two-plus years of my existence, from July 4, 2006 to now, this site had 1,033,081 pageviews and 468,079 visits, with most callers from the US and then the UK, followed by Canada, Australia, Germany, France, Italy, Netherlands, Ireland and Spain. People from 197 countries visited the site - though I assume the one visit from Vatican City was a papal accident. I think I can safely say that Madame Arcati has proven to be more popular than certain mainstream publications and their websites.

And on that happy note, bye bye. For now.

(And as if to sum up Madame Arcati's cock-cocking, cunt-cunting preoccupations, I am indebted to Stella Polari for bringing to my attention The Maccabees' delightful Toothpaste Kisses - a polysexual frolic)

And my thanks to the incomparable Margaret Rutherford whose Madame Arcati in Coward's Blithe Spirit (1945) changed my life. Why wasn't she made a dame? (Where's Christopher Lee's knighthood btw?) Rutherford was all the things I love - deeply gifted, ugly, always old and one of the avatars of the peculiar. Even as a teen I had a fetish for creped skin. If you don't know her, here's an intro ....

37 comments:

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

...gone for now but never forgotten...love, steph

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Steph. Well, we had some fun didn't we? Thank you for allowing me to showcase your wonderful artwork (still on the site; check the search box). And thank you for sharing so much info on the family of your former brother-in-law, Kevin Spacey. I know a lot of what we wrote upset Spacey fans. But this kind of delusional adoration - usually by atheists, ironically - should not be encouraged. And I think Spacey himself would agree with that.

He's a highly gifted actor. It's a pity the world cannot accept him as he is.

I know you're in convalescence from your cancer ops and meds - I wish you the very best in your new life, in your new home. MA x

Actor said...

A typically witty adieu, Madame. I am one of the persons you have written about and have been very amused to be picked over in what I think was an affectionate way. I cannot imagine how you found the time to write all this stuff, unless of course you really are a strange old lady who resides in a country cottage with her crystal ball.

Anonymous said...

"her cinder cone a monstrous phallic silhouette at dusk"

So you're not fucking off because u dried up then

Anonymous said...

You don't say why you're "resting" your blog. You've not moved to Malta with a certain esteemed novelist have you?

dr no said...

seems a perverse decision but then that would be typical. i likeed the recent postings on movies. and generally you didn't seem so dreadful though i suspect you have simply re-packaged your sociopathology elsewhere.

Liz said...

One of the few media blogs worth reading so MA will be missed in my office.

Thanks for great entertainment and really hoping this isn't the end.
Liz
x

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Liz
Thank you very much. I have been inspired by your campaign against bullying. Journalism as you know is cursed with bullies: it's accepted that editors can scream, shout, intimidate as part of the coin of editorial power; but increasingly people are challenging this nonsense. Every journalist who had has to deal with the psychopathic behaviour of senior editors or peers should seek legal advice - as a matter of course - and get out while they still have their self-respect. But get out with a fat pay-off. Employers must be punished for their negligence or culpability.

It astonishes me that a deputy editor of a national newspaper can retain his job though he threatened physical violence against a fellow member of staff. The latter won £100k payout; the pyscho kept his job. Any student of journalism should think about this state of affairs and what kind of life they want. As long as the Amanda Platells of this world try to dismiss bullying as nothing more than robustness, the situation will not improve.
So, thankyou Liz. You are doing great work.

Anonymous said...

But we love you!

Come back soon please!

JK

Sue George said...

Oh no!
Even though I didn't comment until very recently, I have been reading your blog for ages... I shall really miss your wit which is lacking in the often mediocre and yawn-making world of blogging.

Ms Baroque said...

Mme A! I can't believe you're doing this. This blog been always a tonic; your acerbic take on the world is such a relief, as I'm sure you know. I hope you'll be back, or pop up in some spiritual way... meantime, I hope whatever you;re doing instead is just as good.

xx

Anonymous said...

< He's a highly gifted actor. It's a pity the world cannot accept him as he is. >

It's a pity YOU cannot accept him as he is.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Sue and Ms B - thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

My dear madame,

I have greatly enjoyed reading (and feeding) you.

Aestivate but don't be late -

Nsfl
xxx

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lee Randall said...

utterly gutted.

Anonymous said...

It's a pity you're not continuing with Madame Arcati. It's one of the best of the breed and sometimes THE best when you're not being too serious. Why don't you attach it to a newspaper or magazine? Of course you might then have to obey an editor ....

Anonymous said...

Goodbye Dear Madame A
I'm sure we'll hear from you again though! ;)
With love,
Someone You Insisted On Writing About

stella polari said...

I assume you will continue to view to Stella Polari to see what your feline niece is up to ?

We`ll be over to trim your Mother`s bush on Saturday. Laters.

Jonathan King said...

For some reason my earlier comment appeared as Anonymous. I'm never, EVER Anonymous!

At least my JK signature was there.

Seriously, this rash, foolish and mistaken decision must be reversed as soon as possible.

JK

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Jonathan, I did wonder whether the anon JK could be you; it seemed so out of character. One of the highlights of blogging was putting an excerpt of your movie on the site - I still say it should shown at a film festival - perhaps Tilda Swinton's peculiar fest up in Scotland sometime soon might be receptive.

As I am saying in private messages I may return but workload is too intense at the moment. MA x

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Please don't stop blogging. I read you almost every day and never commented before. Your blog is an example to newspapers how it should be done. Roy Greenslade doesn't do it for me. Please reconsider. Love, um, anon.

Anonymous said...

"I know a lot of what we wrote upset Spacey fans. But this kind of delusional adoration - usually by atheists, ironically - should not be encouraged. And I think Spacey himself would agree with that."

And of course he should highly approve of your well-intentioned and respectful publicity campaign about him and his extended family!

Good riddance. Too bad your crappy pseudo-journalistic blog doesn't vanish from the internet with you.

Madame Arcati said...

I couldn't give a shit whether he did or didn't. His family has as much right to express their thoughts and reveal their secrets as he has to stay tight-lipped. Like I said Arcati is now dormant, not dead - so don't let me interrupt your sex toy fun, bitch.

Ms Baroque said...

Well this "dormant" is sounding better. You have a nice rest, Mme A, and we may see you when something juicy happens. Maybe someone will email you the story you just can't resist... I'll try and think of something!

And by the way, your help earlier int he year was much appreciated.

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Ms B, I'll be back I'm sure. I get juicy stories every day - for instance could it be that Carla Bruni is - oh, but I'm not updating at the moment. xx

Anonymous said...

Who is Carla Bruni?

Fish Inton said...

Madame! *gasp* How can this be?! Much as I haven't commented a great deal over the past year or so, I've been sure to check your fabulous blog every few days, just to keep up to speed. It's an addiction, and I do believe there will be a sense of withdrawal.
It's been wonderful to read all you've written, informative as some of it is, and entertaining also; and hearing you're more 'dormant' than absent leaves me with some hope =D
I'll keep you updated on Hazza's book, mind you... it's something I have to do... obsessive urges and the like, you understand.
Much love, and best wishes for whatever you're going to be getting up to.
Fish x

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Fish - do keep me abreast of Nicky Haslam and the curious case of his non-existent memoirs. I'm not convinced anymore that he is working on his memoirs; it could the Brit's answer to Answered Prayers, the novel that never really quite was. Nicky will be too afraid to upset all the swanks he mixes with and the result could be soooooooooooo dull. But I hope I'm wrong and he delivers a nuclear society bomb. Is that too much to ask? Tell him I said so.

Putting MA into dormancy was not a happy decision and I keep hearing things I want to reveal, like about Carla Bruni (out tomorrow), the noted singer and former cunt-cocker of Mick Jagger (I hope that answers the question from anon above).

Anyhow, Fish keep in touch. MA'll be back.

Jody Tresidder said...

Oh bloody hell!

Your announcement gives me that dismal deja vu of peeking through the front door letter box of a cherished racy friend and seeing only an empty hall and dancing dust motes...

Like others here, I also hope it's simply a case of Girl, Interrupted...

xx - and thanks!

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Jody, and I did love your Hugh Grant book ....

Anonymous said...

I know your trick, you scheming cunt. Next you'll be back "due to popular demand". Everything you do is twisted, perverted, kinky. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
stella polari said...

For a `farewell` posting, it does seem to be generating quite a bit of traffic, don`t you think? You`re hardly `resting` while continuing to moderate and publish this nonsense.

Sooty sends a "meow"

Madame Arcati said...

The magma stirs, like I said.

Duralex said...

Tabernak, this is a big surprise, but then sooner of later everything has to come to an end in this bitter world, hasn’t it ? (Cheap philosophy, I know.)

Ah, chéri, I understand you’re already missing the forever mysterious Duralex, but don’t worry : he’ll always be your own private little Nemesis, wherever your avatars may migrate to in the cyberspace.

Ce n’est qu’un au revoir.