Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Molly Parkin: 'Lee's eyes tore flesh from my heart'

Arise Sir Parky indeed! What's he done all his life except sit about asking celebs what his researchers shovelled up from the archives? For his retirement show he could only find one woman to see him off, Dame Judi (and Dame Edna, but you know ...). What about Christopher Lee? Why isn't he Sir Christopher Lee or even Lord Hammer of Horror? Sign the Lee petiton, or die slowly. Click here

My new best friend Molly Parkin is also supporting my knighthood for Lee campaign and sends me this charming epistle ...

Dear MA,

I ALSO PETITIONED FOR CHRISTOPHER LEE TO BECOME SIR. AS AN ADOLESCENT I MET HIM ONCE IN THE 40S. HE WOULDN'T REMEMBER.

MY FATHER HAD YANKED ME OUT OF MY BED VERY LATE ONE NIGHT, THOUGH I HAD SCHOOL THE NEXT MORNING, AND ORDERED ME INTO MY SUNDAY-BEST TO SERVE COFFEE IN THE SITTING ROOM. I WAS TO MAKE SURE AND CATCH THE EYE OF THE YOUNG MAN IN THERE WITH THE LOOKS OF A FUTURE FILM STAR. MY FATHER CLAIMED IT COULD BE A SHREWD CAREER MOVE FOR THE FUTURE, MAKING THIS CONTACT. WHEN THEY WERE SEARCHING FOR CINEMATIC FRESH FACES, THIS MAN WOULD REMEMBER MINE.

I WAS 12, ALREADY WITH BREASTS, AND HAD BEEN MENSTRUATING A YEAR. THE HEAD-TURNER WAS CHRISTOPHER LEE IN HIS 20S, AND SO HEART-THROBBINGLY HANDSOME AS TO BE ILLEGAL. HE HAD ESCORTED HEATHER (POSH TOTTY) BACK HOME TO OUR PLACE WHERE SHE WAS RESIDING IN OUR PADDINGTON B AND B. WE HOUSED A BUNCH OF MEDICAL STUDENTS FROM ST MARY'S HOSPITAL NEARBY, AND MOST ROOMS WERE LET TO THEM AND THEIR FEMALE RELATIVES. OURS BEING A SAFE HOUSE WITH A GOOD REPUTATION. RARE IN PADDINGTON THEN!

SINCE MY FAMILY, WELSH CHAPEL, DIDN'T ALLOW MIXED UNMARRIED COUPLES IN OUR ROOMS, THESE TWO WERE RESTRICTED TO THE SITTING ROOM ON THE GROUND FLOOR, WITH THE DOOR TO BE LEFT WIDE OPEN. I WAS POSTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS TO MAKE SURE OF THIS. HE SMILED AT ME AS HE WAS LEAVING. HIS EYES TORE THE FLESH FROM MY HEART.

IN ALL THE 63 YEARS WHICH HAVE PASSED SINCE THEN, I HAVE NEVER SEEN CHRISTOPHER LEE IN PERSON.

MY MOTHER WHO HAD EMERGED FROM THE BASEMENT TO TAKE A PEEP SCOLDED MY FATHER AFTERWARDS FOR EXPOSING ME TO TEMPTATION, THE WORK OF THE DEVIL, MEANING CHRISTOPHER LEE AND HIS ASTONISHING PHYSICAL APPEAL. "WHO COULD TRUST A MAN AS HANDSOME AS THAT, WITH GIRLS THROWING THEMSELVES AT HIM HIM BECAUSE OF HIS FEATURES. HAS TYRONE POWER EVER REMAINED FAITHFUL TO ONE WOMAN?" (No, because he preferred men.)

IN YEARS TO COME WHEN CHRISTOPHER LEE BECAME A HOUSEHOLD NAME AS BOSS VAMPIRE IN THE HUGELY SUCCESSFUL HAMMER HORROR FILMS, SHE CROWED WITH PRIDE, "WHAT DID I SAY ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, THE FACE FITS. FAME AND FORTUNE FOR ABUSING FEMALES." ADDING DARKLY, "UNTO DEATH."

THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THIS! I HAD FORGOTTEN IT ALL UNTIL I SAW YOUR KNIGHTHOOD PETITION........

LOVE, MOLLxx

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt Molly's epistle is charming, but I'm waiting for its translation into 'readable' English.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

my God, Anonymous, do you require an enema everytime you waddle to the Golden Throne!!

notthefirstanontwat said...

I found it perfectly readable and, indeed, very charming.

Anonymous said...

For a moment I wondered where Molly was going with this reminiscence, she being 12 at the time. But it turned out to be one of her more innocent anecdotes. Is there anyone she hasn't slept with excepting Christopher Lee?

Anonymous said...

This site appears to be turning into a fan club. Dear oh dear

Anonymous said...

Lee's beauty as a young man is rarely remarked on but he was exceedingly handsome in a saturnine way. I agree Jinnah is a very good film but I don't think it was ever released in the UK. I got a DVd of it in India.

Anonymous said...

( Sir) Christopher Lee most certainly should be knighted and it's remiss of HRH not to have considered him-or for the UK government not to have put his name up before. From the Hammer Horror films to Lord of The Rings-this actor has been a pure joy.

There is a scandal here-along the lines of how the wonderful Sir Michael Caine was ignored for so long.

However I think from reading of dear Molly Parkin's previous exploits, which seem to be of the raunchy kind-I think she may have been disappointed if she had attempted to form a union with the brilliant and legendary actor. Certainly her father must have been rather naive.

As a confirmed bachelor-I'm also told by someone who knows these things, that the thespian is also rather humbly endowed.

Madame Arcati said...

It seems most inappropriate even to refer to the proportion of Sir Christopher's genitalia. It's not something I wish to think about. To me he is a face, a voice and an aura ... it never occurred to me that he might also have a cock. In any case his lovely wife doesn't look unhappy.

The Daughter-of-a-Bitch said...

Incredible!
A celeb's genitalia is not something Arcati wishes to think about, now ! Wake up, people! This is not “our” Madame Arcati speaking, this is a ridiculous impostor sitting behind "her" keyboard. Someone murdered our media medium on the very day Benazir Bhutto was assassinated! Oh my Gawd! What shall we do now?

Madame Arcati said...

Perhaps DuraBitch has taken over the site. I suppose that's possible

Duralex said...

<< Perhaps DuraBitch has taken over the site. >>

A remake of "The Invaders" that would take place in Hackland ? Well, if this is the new bee in your bonnet... But Bob Ottum did that already, you know. :-)

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

....My dear DOB...
"A celeb's genitalia is not something Arcati wishes to think about, now ! Wake up, people! This is not “our” Madame Arcati speaking, this is a ridiculous impostor sitting behind "her" keyboard."

oh, you are soooo wrong..Madame is very much alive...and well!! And behind her keyboard..

"What shall we do now?"

as for what to do with you??? Thank you for allowing my creative juices to deliberate on that one, a Dali-like painting comes to mind, and it is not a flattering characterization.....
But, I will leave that for Madame to decide....

Duralex said...

Lao Zu approximately said: if anyone harmed you, don't try to get revenge on them, just sit by the riverside and some day you'll see their corpse floating along on the water.

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madame Arcati said...

And Madame Arcati says .. "If you relished the sight of the corpse in the river, its departed spirit will come to haunt ..."

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..interesting, considering where this comment has originated..I would suggest you heed that warning and start paddling...it doesn't take a psychic to see who the revengeful figure is in this epic...

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

.. of course that was directed toward the erroneously spiteful Duralex...I beleive that he has seen his future and is shaking in his/her Birkenstocks...