Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand posting for Google ranking purposes

In the wake of the Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand/Andrew Sachs/Georgina Baillie mega-fuss (ie career- enhancing contretemps), I have decided to join Georgina’s sex ‘n’ violence burlesque Goth thing, Satanic Sluts.

To do so one must send “pictures of yourself looking gorgeous in black, racy in red, tempting in latex or just plain filthy in the flesh to us here at Salvation Films …You must include your chosen nom de plume or saintly moniker (ie St Sinista or whatever sacrilegious title appeals to your virtuous mind) and, if you have one, your website /webcam address and we'll include a direct link to it with your pictures. "

I’ve been wondering what to call myself. Current favourites include: Mme Arcunty, Gossipa, or St Penetrata. Any thoughts here? My “looking gorgeous” look will blend trews and silk tunic with leather belts criss-crossing my thorax from neck and crotch ties (bowed). My brown ruched turban will bear a priapic Hitler crucifix to signal my inner desires. I am assuming Satanic Sluts is open to still self-lubricating 80-somethings. I hope we’re not dealing with yet another ageist organisation here.

As to Madame Arcati’s view on The Fuss and whether Ross and Brand should be tortured to death for making Mr Sachs marketable again for panto bookings etc, I would like to make this public statement: “I couldn’t give a buggery.” Satanic Sluts


Duralex said...

Too bad men aren't admitted. I'd compete as... Duralex, in all simplicity. Heh, heh, heh.

Anonymous said...

St Penetrata is a brilliant monicker