Friday, January 04, 2008

Charla Krupp - Queen of nutty elixirs

I must congratulate Time magazine on its shameless promotion of gerontophobia – or the morbid fear of getting old.

It’s currently running an interview with the trussed-up, painted Charla Krupp, author of the snappily titled How Not to Look Old: Fast and Effortless Ways to Look 10 Years Younger, 10 Pounds Lighter, 10 Times Better (Springboard). Charla betrays an unusual fear of decaying in real time – even for a former beauty director of Glamour. “There's no reason to look like an ‘OL,’ or old lady, in Krupp's parlance, when you can look Y & H — younger and hipper, that is,” natters the compliant writer Andrea Sachs in the catalogue-style that passes for magazine journalism these days. The cosmetic advertisers will be pleased.

“A really thick temple is really hot,” declares Charla of spectacle frames. “They don't say anything, those classic frames. They just say old. A young person, a teenager or a 20-year-old, who wears glasses would not wear one of those rimless frames.” That's right, suck the life out of those bastard youngies and soak up their natal wisdom. Another age-defier is white teeth – “Young kids have big, white shining teeth,” she declares. Seen the guys in the Kaiser Chiefs lately? – teeth like those of a camel. Simon Cowell has bleached teeth, but he just looks like a middle-aged man with white teeth, that’s all. Her sermon on the mount is simple: “I think we can fight like hell to do everything we can to look younger.”

It would be most strange if someone wrote a book called How To Look look Less Black/White or Effortless Ways To look More like A Heterosexual. Charla’s simply puffing bigotry – it’s just that in a youth-soaked culture we imagine she’s speaking pragmatic sense. Of course there’s ageism in the work place! So let's pander to it - get rimless specs and give one less reason for firing you!

I was watching Gok Wan’s How To Look Good Naked last night on TV and he wisely persuaded an unconfident bleached blonde in her late 40s to look younger by dressing older – her ghastly ‘70s youthtful clobber of denim, white and sparkle simply drew attention to her age in an aesthetic clash of expectation. Gok talked about class, how to use age for a chic re-modelling. He’s got the right attitude. Look at the individual requirement, not the cunting age. Old Charla needs to address her age phobia and see a psychiatrist.

Such a person ought not to be encouraged to flaunt prejudice in public places.

11 comments:

SUSAN said...

I adore Gok Wan. He is the best thing on reality TV since Barbara Woodhouse. Trinny and Susannah - terrifying. Go Gok.

Madame Arcati said...

Wan gives good Gok, I do agree. I love the way he hugs his makeovers and kisses them all over the place and grabs their bums and blows raspberries into their bosoms and goes corrrrrrr. His intermittent lapses into throaty hetero-noises is most alarming, and amusing.

tight fit said...

I need Arcatis help. I've had a 'Casual Ecnounter' with a TV newscaster with whom you might familiar and I taped some of the action (without his knowledge)as proof. I would like to get the tape and my story to a newspaper but don't know the legal aspect or how to go about it. Please help and advice.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Tight Fit, My advice would be that you throw your tape away. You will only draw bad karma to yourself; and having a casual encounter with a TV newscaster is a very humdrum experience. Apparently.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..that sounds like a true set up in more ways than one Madame..don't you agree..??

Madame Arcati said...

It sounds like a set up but I doubt very much the tape exists: I suspect our friend is just being amusing.

Arcati does not encourage the entrapment of celebrities, though people should feel free to get in touch about their mischief.

Liz said...

Why not just pop it on YouTube, like everyone else?

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

..because it's a hoax...

Anonymous said...

This woman Charla Krupp: Her cover photo is SO appalling. Her clothes, her hair, her personal style--she looks like one of those awful California women from the TV show "The Real Housewives of Orange County." A desperate, aging woman trying to appear kittenish.

Skimpy, twiddly, flirty little top that looks cheap and poorly made, and looks like 13-year-old girls should be buying it at the mall or wherever.... Etc., etc., etc. What's the saying--"Mutton dressed as lamb"?

Annie Cates said...

Hey Anonymous --> The Real Housewives of Orange County all have huge boobs, fake nails, and fake tans. Charls promotes healty living and a natural look. She says to dress age appropriate (and gives nice examples), explains how to select makeup to enhance your beauty as you age, shows the difference between dark red lipstick and how the same face with a lighter more natural gloss looks better. She says to not tan, as it damages the skin and looks awful. She says to go with natural short nails and don't bother with the icky fake ones.

Most of what she says is actually contrary to the Real Housewives of Orange County. I liked her book. It's like any fashion book except it is geared for an older audience. I don't mind being old, but I still want to look attractive and Charla provides a lot of really good information on how to pull it off without looking like you are trying too hard.

Awesome book!

soozieque said...

Oooh, Madame Arcati and you others, you are SO catty!!! MA, you appear (from your email address or whatever) to be on the cusp of 40. Wait until you are on the cusp of 50! You will want to write an update of Charla's book, or follow her advice! It's amazing what happens to the human bod between, oh say, 45 and 50. The aging process doesn't just involve yourself, it involves the aging and demise of close family members and friends. A lot of losses in four years can defintiely age a person, let alone take away one's "obsession" with one's looks. Charla's book is a great how-to when you finally take a look and wonder what the hell happened since 2004! A few small changes are welcome. Grow up, please...you make Charla out to look like Peggy Bundy, and we all know Katey Sagal doesn't look like her in real life!