Film director Robert Weide claims in a letter to the Spectator that he did not ban gorgeous Toby Young from the set of How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. He further denies that it was Kirsten Dunst who got him banned. Oh, I dunno about that. I’ve got a copy of Empire in front of me – with bloody Quantum of Shite on the cover (I’ve suddenly decided Bond movies are so over) – and in it Mr Weide writes his interesting diary of the making of the movie. Let’s go through the Toby bit step by step.
1 Toby irritates Dunst by giving her notes on how to act. I think this is very thoughtful of him. More writers should take the initiative in this way. Pity someone didn’t talk to the cast of The Women which is nothing like George Cukor’s ’39 job - if you want something done well get a homo to do it, that's what I say. How can straight Annette Bening compare with lesbo Joan Crawford? Serrated edge meets draught excluder.
2 Tell tale tit Dunst then goes boo-hooing to Weide asking whether it’s necessary for Tobes to be on set. Boo hoo.
3 Weide says “I told her to consider it taken care of” The implication is quite plain. Certainly you would not think he means to reprimand the sex god, as he claims in the Speccie.
4 Weide describes a Tobes email with advice on improving a scene as “complete rubbish”. Bitch.
5 Tobes confesses he gets anxious when he visits the set. Poor poppet. Let me stroke your shiny pate.
6 Weide replies evilly: “There’s a very simple way to relieve yourself of that anxiety”. The implication is again plain – fuck off cunty, we don’t want you here. Who do you think you are, you pond life author you. Bloody writers ….
Toby knew when he wasn’t wanted and to all intents and purposes was banned - thanks to Dunst. Weide froze him out. There are many ways of making someone feel unwelcome. Just ask Anna Wintour.
Toby has invited me to his book party tonight but it clashes with Mark Borkowski’s for his The Fame Formula: How Hollywood's Fixers, Fakers and Star Makers Created the Celebrity Industry (click here to buy) which I have just read and love. I hadn't realised Clark Gable was bi. I shall be reviewing it soon. But whose party to attend? Or maybe I should have sex with a Toby Young tribute act. Decisions, decisions.