The Telegraph's royal editor Andrew Pierce is pleased Bruce Forsyth didn't get a knighthood. He writes: "The sole reason the absurd public campaign was launched to knight Brucie, seemed to be the fact he was still going strong on the small screen at the age of 80. Ridiculous. What about Sir Christopher Lee who, at 86, is still in huge demand as an actor?" Christopher Lee is not a Sir, only a CBE. If Andrew is jesting, I see no hint of it.
"Forsyth is past it," adds Andrew. "He stumbles over his lines, he can't dance, and his pitiful jokes meander on longer than the lines on his face." I hadn't realised that knighthoods are given as a reward for staying lucid in old age: that must explain why the 30-something cyclist Chris Hoy is now a Sir: these sportsmen do age rapidly, don't they?
But look who's talking. Last time I saw Andrew, in The Green Carnation gay club in Greek Street, laughing along to porno jokes by author Rupert Smith, I was struck by the extent of the Martian-like canali beds on his face. And it's not Brucie who stumbles over his facts on celebrity knighthoods: you somehow expect better of a professional royal gossip. Especially one with such a bitch reputation.