Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Sophie Parkin: JRJ and Madame Arcati's books for Christmas


Dear Madame A,

I was reading one of Roger Lewis' pieces in the Spectator online about Betty Box. I am not allowed to read his book Seasonal Suicide Notes as in true Molly fashion mother has already told me that's my Christmas present. He asks if anyone has ever written a biography of actor, James Robertson Justice. Surely he should do that and my mother Molly Parkin could enlighten him with the juicy details of their liaison in the 50's when they met in The Swallow club off Piccadilly when she was a teacher, and he was her svengali.

Just a suggestion.

Sophie Parkin

PS. May we have your suggestions for best books for Christmas presents?

Darling Sophie

How sweet of you. I've actually cancelled Christmas this year for various reasons. But because the mood takes me - two Full Moons in Gemini this month - I shall put together two book gift guides: One for the stocking, one for the cheese grater. Grating a useless book is a marvellous way to relax and the result can be scooped up and sold as hamster litter or set to some made up ecological purpose in a carbon trade off with a fake princess scammer in Burkina Faso.

As to Roger writing the bio of James Robertson Justice, he (Roger) tells me "I have a piece on the glorious James R-J in my forthcoming Growing Up With Comedians book." I should say a book on JRJ came out last year, titled unpromisingly What's the Bleeding Time? (see book cover above) with a foreword by someone called HRH the Duke of Edinburg (sic). If the Duke is reading this perhaps he could confirm he gave an honorary doctorate to the Countess of Shannon, alias the global mystic guru Almine.

Love to one and all, MA xx

Oh, and here's Roger Lewis ...

Dear Madame

A plea. Can we have a change from that (rather old I fear) photo of D Fallowell showing off his assets? It is getting to appear oftener than Andrew Neill and the foreign girl in Private Eye. Everytime I peep at your great website I get my eye knocked out.

Yours,

ROGER

25 comments:

The late Cliff Odets said...

I don't want to be unkind but after reading Ms Sophie Parkin's letter about her Mom, I don't fink she's a talented writer.

Madame Arcati said...

Sophie is a gorgeous writer but among friends we all relax, like all good sphincters.

Anonymous said...

Who's that turd by the side of Molly?

Anonymous said...

What's happened to your interview with Roger Lewis? I can't find it. It was great.

Madame Arcati said...

It's being rested for the moment.

Green Goddess said...

Guest editing WHAT MA darling? There maybe a vacancy at the Observer Mag soon...oops I forgot that paper was going to die anyway...

Madame Arcati said...

I think the Observer is with us a wee bit longer my dear.

I could only guest-edit a medium that is intriguing. So that's the Observer out.

Crawfie said...

I believe HRH the Duke of Edinburg is married to the Quee.

Anonymous said...

Rested? Was there legal action against the Roger Lewis interview?

Madame Arcati said...

Oh no, there was nothing defamatory in it even if Clive James got called a cunt. For quite benign reasons, the piece is being, er, rested.

Anonymous said...

Your cheese grater idea is pure genius. I have just grated parts of Madonna's Sex book and the gratings make excellent glitter snow for a Nativity tableau I am making for my daughter. Thank you Madame. You are truly wondrous.

Anonymous said...

Leave Duncan's assets alone. I read somewhere gay men have bigger cocks. Bid TV's Peter Simon is hung like a Jacquard curtain.

Anonymous said...

'Rested'- very mysterious. You are usually so frank.

Madame Arcati said...

Does not an actor "rest"? My modest postings rest from time to time and even take holidays. They quite have a life of their own and I, the Universal Mother, cast my gaze upon them as I watch them tumesce, or not.

Anonymous said...

Codswallop, Madame Arcati. Something's going on!

Anonymous said...

Jesus Madame, a criminal adulteress and a convicted paedophile on your Xmas bookie wookie list? One wonders what might jump out of your stocking on Xmas morning.

the late Lord Beaverbrook said...

If I were around I'd certainly put Madame in charge of the Mail for a time-that should shake them up. Also a stint at the NoTW would be a treat.

Anon must have some grater-my copy of the tedious Madonna's 'Sex' has a metal cover.

Anonymous said...

I thought Roger Lewis was Duncan's friend. He even dedicated his book to Duncan. Now Roger's all weird and envious.

Surfpup said...

Duncan has a strange effect on straight men. I speak from experience.

Madame Arcati said...

The Madame Arcati Church is a big one - and I have reached the conclusion that so-called criminals usually write the most interesting books. Oh, hello Oscar ...

Anonymous said...

some of my best friends are criminals.

Santa said...

I've got a copy of Sex too and I grated a bit and the filings could indeed pass for camp snow. Madame, you should be a Dame.

The late John Carradine said...

Only the best people have spent time in jail.

Anonymous said...

Is Roger a Muslim?

sutros said...

Not too late

The unique and perfect Christmas gift for all gourmets

www.tastingtoeternity.com

Enjoy