Darling Cliff Richard pops me a note about his new fragrances, and what a tart he is.
"Discover warm, floriental Miss You Nights, with its heady notes of ylang-ylang, rose and jasmine (which remind Cliff of his home in Barbados ),” he writes (in the third person). “Dream Maker opens with a zing of citrus notes, which give way to a floral heart – inspired by the sweet-smelling flowers Cliff grows in his own garden, and with spicy, woody undertones.” Yum yum.
Then he gets dirrrrrty … “And Devil Woman – Cliff’s latest creation – evokes a heady sensuality, with a fruity note of cassis, and exotic ingredients from faraway lands: musk, precious woods, Madagascan vanilla and benzoin resin, from Indonesia.”
Mmm, a "heady sensuality" - is Cliff encouraging women to embrace shameless hussydom with his fruity pheromone, I mean his phwoar-oh!-oh!-oh!-moan?
Even better than the scents are the testimonials. "Miss You Nights is a wonderful romantic scent and if you can't get close to Cliff, this is the next best thing!" says ... Eamonn Holmes. Well, I never guessed. Suddenly Eamonn's looking interesting.
And here's another one: "I bought it especially for my Mother, and I can't wait for the Scented Candle for me". Guess who? Yes, Christopher Biggins! Don't all rush to Boots at once. I hadn't realised that Cliff brings out the camp old queen in, er, whatever they are.
Anyhow, if you fancy some heady sensuality with the bachelor boy, starscents is the place to go.
PS Can you imagine Cliff with an erection? No, nor can I.