Dear Madame Arcati
I'm turning to you in desperation. My book To Noto on the Amazon website is accompanied by black and white photographs of a woman in various postures including getting married to Peter Rodd in a long floaty lacey thing. [Click here] It's giving customers quite the wrong impression of what I'm really like. Honestly I was never photographed by Cecil Beaton in an off-the-shoulder organdie number and never stood beside a lamp post in the Dior New Look. They've got me muddled up with Nancy Mitford. One customer has expressed considerable annoyance that I'm not a chick with a dick. I've tried to contact Amazon and so has the publisher, Martin Rynja of Gibson Square, but those piccies carry on up there - look for yourself. I'm just trying to live a simple life. Can you help?
Yours gin & tonically, Duncan Fallowell
This is truly appalling, that you should in any shape or form be confused with someone called Nancy. You do realise that you may have a case in law against Amazon? This is a libel though perhaps of a sort not yet properly tested in the courts. I would strongly urge you to post something in the Amazon review section of To Noto asap, something to the effect that you are not Nancy Mitford and that you are not having, nor have you ever had, Cecil Beaton. Then proceed to a good lawyer to bring suit (as the Americans put it). I hope Madame Arcati has been helpful.
Yours (beam me up) scotch & tonically