Thursday, February 15, 2007

Project Catwalk: A spit and a tit

Project Catwalk has started on Sky 3. Task: to find the next Yves Saint- Laurent. From what we’ve seen so far I think they may have to settle for the next Bracegirdles – the people responsible for the Margaret Beckett look: nicely colour-coordinated on a foreign secretary but hardly Anna Wintour.

A Project Catwalk fixture is fashion designer judge Julien MacDonald. Many a soul maybe read by its face in repose and if this is the case then would someone find me an exorcist – Julien badly needs one. Rarely have I scanned a facial topography of quite such spite and malice – clementine-hued as it is and framed by a hideous peekaboo hairstyle last seen on Shirley Temple. Those embittered, thinned-out lips; those inverted V-ish Lana Lang (Lois Lane's rival for Superman's cock) eyebrows: a line drawing of such a visage would be dismissed as far too cliched.

The orange face is bad enough. But his put-downs of the young show-offs in contention are pitilessly witless. “Your ego is as big as your bo-dee,” he bellowed at one. When she bravely argued back he reminded her: “I am a successful fashion designer.” Darling Julien: it’s not enough to be big. One has to act big. Wear a magnifying glass or something - the osteoporotic fashion cunties will love the look; just don't be so small.

Animal activists should note that this twerp from Wales, who mastered in knitwear, uses murdered animals for his designs. If he were skinned the resultant hide would end up retailed in a fruit shop.

And then there’s out host Kelly Osbourne who has replaced haughty Liz Hurley. Now, Kelly has something about her it must be said. She’s quite school marmish and may attribute her nascent solo TV career not entirely to Sharon and Ozzy. So instead I shall draw your attention to the recent Elle Style Awards where, I learn, she gobbed in the face of a gossip hack who'd once written untruths about her.

"She thought she was unleashing her spittle at a News Of The World reporter but got a Sun journalist instead," I am informed. "The reporter looked like she didn't know whether to scream or vomit.”

My reaction precisely to Julien.

6 comments:

Susan Hill said...

Well I`m sure it is mutual, but I have never heard of Julien Macdonald until this blog so he probably needs to tell people he is a famous fashion designer rather often. And I HAVE heard of a lot of young fashined designers, I am not in a Hardy Amies timewarp here. Only one person can do rude constructively and that one is the beautiful Simon Callow,

Susan Hill said...

Christ, I mean Simon COWELL.. That`s what 2 days in the Smoke does for you.

flagrante said...

Julien Macdonald is literally and metaphorically beyond the pale. "Whass directional about this ja-ket?' he ranted at one unfortunate in the first series.

I wish the poor woman had snapped and shouted, "Oh, go back to covering Kelly Brook's arse in sequins, will you?'

Arcati said...

Thank you flagrante - other MacDonald quotable quotes from the sheep shearer welcome.

Ondo Lady said...

Talk about a queen, Julien MacDonald outbitches Simon Cowell in Project Catwalk. Constructive comments are needed in the cut throat world of fashion but his barb wire remarks are totally out of order. Thank god, Monica had the guts to stand up to him. He must suffer from short man syndrome.

kismetique said...

Sorry to disagree, and as much as I was in total agreement when we first started watching the show....we now LOVE Julien! "May I just ask what possessed you to create such a load of rubbish?" hahahahah toooo funny. I guess we just consider the source - which puts the whole thing in context. I think the turning point for us was when Monika took him to task for being a 'brute'. Pricelsss!