Thursday, May 03, 2007

The importance of cock-cunting

As today is a busy one, I shall post my reply to one of my biggest fans, Walter Ellis, whose Arcati testimonial maybe read in the left-hand sidebar. For the context of my reply, you will have to read the comments to the posting immediately below.

Darlingest Walt,

When I say that Fleet St eds tend to stick their cocks in cunts I do not think I am betraying symptoms of Tourette's, though I am grateful for your medical curiosity - likewise, I think of your precious prostate every day. No, I am simply reporting a fact. I could, for instance, say that the editor of the Guardian is a heterosexual who is suspected of playing away at the moment - it's not my policy to comment on idle gossip. But I could say he is suspected of sticking his cock in a cunt to which he is not married. Once reduced to basics, the activity of cock-cunting soon loses its glamour - and if applied regularly would soon achieve a reduction in newspaper sales.

The implication of cock-cunting is that cock-cocking is a minor outrage, even these days (likewise cunt-cunting). The liberal cock-cunters pretend to be tolerant of the inversion but quietly pray that their nearest and dearest won't be afflicted. Does that sum you up, Walt?

Your book is in the post btw. I can scarcely contain my excitement at the psychological nuggets that await me. I may run an abridgement on Arcati - I'll send you some shekels, natch.

MA x

7 comments:

Walter Ellis said...

I don't know what to say. Your latest post is a triumph of bad taste. No doubt your forthcoming comments on my memoir will be equally foul. But I must wait and see. In the meantime, mindful of your concern for my prostate, I am reminded of an old childhood joke (not included in my book):

- Does your butcher keep dripping?
- Yes.
- Then put a bucket under him.

It used to make me laugh.

Anonymous said...

That editor has a stream of, er, former protegees. And the current one is one of the best things in the paper....

Arcati said...

I agree that Marina Hyde is very talented, wonderful writer - and I miss her learned reflections on pop culture. But to transfer her interests from Piers Morgan to Alan Rusbridger is a very odd thing. Maybe she has a thing about boss men: probably some DNA thing. But I won't pursue that thought.

And thank you Walter for your joke. I don't normally do jokes but I can see its amusement potential.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, the Hyde-Rusbridger story is total bollocks, put about by spiteful forces unknown (probably Morgan). She's completely confused by it and keeps telling everyone she'll do a polygraph if it helps!

Anonymous said...

I second Anonymous on your Hyde tale - bollox!! But a developing mystery methinks. Biggest spreader of it on Fleet St has been one Mr Piers Moron, and the general view now is that he is trying desperately to get at her because he's a bitter old cunt. Excuse my French Madame, but you sound like a girl that can take it!!! Sad bit is Marina probably (definitely some say) has the full dirt on him but refuses to ever take revenge / speak about him. The old goat's pushing his luck though isn't he?!

Arcati said...

Thank you for these thoughts, I have posted the last one on the main site - with an invitation.

Anonymous said...

"But I could say he is suspected of sticking his cock in a cunt to which he is not married."

God gracious, what a horrible sin! How is it possible?!