Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Billy Zane not on the fence

Hollywood hunk Billy Zane and his fiancee Kelly Brook are settling down nicely in Kent - I hear a local photographer built them a garden fence after he pointed out that without one he might continue to invade their privacy. A male at my hair technician's studio tells me Zane "cruised" him once. I tell him to be silent and accuse him of having gay sex on the brain. Mr Zane is impeccably heterosexual, I advise, and then deplore in no uncertain terms the pernicious queerizing of straight male stars, such as Tom Cruise, Kevin Spacey, Vin Diesel, John Travolta and Bugs Bunny.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Tom Cruise, Kevin Spacey, Vin Diesel, John Travolta"

You didn't do your homework, Arcati. I'm sorry I have to add Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy, John Malkovitch, George Clooney, Jake Gyllenhaal, Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen, and rumor has it that Arnold Schwartzenegger and Russell Crowe are about to join their very private club, but hush.

"and Bugs Bunny."

What, Bugs Bunny is not gay?! My old child's heart is broken!

Arcati said...

Not Arnie, oh no. He's so str8 that Robin Hood could mistake him for an arrow, or God for a sunbeam. Oh no, Arnie's ... well hang on, there was some stuff I heard about in younger years... mmm maybe ...

Duralex said...

It's well known that all the bodybuilders are narcissic gays (except me, of course).

Arcati said...

I think steroids alter the biochemical psychosexual balance, temporarily at least ... muscle marys are useful in war situations I have noticed.

Duralex said...

I never took steroids, thank God.

Myrna said...

"...and rumor has it that Arnold Schwartzenegger and Russell Crowe are about to join their very private club, but hush."

Schwartzie? Hmmm, that's weird, but as you like it.
But Russell Crowe?!! oh no, please, please tell me it's just a joke!

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, dear Myrna, my whole post was a joke. I don't believe any of these actors is actually what the tabs claim they might be. When the entire A-list of Hollywood is rumored to be g... er, I mean straight, there's something really suspicious about it (statistically, I mean). That virtual epidemic has very little to do with the truth, and very much with the commercial schemes of the professional gossip purveyors.
I'm quite disappointed Arcati hasn't enough sense to notice such an obvious unlikeliness.

As for the temporary alteration of Arnie's biochemical psychosexual balance... hey ladies, try an intensive training program if you wish to be turned into beautiful twinks, but gentlemen, don't be delusional: it doesn't work the other way round, King Kong knows.

Myrna said...

Phew, what a relief :-)!

Anonymous said...

Well with all his aggressive behaviour Russell Crowe's obviously compensating for *something*....