Hugh Hefner - not even Viagra keeps him up

I may not be in Cannes this year but my many familiars are out there sending me all sorts of interesting things, my favourite being this:

Hugh Hefner turned up on Tuesday for the launch of Playboy’s White Trash Charms jewellery line. In the pics he looks like he could just about get his cock up on industrial strength Viagra – a floppy semi maybe – but in fact he can hardly get his body up these days.

His blonde bunnies had to support him for the pics. The scene resembled a load of peroxide scaffolding built around a crumbling ruin. He probably comes dust these days, if in fact he does anything with the daft tarts who sign up for mattress duties at his Playboy Mansion.

He wears a hearing aid now but the batteries must have been low because all he kept saying to questions was “What did they say?” However, he’s learned to move his head around a lot in a jerky fashion, like a bird perched on a branch looking for worms, to suggest youthful alertness – which is a good trick provided he’s not lying on the floor ‘cos someone kicked his walking stick away.

Then Kelly Osbourne turns up to pose with the bunnies. Well, what can I say? Against these slim beauties she looked like a dustman in drag. Her hair looks like an ad for wigs – you can see why Sharon had to spend about $1m to re-upholster herself – it’s in the family I guess. Anyway, gotta fly – hey Arcati, ain’t it time you went public?

Miaow Ciao