Saturday, June 07, 2008

William Cash marries another rich woman

It's not every day someone is given the opportunity to write about his forthcoming nuptials twice in the same edition of a newspaper. Yesterday the London Evening Standard permitted its wealth-worshipping correspondent William Cash to regale the few dozen people who know (of) him with a blow-by-blow account of his engagement to Mick Jagger's ex, "Venezuelan-born writer and academic Vanessa Neumann" (who wrote me a little while back about William's journalistic output) and planned wedding. If you missed the double-page spread in the paper itself, the magazine supplement offered a reprise and more name-dropping. Cash appears to have a Jasper Gerard-like hold on editors.

Regrettably, the two pieces could not quite agree on the precise day of the ceremony or ceremonies. The paper suggested Saturday while the magazine offered "11am" Friday. I had soooooo wanted to toast them at the right moment, but was thwarted! Perhaps the magazine piece is the accurate one: they married yesterday at the Chelsea Register Office but then had their Mass of Celebration at the Palace of Westminster and then the dinner dance at the Carlton Club (phew!) today ... it's all so confusing.

But if all went well at the register office (let's say yesterday), the pair will have been greeted outside by the "surprise" Edwardian horse and carriage William "splashed out" on. Sipping chilled champagne, they will have clip-clopped about the gates of Buckingham Palace (a nice aspirational touch that) prior to lunch at Mark's Club in Mayfair. Both bride and groom can boast beau monde wedding guests: she, Topper and Tinsley Mortimer, "the ultimate WASP Manhattan socialite couple"; he, er, Piers Morgan. Toby Young was banned by Vanessa because of his false claim he shared her with Jagger, William gallantly repeats. William's ex-wife is Ilaria Bulgari, "of the jewellery family". She will not have been welcome at the wedding(s) either.

One really would have to have a heart of stone not to wish Vanessa and William all the luck that money can buy and brand celebs can vouchsafe.

A horoscopic glimpse of Dr Vanessa Neumann, click here.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Mr Pooter marries someone no- one's heard of" - that should be your headline.

Swift said...

Comically surreal

Anonymous said...

I read the article in the Standard but if it wasn't for this blog I'd have little idea who William Cash is. It must have been a slow Friday. Marvellous name dropping though. Did he write a book about Hollywood when he was younger ?

Madame Arcati said...

William wrote a piece on Hollywood for the Spectator a few years back which provoked claims of anti-Semitism. He responded in a letter at this link: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E0DE4DB1031F93BA25752C1A962958260.

Basically, his targets hadn't got his British subversive tone - or as he put it: "The real reason for the 'outrage' in Hollywood is that the glib tone of my article badly ruffled sensitive egos in a town where attacks on a personal level are as taboo as having badly capped teeth." Ah yes, British teeth ...

In 1993 he published Educating William: Memoirs of a Hollywood Correspondent in which he name-dropped with his customary abandon, dancing even with Madonna. My understanding is that the world continued to turn despite the book.

Anonymous said...

Pooter, sums it up really

Anonymous said...

Why would a newspaper publish two pieces on the same topic? Who is William Cash, is this a British joke or something?

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This posting reminds me you've been quiet on Jasper Gerard lately when Private Eye has busily revealed his incomptences at the Telegraph. He now writes a sports column and the Eye has nicknamed him Sally Jockstrap, or something like it.

Anonymous said...

I believe he did the horse and carriage thing for his first wedding.actually,they had lunch at mark's club as well. Perhaps he has a special deal- 3 for the price of 2 - as I am sure he will eventually need it again.really,when will ES realise nobody cares except to laugh at him.

Anonymous said...

Changed my life this has. A whole new world of inanity has opened up.

Madame Arcati said...

Careful - William may feel even more bigged-up. Then again his narcissism and snobbery - perfectly hosted by the Evening Standard that craves his lust for lolly and those who have it - are a challenge to all to withhold judgement. I've plainly failed.

Ursula said...

I LOVE William Cash, he's so charming and dashing. What a mean little person you are begrudging his day of happiness. He was treated abysmally by the hideous Bulgaris who thought he wasn't good enough for "Princess" Ilaria - he is not some money-grabber, he didn't even sign a pre-nup. If anything, he relishes the energy of wealth rather than wealth itself. So do fuck off Madame, sitting in your pitiful rags in some garret.

Anonymous said...

In his ES piece Cash says he has 16 close friends. Is it possible to have 16 close friends? Isn't close friendship by definition about exclusivity? I wonder if all of the 16 would describe him as a close friend. I have two close friends.

Anonymous said...

'The energy of wealth' - thats a good one ! But yes, if you don't have to raise the kids, shop at Tesco, do all that cooking, washing, DIY and piss your life away in some crap job, it's amazing how much energy you have.

Anonymous said...

It's nice that "ursula" loves William Cash, at least somebody does. Even his "friends" laugh about him behind his back. Actually, William is a brilliant psychological headcase, so at least he has some worth.

Anonymous said...

In case anyone is interested (I doubt it!) William's newest magazine has no less than four pictures of himself.

Madame Arcati said...

Which new magazine darling? I think I'll post this separately as I can't bothered to look into this matter.

Anonymous said...

Oh just the new issue of his wealth management magazine. Nothing about anything!

Anonymous said...

Vanessa has now left William (although there could be a reconcilliation, probably followed by another divorce) and gone back to New York.