Friday, June 19, 2009

Molly Parkin: 'Croatians love my new cock paintings'

Molly Parkin. Photo by Tommy Candler

My fiancee Molly Parkin has sent me a letter. She is off to Croatia this summer to exhibit a collection of her new paintings many of which take the cock as subject. I hope this isn't Madame Arcati's influence. She also waxes on recent cock posts here. Anyhow, here's her letter to me ....

You said to let you know re: Croatian gallery girls. Utterly charming, completely bowled over by the paintings. They chose 11 of the very biggest ones, one 6ft by 5ft abstract, which I only painted yesterday, Sophie's Summer Wedding. And another one, an orgy scene, full of cocks of all nationalities entering every sort of orifice. Also another full of cocks, one black one actually piercing the pussy of the white girl. And another belonging to a pale teenage rentboy, being manhandled by a sophisticated divorcee, awaiting her false mammaries.

Hello Rudolph Nureyev. How's Dame Margot? "She's fine. I'm bigger than Sam Leith, dah?" (Photo by Richard Avedon)

The Croatians proclaimed them "very powerful indeed", full of wisdom, and not as "sweet" as they expected (they didn't add "from an old lady").

When I offered to paint out the cocks before the exhibition, in case of giving offence to the Croatian nation (thinking of the mealy-mouthed turds' response to your penis parade), they exploded with vehemence at the very thought. More our cup of tea, then, the Croatians!!

Adore all this cock business on Madame Arcati you've been up to, and the way you actually voice it, so clever, so naughty, so titillating; arousing, too. Brings a rush to the brain... er, um, yes, and there!

Oscar Wilde would have loved it. And Joe Orton. And Mae West. And Vincent Price. And Coral Browne. And Noel Coward. Others must too. Can't we see more of the jiggling sportsmen stuff? Or even Ronaldo in and out of trunks? Moving around, or prone.


Perhaps some political figures such as Profumo, who's weighty down below, I am told. Or is libel the trouble? It's all very well to tell tales on cock size but we hunger for the illustrations. Put it to your public. I can vouch for senior citizens, female, judging by my 80-year-old sister's avid interest. None of us is interested in Page Three girls.

Love Molly xx



Just for Molly to celebrate her Croatian triumph

Croatia website

34 comments:

Sir Walter Scott said...

Yeah, more lad bits please - which are neurotically underepresented in the media compared to lass bits.

Sir Walter Scott Again said...

I always imagined my Lancelot with a big one and Guinevere aquiver on the end of it. And don't get me on to the subtext of The Heart of Midlothian!

Sir Walter Scott Yet Again said...

There should be a double 'r' in underrepresented.

veritas said...

how exciting!. Of course Ms Parkin is not the first Brit to become a star in Croatia-that honour belongs to Sir Norman Wisdom so she is in good company. Fab pic of Rudolph.

Lavinia said...

What a relief. Some people think I'm stuffy but I'm not. Reggie would never have wanted to have been my willy to end all willies. Gazing on these lovely men, dipping my digestive, and looking forward to Wimbledon, one shouldn't ask for more.

the late Katie Price said...

You slags, the lot of you

not the Real Farah Damji said...

OMG I want one
or several in fact

Edna said...

Fantastic news about Molly's Croatian exhibition. Can't we see some examples on your site or is she negotiating a "package" with a newspaper? Wonderful portrait of her too.

Anonymous said...

And where in Croatia, when precisely? Come on Madame. Call yourself a journalist.

Madame Arcati said...

Can't show any pics of Moll's paintings right now as they're exclusive to her Croatian hosts. Other details will follow. I shall be going to Croatia with Molly who will be hosting some Parkin Lot nights at a club tba.

Sister Wendy said...

Oh I'm in cock heaven! I want to see Molly's art work!

Anonymous said...

Ugh! The Winker has had a back, sac and crack wax. How gay.

Anonymous said...

Croatia is a wonderfil little country and I hope it makes Molly its Queen. Her sceptre could be a gold dildo. Is this exhibition a Croatia sponsored event?

Anonymous said...

Your video of the Wagefeld Flopper on the Lycra post was much better than this one (though they're all very welcome!)

Lavinia said...

It may sound silly,chere amie,but do you think you could find a picture of the Emperor Haille Selassie with no clothes on? When we toured the Eastern Highlands of Ethiopia and he was introduced to Reggie and me as the Lion of Judaea one, you know, positively shivered. And ever since I've always sort of . . . wondered. Many thanks in advance.

An Ex said...

Thank-you, Madame Arcati. I now realise that Sam Leith isn't big at all. Long live Rudolph. xxx

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Lavinia, funnily enough I cannot find any photo of the late Emperor Haile Selassie in a state of undress. It's a wonder you didn't invite him to disrobe for your Kodak.

Madame Arcati said...

And to Sam Leith's Ex - do email me privately so we talk about Sam. Naked.

Anonymous said...

Ohh! Disrobe to talk about guys with big cocks. That is so kinky-raunchy-fun. Do you do that often?

Anonymous said...

So Sam Leith has a huge cock does he?

Madame Arcati said...

So urban legend would have us believe. Sam has failed to deny this claim.

Anonymous said...

What an appalling woman Molly is. Do you have her phone number?

Anonymous said...

How does one get to experience his gigantic cock? I await instructions...

Madame Arcati said...

Sam's? Write to the Evening Standard (c/o) and ask him nicely. I guess. Or do you mean Emperor Haile Selassie? Honestly, you'd think an Arcatiste could do things for themselves.

Hornyold Druid said...

Many a true word spoke in jest

Anonymous said...

Qiuite astonished by that video you've got up on Croatia. I didn't relaise immediately it's Bowie. The cum shot at the end is surely pornographic?

Madame Arcati said...

A cumshot is a cumshot, don't see what's porno about it. They can't even get the colour right. From where I'm sitting it looks more like someone over squeezed the Fairy washing-up liquid bottle.

Anonymous said...

I've tracked Sam Schlong down on Tweeter and asked him to give me full benefit of the mammoth love sausage. He's being very accomodating so far and I'm enjoying things.

A Twitterer said...

What's Tweeter?

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

looks like Molly and I are kindred souls..regarding subject matter...
MA, you know what pastel I am alluding to..
take care Molly and good luck with your exhibit!
s~

JD Hunsecker's sister said...

A little educational snippet about the cum substitute they use these days in the porn trade: gaviscon. Looks like the real deal but my source complains bitterly about the taste. Says its worse than the real thing. Also, the requisite cum shot has now been replaced by the squirt shot. Used to be in the good old days, that the cum shot proved a man had reached his destination. Now, the onus is on the woman to prove the same. They haven't found out yet how to fake this one.

JJ Hunsecker's grand-daughter said...

Why can't you ever get my dear old grandpapa's name right? It's JJ Hunsecker, you senile old spinster. You are right about the cum shots though.

Madame Arcati said...

How do you know all this - do you work in the porn trade? If you do drop me a private message so I can interview you. People should know these things x

Duralex said...

<< A little educational snippet about the cum substitute they use these days in the porn trade: gaviscon. Looks like the real deal but my source complains bitterly about the taste. Says its worse than the real thing. >>

I confirm. Hilarious snippet, thanks!