Thursday, June 25, 2009

Perez Hilton: So, where are all his showbiz exclusives?

Perez Hilton aka Mario Lavandeira: He's not so hot

Now that I've had my hernia repaired after laughing through Perez Hilton's totally pathetic cry baby performance on Perez TV (just over some thick, unreconstructed person punching him a few times in Toronto - "I thought my eye had rolled out of my head!"), I am left wondering why so many people think he breaks loads of showbiz exclusives all day. He doesn't. Mostly, he just grazes around for stories like every other showbiz hack on the planet. The only difference is he hasn't got some great fucking silly bitch-manager with a bad hairdo to answer to.

Let's look in order at recent (as I write) tales of his on his facing page:

New Green Day video (Oh, thank you Mr PR person)
Adam Lambert Caught Lying (Oh, thankyou TMZ-meisters)
Farrah Fawcett RIP (Oh, well she just died, y'know: public info)
Rosie O'Donnell bitching (Oh, a think piece)
Lou Diamond Phillips wins I'm A Celebrity (Oh, thankyou, um, everyone!)
Billy Bob Thornton's eldest daughter arrested (Oh, thank you People)
Simon Cowell in talks with Fox (Oh, thank you Radar Online)
Britney Spears no show (Oh, thank you Take 40)
Kate Moss (nearly) reveals vagina (Oh, thank you paparazzi trash - cheque's in the post)

And on it goes. Cause, it's the dead tree media idlers who repeat the lie that Perez is King of Showbiz when in fact he's just another slebby bottom feeder who only very very occasionally breaks a story. And that's me being generous.

Go on, have a laugh at this bullying fool calling his alleged abuser a fag and boasting about the 10 million flies that buzz about his carcass website each day. "I'm a human being." (Click once to play)


veritas said...

Thank God someone has finally had the nerve to scupper the rediculous myth that this fat Cuban oaf is some sort of presenter of celebrity scoops. Never has been ,never will be.

I encountered the overweight slug 18 months ago when he was in Sydney for the local MTV awards. I walked into a lift in the Hilton to find the creature in his bathrobe after he had done a press interview in the foyer. Talk about an ego on steroids-presumably he thought he was rather cute and seductive-it wasn't a pretty sight and he has halitosis which didn't go down well with the wedding couple in the same elevator.
Later that afternoon he crashed a photo call for Fergie & Pink and was chased of by assembled paprazzi.His habit of nicking copyright photos for his blog had them fuming.

not Toby Young said...

like like like like like like
oh this isn't Face Book. Give him one MA Darling, what a nasty little American. He's a queer basher innit?

Madame Arcati said...

Ooh Veritas, you know how to harden my tits. Tell us more. Are you saying that he made a pass at you in the lift (Stephen Fry likes lifts too: Twitters in them which ought to be illegal). Did you catch sight of anything we need to know about?

As for you Not TB - stop being such a minx FD!

Green Goddess said...

If I wasn't a minx I couldn't grow up and be JUST LIKE YOU MA! Glad you popped Perez.Let's do the other eye together one...two...three...

Anonymous said...

OMG Michael Jackson just died.. DO something, a MJ tribute moonwalk on your bicycle...please?

Anonymous said...

Did you notice how Farrah died just 5 hours after this screaming queen sent her his best wishes? Be warned.

Madame Arcati said...

Michael Jackson died in 2005. Everyone knows that. Perez missed out.

Green Goddess said...

I'm not dead, I am right here and about to go to BED. Not DEAD. Oh...her, the other one. Yes sad day for red bathing suits or "swimming costumes" even.

Anonymous said...

Arcati, I'm not gonna lie, I'm shocked! You could at least show some sympathy and solidarity towards a respectable colleague. Poor old baby Perez, no one loves him and even his peers betray him. Boohoohoo!
Seriously, he's really frightening. I can understand that you don't like the mirror he's holding out to you.

Madame Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madame Arcati said...

Excuse me why I dab my cheeks - Michael Jackson's death is just awful esp after Uri Geller said he was in fine shape.

As to Perez, he's not my peer, bitch. I'm much better looking, upscale and much more intelligent.

Fish said...

Lemme at him! I want to slap him! Couldn't even sit through his tirade.

Seriously. Need. To. Hit. That. Bitch.


veritas said...

My dear MA-you will have to wait for details of my lift encounter-it will be featured in my forthcoming tome 'Elevator Egos'.It's just dawned upon me the number of weird encounters I have had with so many celebs between floors-from Nancy Reagan to the Dali Lama...and yes, even the late MJ !

But I digress-Perez annoyed me from Day One as he's one of those outspoken Miami anti-Castro Cubans which is torture for us old lefties as we have few heros left.

His obsession with cocks & cunts isn't delivered with the finesse of MA and he probably votes for Jeb Bush.

Anonymous said...

> As to Perez, he's not my peer, bitch. I'm much better looking, upscale and much more intelligent.

... which makes it even worse, if you ask me.