Alexandra Shulman, Paul Spike and ... revenge

The UK Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman has moved her jowly chops an' size 14+ an' all into a swanky – what a ghastly word! – £2.5+m four-bedroom property in Kingswood Avenue, London. The Evening Standard's property goss Compton Miller reports that she will share the house with son Sam from ex-husband Paul Spike.

Ah, yes, Spike. His last career high was as editor of Punch back in '97. Regrettably, it fell to Madame Arcati – or her like – to end his career there when he purloined some ideas from her/him/it for the Mohamed Al-Fayed-owned satirical magazine and used them without proper credit.

Arcati took instant revenge and wrote up a fascinating lunch she/he/it had with Spike at an Italian restaurant just across the road from Harrods, during which the editor foolishly rubbished various of his colleagues such as Peter McKay (now on the Mail as Ephraim Hardcastle) and Al-Fayed himself – and even admitted he (Spike) was uncertain of the English sense of humour as a New Yorker; a somewhat terminal confession. A few days later he was fired, in the same week Diana died. He subsequently challenged the journalist Tim Satchell to a fight in the Groucho after falsely accusing him of being the author of the assassination piece – the boggled twat plainly had no recollection of his conversation with Arcati.

Some may know Spike as "Ralph Hoover", author of an appreciated novelisation of Terry Gilliam’s long-forgotten debut movie Jabberwocky. I have no idea where Spike is now though someone suggested he was running a bar on some hot island with a girlfriend. Perhaps one of my foot soldiers could enlighten me as Alexandra settles into her micro-palace.