Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Ammys: First Oscars for amateur porn stars!

Forget about the Baftas (that's easy), the Razzies (yer wha'?) and the Oscars ("I'd just like to thank [sob]... ") and catch the ... Ammys! Yes, the first Annual Amateur Adult Film Awards are to be held in April at EXXXOTICA in Miami Beach, Florida. Categories include Best Soloist (male), Best Soloist (female), Best Blow Job, Best Rug Munch, Worst Lighting, and much much more! So trim those pubes and buy those lubes ... and find out more here.

(Arcati only asks that amateurs keep whatever they do to five minutes or less. Is there anything more boring than watching some tart sucking a dick for 15 minutes? Nor is the sight of a bottom bobbing about in a 25 watt twilight between two paralysed legs akimbo [resembling wilted Mother's Day roses] in any way erotic. Young male soloists should not be too attentive to personal hygiene - or risk the suspicion of professionalism. If accompanying music is really necessary, a cheap radio on a side table should be visible to account for it. Crucially, women should always fail to achieve orgasm)

6 comments:

lavinia said...

Dear Madame A, I've gone abroad again but Zazou and I have been simply howling at this at the internet caff on the vieux port. She says she wants to put something in YourTube but really I don't think it would be wise. Place des Lices heaving this afternoon. Weather balmy.

Madame Arcati said...

Lavinia sweetheart, you lucky thing. I think you should do something, though for xtube not YouTube - perhaps you could both wear famous people masks for fun while doing whatever interests you. How's Val? - he has yet to send me goss about the bureaucrats in Europe.

Weather freezing here. But bright.

lavinia said...

I despair of Val. He tells me he's just got married underwater in the Orient. Third wife. At least I assume it's a wife. After his second marriage I said darling, don't invite me to any more. And he didn't! Too dreadfully literal. How long will Luxembourg put up with his antics?

Madame Arcati said...

Married underwater? And we have yet to establish the species of his new partner - God help you if he's hitched up with a manatee (family Trichachidae, genus Trichachus) once confused with mermaids, and really not blessed in pulchritude. Certainly Val with his manatee would make a novelty entry in the Ammys; though the police might get involved.

From what I've heard about Luxembourg, he sounds perfectly at home.

Duralex said...

<< Categories include Best Soloist (male), Best Soloist (female), Best Blow Job, Best Rug Munch >>

No "rose leaf" ? I'm disappointed.

Anonymous said...

What is Lavinia's sunsign? Definitely a strong Sagittarius somewhere in her chart....