Saturday, March 29, 2008

A ghost writer for Madame Arcati?

I am fascinated to learn that increasing numbers of company suits are employing ghost writers to engage with the blogosphere. These blogger-tarts are commanded by their suit-pimps to drum up business by planting posts and comments that focus the impressionable consumer mind on the suit-pimp brand. Why am I not surprised!

Still, this leaves me with a thought. Soon I am off to Turkey and I'm wondering whether to file from there - as I did from Israel last year - or hire a ghost blogger to run Madame Arcati in my "absence". What do you think? Possible ghosts ...

Duralex? - Well informed but would his tendency to lapse into French alienate my American audience?
Duncan Fallowell? - Brilliant writer, but would the Maori boycott Arcati?
Stephanie Mastini? - A force of nature, but would various psychos personally known to me start blitzing the site again with crypto-Nazi, Kevin Spacey-worshipping shit?
Jasper Gerard? No, no, no
Bryony Gordon? - Too young I fear, not bitter enough ...
Ms Baroque? - Literary and learned, not bitter enough ...
Nesta Wyn Ellis? - A delight, but she'd turn Arcati into the house of chanson!
Kevin Spacey? - Now that would be interesting. But the fat head doesn't engage, does he?

Oh, I don't know what to do ...

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hear Rob McGibbon is very good.

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

...now, that would be ghastly...to lose you to a ghost writer! besides, I could use a little sun on my body parts also..that would be splendorous! I have to admit though, that the thought of deleting those nasty blogger buggers with a simple "delete" button would be the best medicine in the world for me! Thank you for thinking of me...steph x

Madame Arcati said...

Rob would indeed be most excellent but he has Access Interviews to run and I wouldn't want anything to deflect him on his pathway to glory. Madame knows best.

Anonymous said...

If Duncan ghosted you would we be able to tell the difference?

Anonymous said...

I hope you die in Turkey

Anonymous said...

I nominate Stephanie Mastini to run this site - she has all the right attributes, the crazy paranoia, the obsession with cocks and Spacey, a tendency to fly off the handle. She'd be perfect. It would as if you you hadn't gone away.

Madame Arcati said...

On the person who wishes that I die in Turkey I now invoke a curse. You yourself will be safe from harm but someone close to you will suffer in your stead. It will happen soon.

SUSAN said...

I`m upset.

Madame Arcati said...

I couldn't afford you Susan ...

forgotten ones fund/stephmastini said...

Thank you anonymous, I am flattered that you think so highly of me...your observation of who I truly am is skewed though; in many ways...I was married to Kevin's brother..period...I am certainly not beset with the man...he is an interesting character and very good at his craft...

Anonymous said...

Please get a ghost writer. He may provide better reading material.

Madame Arcati said...

There's always Perez Hilton to tax your brain - or Christopher Hitchens' vanity site to shore up your fantasies.

Duralex said...

I, your temporary ghost writer ? I must confess I'm enormously flattered that you could think it possible for one minute, but I'm afraid I'd be unable to compete with you – at least in English, because in French... well, I'm sure you wouldn't use the expression "lapse into", were you fully aware of my virtuosity in my native language. :-)

As for being well informed... What the hell are you talking about, chéri ? Is it because I knew that the Sarkozys were invited at Windsor Castle instead of Buckingham Palace ? I just remembered that detail because they emphasized it on the radio, that's all.

Duncan Fallowell ? Not enough vicious, I fear.

Stephanie Mastini ? I thought YOU were her ghost writer, and as a matter of fact she needs one badly. Forget about her, she's already making your blog a laughingstock, allowing her to hold the whip hand would ruin it irremediably.

Kevin Spacey ?! Are you crazy ? Why not Keyser Söze ? :-)))

Madame Arcati said...

The moment I say Kevin Spacey doesn't engage, he engages. He has actually attacked the BBC over it's pathetic Lloyd Webber talent shows which are adverts for his shows in effect. Spacey's quite right. He might make a suitable ghost after all.

Duncan can do vicious - he would inventively estrange the affections of various peoples around the globe I feel.

As for you Duralex, perhaps you could build up my French-speaking audience by writing just in French.

Anonymous said...

Why on earth would a man as clever as KS wish to involve himself in any way in your blog.The poor man would probably sufficate under all that shite you post here everyday!

Madame Arcati said...

Clever? He's only an actor, you fool. Get back to your shrine and light your candles.

Duralex said...

<< Spacey's quite right. He might make a suitable ghost after all. >>

Uh ? What drugs are you on, chéri ? Oh but wait a minute, since you're talking about Lloyd Webber and ghosts, I think Spacey would certainly be awesome in "Phantom of the Opera", the musical. I was told he's a very good singer. But from what I understand it's dubious that Webber would hire him now. :-)

As for that French twist to Arcati's blog... Chiche ! But I'm afraid you don't realize what you're exposing yourself to...

Madame Arcati said...

I'm certain Spacey would supply the necessary camp to the phantom role - the swirl of a cape is most affecting I find.

Anonymous said...

< I'm certain Spacey would supply the necessary camp to the phantom role >

Just as Philip Seymour Hoffmann supplied the 'necessary' camp to the Capote role, I guess. As you said yourself above: "He's only an actor, you fool". :->

By the way, last Friday I saw Kevin Spacey and Jeff Goldblum on stage in Mamet's Speed-the-Plow, you shouldn't miss that, they are tremendous. I also noticed a few 'personal details' at the stage door after the show (who came in, who came out, with whom and how, etc., you know...) but something tells me you wouldn't like it at all. :-)

Anonymous said...

"Just an actor" you say.That doesn't make him stupid.After all he is smart enough to avoid & ignore both you & your blog!
And by the way,is that the reason you hate him so much? Come now fess up & tell us why he is angers you so.

Madame Arcati said...

"I also noticed a few 'personal details' at the stage door after the show (who came in, who came out, with whom and how, etc., you know...) but something tells me you wouldn't like it at all."

Would anonymous care to furnish more detail on this matter - I am deeply fascinated.

And to the other anonymous immediately above, Spacey is just an actor, a mummer, someone who gives voice to other people's words. I thought I was stating the obvious. Or do you suppose that celebrity by its very nature bestows a virtue and enhances all that it inhabits? Back to your shrine, ducks!

Anonymous said...

< Would anonymous care to furnish more detail on this matter - I am deeply fascinated. >

Fascinated by what? Anyway, you'll drag nothing else from me this time. Not that these people were hiding in any way, shape or form, but I prefer to keep it for myself out of discretion. All I can tell you is that it was all very... straight.
Yes, I'm a tease, I know. :->

Anonymous said...

Sooty?

Anonymous said...

HMMM-both my comments lost in cyberspace? I shall try once more.I do not build shrines to anyone.I admire KS for his talent ,business acumen and his support of new talent in his chosen field.
I thought I ,too,stated the obvious.He does not seem interested in either you or your blog and you do seem to hold some grudge,unspecified, against the man. So come now,Madame ,unburden your tortured soul and let us know the real reason(s) you hate this man so.What has he done to YOU to merit YOUR scorn?