Saturday, March 22, 2008

Nicholas Coleridge has three-hour baths!

Nicholas Coleridge - one of the world's worst novelists but near-supreme ruler of Condé Nast - discusses his favourite books. These are of little interest set against his pronunciation of aer-o-planes, the revelation of his three-hour baths (topped up by endless. hot. water.) and the sight of his curious head-shakes when he puts on a Nigella Lawson-type crazy smile about one minute in onwards.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bitter.

Ms Baroque said...

I too love long hot baths. I read in them. I've never yet dropped a book in the water, not even a book by Nicholas Coleridge.

Madame Arcati said...

Ms B, I do not believe for one moment that you have ever read a Coleridge novel (a Coleridge poem, yes), let alone one in the bath. Which novel was it? And are you muscular? His novels are not so much loose and baggy as unreadably freighted with turgid lumps of snobbery and money-worship. His books cause sciatica.

Coleridge writes perfectly good non-fiction when he's on the make, and I understand he's nice to his staff. So he's not all bad. But keep him out of your bath.

Anonymous said...

I find Mr Coleridge quite sexy in a fogeyish sort of way - I love that faux golly-gosh way of speaking he has. Lighten up Arcati.

Adrianos said...

So where`s the public recognition ? You know what I mean, MA.

Ms Baroque said...

Dear Mme A, you are on a roll this weekend! "Not so much loose and baggy as unreadably freighted with turgid lumps of snobbery and money-worship" is just as good as anything you wrote in your Julian Barnes post.

And you totally caught me out: I've never read any Coleridge but ST.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Adrianos, No, I don't know what you mean. All those hot cross buns have fogged the brain.

And as for you Ms B, are you not pleased that I credited you with more taste - and was proved correct? But the idea of you in a bath with a Coleridge novel is sufficiently kinky to interest me, I must say.

And to those poor souls who have inquired in pornographic terms how Madame Arcati keeps herself nicely fresh, I can report that she only showers, often out of her tweeds. She has not taken a bath in years, regarding it as a slightly decadent activity, and a rather unhygienic one, given that a bath consists of stewing in one's dirty water, while a shower is refreshing all the way, and economical.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Adrianos - oh now I remember. I wish to thank Adrianos for teaching me how to put up a fucking video from YouTube in postings. He managed to do what Blogger failed completely to do - he spoke English.

Anonymous said...

I've never heard of Nicholas Coleridge - any relation?

Adrianos said...

It was trial and error really, MA. I quite surprised myself ! There`s several conversations going on here, on the same posting and it`s getting very confusing.I agree with you, having a shower is both hygeinic and (at your age)more accessible ! On that note, I`m leaving you in peace (for now)

Duralex said...

<< I can report that she only showers, often out of her tweeds. She has not taken a bath in years, regarding it as a slightly decadent activity, and a rather unhygienic one >>

Another good habit we have in common, "Madame". Thank God you can't read under the shower, and it helps depollute your brain from the black tides the media settle in it on a daily basis.

This put aside, I found Nicholas Coleridge ridiculously camp and unnatural. But if he likes travel literature, he should read Nicolas Bouvier (hopefully he's been translated into English).

Madame Arcati said...

On the matter of showers, Duralex, I cannot fault you. At last we agree on something. On the matter of Coleridge, I do not think him camp at all, but merely artificial due to nerves and an inability to understand what it is he is talking to (us via the camera). Nigella Lawson is the same, but she's prettier and in any case we have our eyes on her souffle. His faux naif behaviour should not fool you as to his ghastly snobbish attitudes and peculiar marketing methods of his novels. He's quite successful however, and is relatively harmless. He likes India a lot.

Duralex said...

<< I do not think him camp at all >>

Obviously we don't have the same conception of campiness. :-)

<< but merely artificial due to nerves and an inability to understand what it is he is talking to (us via the camera). >>

True too. As we say in French : "on dirait une poule qui a trouvé un couteau" (he looks like a hen that came across a knife).

Alastair said...

I too find Mr Coleridge rather atractive. He has a lovely voice and looks like he works out X

Alastair said...

I also agree that People Like Us is very good at describing high society in New York in the 1980's

Alastair said...

Any chance of some photos of the very handsome Mr Coleridge ?

Madame Arcati said...

Handsome? With his face I'd model on the side of old churches. x

Alastair said...

No Nick is very handsome and looks so sauve

Madame Arcati said...

Would you like to do a short email interview just on why you find NC so sexy and suave?