Chris Klee writes of one of Arcati's favourites, The Jasper Gerard: "Gerard really can't even get elevated meanness, can he? As much as I suspect he lies awake at night hoping the prose fairy will have turned him into AA Gill in the morning, he structures even his reviews like a formulaic pseud. Apropos the restuarant review referred to below, there is, for example....
1. The opening sentence to establish intellectual superiority over "the masses" - ie a misappropriation of Kant
2. The matey simile/metaphor to introduce "the real world"
3. The ham-fisted pop-culture reference. 'Beth Ditto' - erk
4. Follows by another highbrow allusion: Mill, this time. Because although he understands, he's really not like the proles...
5. But, just so we don't lose readers entirely, why not pander to a few popular prejudices....
6. Review the food, in such a manner that the meal is evoked, but lacks all gout.
"Dungaree risotto"?! He's not even put enough work into his cliches. Has he never even heard of mung beans?
In fact, would it be entirely inelegant to point out the passing resemblance between our friend Jasper and Hector Bartlett, the "pisseur de copie" in Muriel Spark's peerless novel about London hackery, A Far Cry From Kensington?
Don't be so mean about The Jasps. He's just a silly billy earning a crust to keep his wife busy with his accounts. I am impressed by his talking the Telegraph into making him its restaurant critic. As I've said before, editors respond well to sloppy seconds.