Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Joan Rivers and Madame Arcati have a hate-in













Let it not be said that Madame Arcati doesn't get about despite extreme old age, debilitating illnesses (some of them infectious) and suicidal tendencies (am I selling myself to you pervs? There's someone for everyone, y'know)).

At the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney I met up with my old friend Joan Rivers, and sat with her manager (who reps Cher too) all night and his Cuban boyfriend. Suddenly a man aimed his video camera at Joan and she screamed at its lens: "MADAME ARCATI, YOUR'E A BITCH, GET A LIFE!" Isn't that shocking, to say that about someone old enough to be her mother? She added she was expecting to see Tom Cruise at the Mardi Gras. He didn't turn up.

Later, Joan mounted a Mardi Gras truck and hollered messages to the crowd who didn't seem to know who she was - "They think I'm just some old retired hairdresser!" she shouted at me.

In the pics - Joan of course, oh and there's that monster-sized drag queen Mitzi McIntosh, and Pam Ann's somewhere there, Ruby Rose - the MTV hostess who has just come out as a dyke, what a cutie - I can't be bothered with pointing them all out for fuck's sake.

19 comments:

Dame Charlton Heston said...

That.s just like Joan, to give you free publicity! She's such a sweetie.

Madame Arcati said...

There's a great line in the new movie Bronson - "Charlton Heston was a cunt".

John Sleet said...

SMITH ENJOYS A FULL BUSH!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

What a homage to plastic surgery ! Eat your heart out Michael Jackson. Has MA been under the knife yet ?

Duralex said...

Tabernak! What the heck were you doing at the Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney?

Madame Arcati said...

Madame Arcati is omniscient, she travels far and wide and has even visited the Mardi Gras on Mars - y'know, the one near the face. She is a phantom who inhabits others' souls and then like the Borg pulls all the experiences together, turning base metal anecdote into literary gold.

As for the impertinent inquiry about about cometic procedure status, Madame Arcati is happy to report that thanks to the fresh mountain waters of the Dolomites and a gene pool full of spawning salmon - such is Darwinism - my flesh is as smooth as when it I slipped out of mother, Mrs Flipper.

Anonymous said...

I love Joan Rivers. I find that along her career she has been misunderstood, underrated and underestimated. I love her comedy style and her most crass jokes are always well intended; even the times when she has put her foot deep down her throat, because she truly has a good heart. Which is more than what can be said from more revered, less funny comedians that have been very vocal about not liking her. You rock, Joan! I hope to see much more of you soon.

And your stuff, MA darling, is literary gold (in case you thought you were being sarcastic). That is why all those big personalities notice you.

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm watching Ronan Keating singing on the TV but but twith sound on mute. Most singers look silly on mute don't you think? Dancing females on mute are the silliest looking.

Dame Charlton Heston said...

So they have a Gay Hussar in Sydney?

Dame Charlton Heston said...

Time for a Tom Hardy cockshot by the way. There are a few around. He's adorable.

Madame Arcati said...

Madame Arcati is back in the UK now. Fool.

Madame Arcati said...

Oh yes, I agree about Tom Hardy. Odd willy though, sort of in a genuflection pose. I may write an essay on it. The film's great too.

Dame Charlton No Fool said...

I think you were in Sydneyonly on the astral plane - otherwise you'd be too jetlagged to thereandback it.

Madame Arcati said...

Thanks to the miracle of technology it's now possible to post a blog while engaged in sexual intercourse in a Quantas 747 locked loo and reciting the Lord's Prayer in Mel Gibson Aramaic, all at the same time. You really must get up there more.

Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer said...

Are you all right? I’m having these mixed feelings of giggly amusement, for the real you seems back, with disturbed concern, for you seem like you should put out whatever you have been smoking the past couple of days and give it a rest; it seems to be spilling over to your typing.

I know words like these (mine) may just look like pointless/empty black letters spread over a blinking screen, but some us DO care (I’m ready to bet a lot of us, actually). Please tell me it's that jetlag thing...

WOW, I’m getting such a bad headache; I think it’s my sinuses…

Madame Arcati said...

The very idea that reindeers can write is silly. Of greater concern is the red nose which is not tolerated on this site. I don't care whether the red nose is real - due to alcoholism or cold - or put on (as for ridiculous notice-me charity stunts) - it simply is beyond the pale. Stamp on red noses whether attached to face or wherever.

Anonymous said...

Very well, it doesn't matter. You can rant all you want: it is said and you can't erase it from your psyche even if you try to use bleach. We care!

Anonymous said...

I meant to ask earlier; your behavior distracted me. What does a willy in a genuflection pose look like? I’m almost afraid to ask (it sounds revolting) but when penises are the topic my “curiosity” overrides everything else.

Madame Arcati said...

Hardy's willy appears very top heavy so that after a strong start on its journey from the mainland it appears to wilt or genuflect from the corona, like an overweight manservant with a hunch.