Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sebastian Shakespeare: Let's make him soooo famous


The Standard's gossipy little writer Sebastian Shakespeare appears to be fame-famished, the poor poppet. He recently told his public (the Hon Vanessa Kensington and her chihuahua, Paree) that he had ignited a huge row on Twitter because he'd said something original, like, tweeting's only a fad. Alas, the controversy just missed my cognisance, but I'm sure Vanessa and Paree ran their digits (and paw pads) raw in his defence.

I think I'm right in saying that he edits Londoner's Diary, but now he fancies himself as a celebrity columnist. The good news is that he can only get better. Today, for instance, he reveals he lunched at the Ritz. That in itself could be interesting, I suppose (I can't recommend the Ravioli of Pumpkin with Ceps and New Season Truffle highly enough) but then he goes and ruins it by adding "that most iconic of British hotels made famous by Julia Roberts in Notting Hill."

That's a bit like saying that one has visited a pyramid "in Egypt", y'know, the pyramid made iconic by Peter Ustinov's Poirot when he mopped his brow within sight of one in Death On The Nile. We can safely affirm that the Ritz was iconic long before Julia played a whore and lived happily ever after, shopping. He also affects to be down with the kids like his colleague Anne "fessed up" McElvoy by informing us that he lives in the same"'hood" as David Cameron. The Tory leader gets a name-check en route to Sebastian's elegy for his unblooming rooftop wisteria.

Incidentally, if Sebastian is still editing Londoner's Diary, he may want to make a correction or two. Jason Cowley is the editor of the New Statesman, not Paul Johnson. As a contributor to the magazine, he ought to know. And I don't quite get the opening sentence to the Nicholas Coleridge item: "Do you view the recession in black or white?" True, Coleridge's novel (the title is of no consequence) comes in two shades but what has that got to do with the recession? It's not mentioned again in the story which brings the surprising news that the tome was edited.

But how sweet of Sebastian to promote Nicholas' novel. It's only to be expected of one who also is the books editor of Tatler, whose MD is, er, Nicholas. An unavoidable synergy I'm sure.

I do hope my comments prove constructive. Meanwhile, send a link to this story to 10 websites and help to make Shakespeare iconic.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

"The good news is that he can only get better."

Ah, it's nice to have you back, Madame.

Anonymous said...

You cunt - I thought you'd closed down.

Big Brother said...

Why are you being so sneery about Sebastian? He's one of the nicer diarists and is trustworthy. Same with Coleridge - one of the nicest publishing bosses around, yet here we go, more vitriol from Arcati. What a sad bastard you are.

Anonymous said...

“most iconic of British hotels made famous by Julia Roberts in Notting Hill”

Oh MA darling, I think I just cracked a rib. Even if that where true, how corny is it to make such a statement? (I’m afraid The Ritz may sue for defaming them) Isn’t it sweet he thinks life started in the 90’s? Does he know the hotel is over 100 years old or (since he is a celebrity columnist) about the parade of personalities (including quite a few writers he probably had to study in school) that have frequented it, under paparazzi lenses, since the beginning of the 20th century? (y’know when all those old people where born). Let’s say it was just the wrong choice of words; he wanted to say “which you may remember from Julia Robert’s famous (ehem - whatever) film Notting Hill”... I blame Geordie Greig for not giving him good advice... or not doing his job for that matter.

But he’s so cute thought, they should just put a big new picture of him with every article.

Instead of you being sooo cruel (I love it when you‘re naughty - I too rejoice when you take off the silk gloves to type), you should speak his language and recommend that every time he is about to describe a known place or person, he first “Goggles” them (don‘t use words like research) to learn what other people know, or play down being an ignoramus on a subject by making fun about the fact he knows nothing about the matter; that would be cute too - and then post a big picture of himself. Cutie!

Madame Arcati said...

All comments are moderated in the sense they have to be put up by me. This is necessary I'm afraid because certain simple souls may try to put up defamatory remarks - certain PAYE journos may do this, journos who happily shit all over people but who can't cope when they're shat on.

Manuel- former Ritz waiter said...

I think the Ritz jibe is hilarious but why would Madame regard being called a "cunt" as an insult ? Unless of course one found vaginas distasteful which says more about the insulter than the insultee.

Madame Arcati said...

Dear Manuel, Do I think cunt an offensive term? It's a lovely word, I believe it means handbag in Anglo-Saxon, or something like that. Could be Norse.

Anonymous said...

Madame Arcati, you are on top form babeeeeee!

Toby Worthington said...

Love it when you take aim at all that is sham and second rate, darling. Gosh, I wonder what the young Lady Diana Cooper and Co were doing at the Ritz all those years before it was made famous by a Julia Roberts film? Slumming, no doubt.

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Toby. Nothing dispirits me more than a hack with airs.