Thursday, January 11, 2007

Jodie Marsh's unfeasibly large paragraphs

Some people turn to trainspotting to sublimate dark, infernal forces that dwell in their breast. Madame Arcati is a Jodie Marsh giant paragraph spotter.

I must admit that my fascination with her blog has long since passed. Her bloody dogs did it for me. But the lengths of her paragraphs are a thing of wonder - just paste them into Word for a quick tot up.

On Jan 9 she wrote a paragraph that's 377 words long. On Dec 27 last year she delivered a 388-worder. But she had already exceeded that on December 10 with a 474-er. Her world record to date (so far as I can tell) is the mammoth 742-worder on Oct 10 2005. Let me know if there's one bigger. Naturally I have ceased to read the actual words as a rule. Size to the eye is all. Just the sheer, vast angularity of all those vapid blocks of words rushing across the page like dandelion seeds on a summer breeze.

However, her rant at Carole Malone, aged closer to 53 than 47 I have to say and presently in Celebrity Big Brother, reminded me why I shifted my focus to paragraph proportions. Here's an extract ....

"Carole Malone. The ugly, no-good, talentless hag! She had the cheek to abuse me for going on CBB and now she's in there herself. Times must be hard for her, the poor love. Why else would she do a "crappy reality show"???? I thought she was a credible, intelligent writer who didn't need to go on stupid shows like that?! No.... am I wrong? Oh sh*t sorry, yeah I'm wrong..... what was I thinking? She's also been on Celebrity Fat Club. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. How embarrassing! No matter how fat (or skint) I got; you would NEVER catch me on TV wobbling my flab about to the nation and trying to get rid of some of it (if I need to diet, I'll do it in private thank you!)! The woman pretends to be a journalist but she's actually more desperate to be famous than I am for a shag right now! Carole Malone - I ..." and on she goes.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Carole Malone has more talent in her toenails than the caricature of low life that is professional victim Jodie Marsh.

How is it that Beatbullying, whose pockets she filled with money after her appearance on Zelebrity BB, hasn’t come out publicly against her abusive blog, targeting Malone and others including Sun editor Rebekah Wade. I thought anti-bullying charities were against bullying.

Not in this case, obviously.
x

duralex said...

Did you ever try Marcel Proust, Arcati ? In his novels it's not about paragraphs, but about sentences. But the amazing thing is that you never get lost while reading them.

Arcati said...

I entirely agree Duralex but inevitable bathos prevents me from discussing Proust in the same breath as Jodie Marsh.

duralex said...

<< I entirely agree Duralex...>>

Wow, great, that's so new to me ! ;-)

<<... but inevitable bathos prevents me from discussing Proust in the same breath as Jodie Marsh.>>

Come on, Madame, wake up, we are a multicultural society, don't be so elitist !

Arcati said...

On My Space Jodie is saying her dog is the only man in her life. So does this mean she's dumped her fiance already, though they're in OK! this week?

Marcel Proust is dead.

flagrante said...

Holy Moly certainly thinks so. Their evidence is pretty compelling: she's had a tattoo of his name on her hand (yes, I know) covered up with a tasteful rosary design.

Jessica said...

Mm, hand tattoos.

Always a good move.

Anonymous said...

Asked once whether criminals have anything in common, Truman Capote said something to the effect: "They all have tattooes."

bla said...

And think of the poor unfortunate semi-colons her very long paragraphs are wrongfully peppered with! It makes me weep!

amanda said...

Poor ugly marsh cant take the fact that Carole Malone is not only older but wiser and is a successful writer rather than looking like a hoocker that marsh looks like. Poor Carole :-(, she went on cbb to have her story thats all, everyone in the house liked her well almost, she was a shining light in that house.