Some people turn to trainspotting to sublimate dark, infernal forces that dwell in their breast. Madame Arcati is a Jodie Marsh giant paragraph spotter.
I must admit that my fascination with her blog has long since passed. Her bloody dogs did it for me. But the lengths of her paragraphs are a thing of wonder - just paste them into Word for a quick tot up.
On Jan 9 she wrote a paragraph that's 377 words long. On Dec 27 last year she delivered a 388-worder. But she had already exceeded that on December 10 with a 474-er. Her world record to date (so far as I can tell) is the mammoth 742-worder on Oct 10 2005. Let me know if there's one bigger. Naturally I have ceased to read the actual words as a rule. Size to the eye is all. Just the sheer, vast angularity of all those vapid blocks of words rushing across the page like dandelion seeds on a summer breeze.
However, her rant at Carole Malone, aged closer to 53 than 47 I have to say and presently in Celebrity Big Brother, reminded me why I shifted my focus to paragraph proportions. Here's an extract ....
"Carole Malone. The ugly, no-good, talentless hag! She had the cheek to abuse me for going on CBB and now she's in there herself. Times must be hard for her, the poor love. Why else would she do a "crappy reality show"???? I thought she was a credible, intelligent writer who didn't need to go on stupid shows like that?! No.... am I wrong? Oh sh*t sorry, yeah I'm wrong..... what was I thinking? She's also been on Celebrity Fat Club. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. How embarrassing! No matter how fat (or skint) I got; you would NEVER catch me on TV wobbling my flab about to the nation and trying to get rid of some of it (if I need to diet, I'll do it in private thank you!)! The woman pretends to be a journalist but she's actually more desperate to be famous than I am for a shag right now! Carole Malone - I ..." and on she goes.