Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Shilpa Shetty: the biography

John Blake's bringing out a Shilpa Shetty biography in March, I hear - some ex newspaper hack is probably flailing about in a ton of cuts as I write. I imagine the first draft of the opening paragraph - with Blake's annotation - will read something like this ....

"She was the Angelina Jolie of India, the toast of tout le [check the French stuff, is it right? - JB] Bombay [Mumbai, you prat - JB] and the star of [how many's that - check imdb.com - JB] films ... Little did this mega-star of the sub-continent [check Wikipedia - India] could have guessed the hell that awaited her in the shape of the Goody clan - Jade, Jackiey, Jack [didn't he fancy Danielle? - check - and did he wank really? - ask C4 for vid - JB] and the grandparents. By the end of the ?? [check - JB] days, Shilpa emerged from the Celebrity Big Brother house as the cynosure (yer wha'? - JB] of an international row about race and bullying. The glittery grub had metamorphosed into a dazzling global butterfly [fucking hell, he's after the Pulitzer - can't she at least be a caterpillar? - JB] and fluttered over Davina Mc - [go over this crap again and make it shiny - you've three days - oh, and have you fed the tropical fish? -JB].

2 comments:

duralex said...

<< "She was the Angelina Jolie of India, the toast of tout le [check the French stuff, is it right? - JB]Bombay >>

In good french, we'd say "la coqueluche du tout-Bombay". Literally : the whooping cough of the fashionable Bombay society.

"tout le Bombay" doesn't make any sense in french.

Arcati said...

Indeed - even JB had an inkling it might be wrong ...