Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Nicky Haslam: 'Book saved by editor's surgery'

Dear Madame
I do so hope you will be interviewing Nicky Haslam on your blog. As I'm sure you're already aware, the first volume of his memoirs are being published at the beginning of November. He's such a talented journalist and I'm sure his memoirs will make fascinating reading. I understand the manuscript was unpublishable but his editor has knocked the book into shape.

Best wishes,

J [name withheld]

Dear J
Alas, I fear not. I don't think Mr Haslam likes Madame Arcati - not since darling Susan Hill said something rude about him on this site. I thought he had a sense of humour but perhaps all that partying with people I call the bold types since the '50s (20th Century, that is) has turned his pickled head. I suppose when he passes to the afterlife, the first thing he'll be offered is a marinated chicken wing and drumstick platter. His eternal options won't be heaven or hell but "red or white, sir?"

Your news about the drastic editorial surgery is alarming. Haslam is a very good writer ordinarily, witty and precise, so I can only imagine that he rushed the work - indeed I believe he developed Repetitive Strain Injury in the process, or wanker's wrist as it's known in the trade (or to the trade). I should think, too, that he will have been be anxious to avoid Truman Capote's fate post-Answered Prayers and not alienate the titled and monied swells upon whom he relies for their interior decoration custom - as well as party invitations. Such a concern may account for any presumed jarring lacunae in his narrative where things might have got too juicy.

However Arcati shall be reviewing the work in the style to which her global fan base has become accustomed.

Love & Light & Other Meaningless Expressions of Cosmic Goodwill

Madame Arcati XX

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Quel dommage! I'm so sorry to hear you're on Haslam's shit list. I can't wait to read your review.

x

SUSAN said...

I only said one thing about him in jest and when I heard he was upset I apologized. and apologized. and apologized. and apol......oh God.

Anonymous said...

Oh god - he is so tedious... why would anyone want to pay to read a book by him when they can read wonderful Arcati for free!

The Daughter-of-a-Bitch said...

Ah, the asslickers are back. Pheeew! I won't have to give you that blowjob after all. ;-)

Ms Robinson said...

Good Madame I have just discovered you and I am so delighted. Nicky Haslam on the other hand is actually dead, I am sure of it. They just stuff, paint him and wind him up.

Madame Arcati said...

Hello Ms Robinson, so pleased to meet you. Your own blog looks most interesting ...

Fish said...

I don't think he has anything against the blog, MA; to my understanding anyways. I wouldn't be calling the man tedious... at all.

Though whether it's going to be out by the publish date is questionable, I believe he may be trying to push the date back some more... But that remains to be seen.

Madame Arcati said...

Thank you Fish for that information.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.