Nicky Haslam: 'Book saved by editor's surgery'

Dear Madame
I do so hope you will be interviewing Nicky Haslam on your blog. As I'm sure you're already aware, the first volume of his memoirs are being published at the beginning of November. He's such a talented journalist and I'm sure his memoirs will make fascinating reading. I understand the manuscript was unpublishable but his editor has knocked the book into shape.

Best wishes,

J [name withheld]

Dear J
Alas, I fear not. I don't think Mr Haslam likes Madame Arcati - not since darling Susan Hill said something rude about him on this site. I thought he had a sense of humour but perhaps all that partying with people I call the bold types since the '50s (20th Century, that is) has turned his pickled head. I suppose when he passes to the afterlife, the first thing he'll be offered is a marinated chicken wing and drumstick platter. His eternal options won't be heaven or hell but "red or white, sir?"

Your news about the drastic editorial surgery is alarming. Haslam is a very good writer ordinarily, witty and precise, so I can only imagine that he rushed the work - indeed I believe he developed Repetitive Strain Injury in the process, or wanker's wrist as it's known in the trade (or to the trade). I should think, too, that he will have been be anxious to avoid Truman Capote's fate post-Answered Prayers and not alienate the titled and monied swells upon whom he relies for their interior decoration custom - as well as party invitations. Such a concern may account for any presumed jarring lacunae in his narrative where things might have got too juicy.

However Arcati shall be reviewing the work in the style to which her global fan base has become accustomed.

Love & Light & Other Meaningless Expressions of Cosmic Goodwill

Madame Arcati XX