"The Disappearing Goddess" is Alison Boshoff's latest excuse in the Mail to rummage through the Nexis electronic cuts service in her PAYE mission to tell yet another sad tale of a fallen celebrity - in this incidental instance, Nigella Lawson.
The object of the exercise is to somehow relish in schadenfreude (for Success Must Have A Price) while both shedding a crocodile tear and name-checking lots of other celebs for a confected ambience of haut-monde. I particularly adore Boshoff's little glitzy tautologies such as her description of Lawson's "cultured and epicurean existence" with husband Charles Saatchi - "There are blissful lunches a deux ...." she writes. The "a deux" bit is italicised for the posh gloss effect even though any lunch of two people would be "a deux". The sentence was written just for the italicisation.
I had the opportunity to watch Boshoff in action at a Cannes Film Festival a few years back. She didn't have a clue how to work the event. She hung out with some PA cheena and together they loitered around DDA's and other PR offices hoping for a 5* celeb to 'chute onto their laps. It didn't occur to Boshoff that no stars or their agents would dream of a 1-2-1 with a proven libeller. So off she tottered back to Nice Airport and Derry Street to write a piece about how Cannes was a faded thing - all to justify the expense of sending her in the first place.
As for Lawson there's much more that could be said - how she had started her affair with Saatchi long before husband John Diamond snuffed it of throat cancer. Not that he was perfect. The night before their wedding he had sex with a person who'll remain nameless - "He was desperate for sex," she reports. Another of his earlier lays reports he had a cock shaped like a Coke can. Gawd bless 'im.
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